From seating plans, guest lists and your very own bridezilla, Darren Nugent has the ultimate groom survival guide.
You’ve just proposed. She’s jumping up and down calling everyone and anyone who will listen. There are tears and smiles and the phone is going 90! You’ve earned some serious brownie points and you feel on top of the world.
This fantastic feeling is what you will have to cling to over the next few months... or years, before the wedding. Let’s hope for your sake its months...
Now don’t get me wrong, a wedding is a magical, emotional and heart warming experience. It’s the planning that was the problematic part for me. It managed to turn my logical and un-materialistic girlfriend into a walking nightmare. When I wasn’t being bombarded with questions about whether I wanted lilies or roses she was asking me about our theme! What does a theme have to do with getting married? What on earth do you need a theme for? These were only two, of many, questions I was asked over the two long years we were engaged. I decided that when we actually got passed the finish line, I would put together a guide for grooms to help you through the treacherous world that is wedding planning.
Theme - This is a colour scheme or topic that means a lot to your beloved. For example, our theme was ‘roses’. This theme has to be brought into every aspect of the wedding in as many ways possible to be effective. If she wants an ice sculpture of Bosco, just say yes!
Flowers -Yet another very important part of the wedding. Believe me when I say, it is most definitely possible to spend 2k on flowers. I know that seems ludicrous, but just think about the price of those Valentines’ bouquets, you will start to see a trend.
Guest list - Normally the start of the wedding planning trouble, as you both decide who to invite. You will be asked for your opinion but more often than not, only half listened to. You must both try to have the same amount of people for balance in the church. Very important apparently!
Pageboys, ushers and groomsmen - These are all different jobs! Hard to believe, I know. The pageboy is the younger guy on your side that brings up the rings with the little girl. The ushers show people to their seats and can sometimes be called groomsmen and the groomsmen themselves are normally your mates and include your best man.
Wedding Rings - Good news! Wedding rings are generally not as expensive as engagement rings, but heads up they now have diamond wedding rings! No more gold bands like years ago. No, apparently diamonds are in.
Wedding breakfast - Another name for the wedding dinner. It was originally called breakfast because people used to get married very early in the morning.
Responsibilities - Your B2B (bride-to-be) will probably try to get you interested by giving you control of the music for the day. This is a an honour, as by now she will have turned into a complete control freak, so don’t mess it up by suggesting that she walks down the aisle to the theme tune from Top Gear.
Don’t expect to have a reasonable conversation -Your B2B will be way too stressed out before the wedding. Even in her sleep she will be going through seating plans.
Seating plan - For all you novices, this is hell on earth. You will be plagued with questions about who should sit with whom and more importantly who can’t sit with whom! This will be changed numerous times before the big day, so don’t panic if you don’t have all the answers.
The most important thing -You need to remember that the wonderful woman who sits opposite you will ask for your opinion, while not really expecting it, she will plan a fantastic wedding that you can take credit for. Just remember to thank her in your speech!
Main Image by Elizabeth Messina
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