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Hi All,
Ive been using this webside for a long time now as im due to get married next May. i read the Forums alot and find them extremely helpful but now i need your help.

Now i really dont need replys saying hes a bastard, loose him etc etc. i need some advice from maybe people whove gone through this before or people who can be a little open minded.

Myself and my H2B have a fabulous relationship (or so i thought?!) The sex is good, we see each other all the time and weve bought a house together. We have mad big plans for the future as couples do. While using his phone recently i go nosy and discovered texts from another woman. As i investigated it further is seems he h as being seeing this woman. Im not sure if its on a regular basis. I know this womans name and where she works. Ive been thinking of going to see her and asking her about everything. Call me a chicken but if there is anythign to worry about then i want to have all the facts and not get pawned off with being parnoid etc etc. Basically i need the proof........Can someone please tell me what to do. I love my H2B so so much and i know most of you out there will think im crazy to forgive him if i have to but its easier said then done just to pack up and leave. I really would benefit fomr some genuine advice.
Thanks girls :|

so sorry to hear that monaghanbride, are you sure that this isn't just a friend, do the texts suggest otherwise? You really need to sit down with him and discuss this. Keep her details and then if he denies it I would go and pay her a visit.

aw sweetheart, so sorry you had to see that..

i agree with you on getting some proof first though,... are you really sure thats whats been going on or could you have read too deep?...

surely if he was having a sneaky affair he would be deleting his messages..?

maybe not...i don't know...

anyway.. i wouldn't go to this girls work or anything she might not even know about you, a friend of mine was in this situation..she rang the girl and asked to meet her for a coffee and asked her straight out, away from everyone and everything..and she was so caught off guard she didnt have time to collaborate a story and lie about it so she just confessed..

i'm not saying this is what you should do..but do try to gather a lot of evidence so that if he trys to make up excuses you can keep hitting him with evidence that he'll have to try and explain.. if you have enough that it's solid already confront him...

you'll know in your heart if he's being truthful...

i sincerely hope that you're wrong about this hun i really do.

thinking of you

xx kim xx

If he is open and admits everything and he is capable of moving on and attempting to re-gain your trust.. then I would say it's your decision to forgive him and to move on with him as it is only you too who matter.

however, if he is nasty or disrespectful to you in any way then unfortunately you could be in for many many months of pain and heartache and not letting go..

You may be willing to forgive.. but what if he decides he doesn't want to be forgiven and wants to leave you! You have to explore all the options.

this must be swful for you and you appear very strong so good luck!

I agree with meeting this girl before you have talk to h2b. If he is having an affair and you confront him he'll contact her immediately and you might never know the truth.
Find out for definate first, then worry about how you deal with it.
Look after yourself.

I'm really sorry about your worries. Do the messages unambiguously show there is something going on? I think you have to ask him about it straight away.

Then maybe you could both talk to a counsellor? I think my sister and her husband went to the MRCS when they were having difficulties and they found it brilliant.

Thanks for that everyone. I just dont want to confront him yet because the only proof i have is that i looked at his phone. This was done by accident but i did snoop..............
Maybe im being naive, but if something is going on i dont think this girl knows about me. So i was thinking if i confronted her then maybe shed tell me the turth woman to woman? Maybe i am being naive..............................................
If you were approached by another woman in a similar situation would you give her information or would you walk away?

Sorry but you can't contact the girl - you need to talk to him.

just supose you are wrong - maybe they are just being silly with eachother as opposed to having an affair, you go talk to her - you look like the physo wife threatening any woman in his life - I'm being dramatic to make the point, I'm not implying you are like this.

I think in these cases you should keep it at home first.

I hope for your stake that you are wrong..

But i also think that you can recover your relationship if one of you has had an affair, if you talk to him and have him be honest with you and you be honest with him and discuss where you want your relationship to move to in the future.
Just make sure its a proper fix and not a plaster one.

Best of luck

Do not go and talk to this girl first, this is firstly between you and your H2B, not between you and her.
Confront him and tell him your concerns. You may not have anything to worry about, (hopefully), but for now, these issues are between you and him. Dont go involving anyone else. Find out from him whats the deal, if he then cant tell you or won't tell you, and you know for certain that something is going on...then let her know. Ultimately, you decide what your future is to be with him..
good luck and let us know how u get on.

if i was seeing someone that i didn't know was seeing someone else and the 'other woman' confronted me...i'd work with her to trap the slimeball... arrange to both be in the same place one night and bring him into the equation and see how he reacts!

sorry..i know thats not what you want to hear..just what my way of thinking would be..

xx kim xx

I like your way of thinking rock n roll bride. I love him more then anything or anyone in this world but if he is being unfaitful to me then i want him to pay for it. Too many woman let their husbands or partners away with this kind of thing. They just confront him and he gets caught.....But if you involve the other woman then he really pays............
God i do sound so evil, im not really i just think im having an angry day!

If your hoping to repair this situation, making working together to trap the so and so isn't the best idea.

I wouldn't be able to hold my whist on this, I'd have already hit him with the phone and demanded an explanation.

Has he been acting funny lately and been secretive with his phone??

monaghanbride - i can really understand what you are going through - I found filthy texts on my h2b's phone last year ... they were disgusting. I nearly had a nervous breakdown. We were in the process of buying our house, i was about to go away for a week, my sister was really sick - basically i didn't eat for two weeks I felt so sick - great diet, but wouldn't recommend it!

it came to a point where his parents came for tea, and I wasn't even able to concentrate on what his dad was saying so I decided, thats it, i can't go on living like this so I confronted him. To cut a long story short, this was a girl that he dated before we even met, and every now and again she'd contact him over something (there always seemed to be a drama to use as an excuse) and then it descended into sex talk. He promised there was nothing physical going on, and that the contact would end. It took me months and months to forget about it and for my stomach not to clench every time he picked up his phone to text.

Then over the summer, I found texts again ... this time they were just normal "hi, how are you" texts. Her number showed up on her bill, and she was even using her brothers mobile so there were two numbers. Well at this point I lost the rag ... packed my bag and waited for him to come into the house (he was in next door at the neighbours) ... I screamed and roared at him, had the car keys in my hand and told him that I couldn't cope, that I was leaving. He begged me not to, blocked the door etc etc etc. We stayed up all night talking and both called in sick the next day. It's taken an AWFUL lot of work on both sides for me to be able to trust him again, but I'm getting there ... I still pick up his phone and check it, and I open his phone bills in front of him when the post comes in - so basically he knows that if he's stupid enough to contact this girl again, then that's it for us. And at the end of the day, that's his choice to make - i can't force him to choose a person he's been with for 5 years over someone he hasn't seen in 5 years and only texts.


So the long and the short of it is - confront him. You can't go on wondering, because it will kill you.

Don't go near this woman - at the end of the day, there are only two people in your relationship, you and him. She does not come into the equation. If he is having an affair, then that is his decision. She may or may not even know you exist, but even if she does, that's her decision, and she isn't obliged to you in anyway.

Ask yourself can you stay with this man even if your worse fears are confirmed - which at the moment you don't know for sure if he is having an affair or not - can you stay with him? Can you ever see yourself trusting him again? Only you can make those decisions ... don't feel pressurised into going or staying.

Best of luck with it - PM me if you need to talk about it.

Dizzy.

Oh I think I would be in agreement with rock and roll bride too. My thjeory is that your h2b could cloud your thinking and gut feeling on the situation if you dont have any other evidence to go by....its all speculation so far.

Look your about to marry this guy and give him 110% of yourself and you need to know does he deserve that much from you ...............and also if there is something going on would you be capable of putting that much into a marraige with him? I know you said you wanted to work through it but you dont know what your reaction will be if he is in fact being unfaithful.
I would approach that girl, and very camly ask her would she do you a great favour and tell you the truth on this, be sure conceal any hatred you have towards her tho or she could clam up. I think any decent woman would be truthful in a case like this where you are about to enter a contract of marraige with this guy.

I really hope its not happening to you, and if he is messing around then hes a very silly man cos its evident here that you are a very strong person with a kind heart. Dont let anybody be wreckless with your heart honey.
I wish you luck xxx