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You will be able to tell from the look on his face and you will no longer be stressing yourself to pieces. It just seems so easy to me!
What a load of balderdash. Where do you get your facts from? You seem very innocent. One of my friends has just split up from her boyfriend of 6 years. She confronted him back a couple of years ago about this woman that she was sure he was seeing. A photo of the woman fell out of his wallet one day. He denied everything and said the only reason he was carrying around the photo was because it was a photo of a girl he had worked with and she had died not long ago. He was very convincing. It wasn't until two years later when the girl wanted him to leave my friend that she found out. The girl phoned my friend and told her all about the affair. It makes me sick when I think about it. My friend was in bits over it.
Joined: 22 Jun 2022 Posts: 449 Location: Melbourne
Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2022 12:47 am Post subject:
Quote:
A photo of the woman fell out of his wallet one day. He denied everything and said the only reason he was carrying around the photo was because it was a photo of a girl he had worked with and she had died not long ago. He was very convincing.
Would you honestly believe this story? and if you did, would you not find it as off-putting as worrying about him having an affair? Dead or alive, I don't thin I'd be too impressed with my husband carrying around a photo of another women. I honestly would have to agree somewhat with what Skippy said in regards to; why are women so gulible to believe these sort of stories? Are they that petrified of 'loosing their man' that they'll set themselves up for all sorts of terrible sadness and mis-fortune?
I personally cannot fathom the idea of being with a man with whom I cannot have a conversation. I think if you can't, you're both just playing games with each other. Life is short - why waste it constantly trying to draw blood from a stone or mothering some man who's still attached to his 'mammy's apron strings'. Relationships - and by this I mean good, solid ones, are all based around the concept of communication - I believe if you haven't got that - you haven't got too much to be clinging onto.
It is the original poster who is coming across as innocent. And as for your friend, Iva Bait, I agree with Chips on this one, she obviously did not want to see what was in front of her eyes and chose to believe her husbands rather crap explanation.
Women who leave themselves open to this kind of thing do not have the right to get all upset when it blows up in your face. It is your duty to protect yourself as much as you can. Only get into relationships with someone you can trust 100%. It is not hard, there are plenty of good men out there, but unfortunatley a lot of women have low self-esteem and partner themselves with losers.
And Shivers if I ever did happen to find myself in that situation I would do exaclty what I am advising Monaghan to do, confront him and be done with it, really what is the other option? No one seems to have an answer for the poor girl except hang in there??
I have to agree with the last few posters, a photo in his wallet and she believed it was a dead work friend who he had neve mentioned before.......
If you cant talk to your H2B or DH and if you dont know that hes lying to you its not really the best of signs for a long and happy relationship.......
Please Monaghanbride, talk to him, you cant commit to this man for life with these doubts. And consider the fact that their may be an innocent explanation...... you are ruining the trust in the relationship yourself by going around monitering the situation and sneaking looks at his phone!!!!
Whatever happens, what you are doing is not helping your relationship, talk to the man!!!!
im sorry but this is getting really silly!!!
im not gonna read this post anymore!!!
what you need to do Monaghan has been suggested over & over ... say it to him! i too cannot understand how you can go on and on with all this unsaid ? im not suggesting its easy .. but the answer is simple !!
honesty is the best policy right? so you need to be honest with him.. dont make a major deal of it but get it trashed out.
Like Skippy said were responsible for ourselves, you know this is happenin & continue anyway ?? why?
years ago my now husband was getting text's from an ex, he never mentioned it to me ( as a family funeral was going on) & i ended up seein them & gettin irritated that he had not said... we had a full blown arguement about it, funeral or not i couldnt let it pass....this same person text him again just before we got married & he rang to tel me straight away. Im not saying he is in any way perfect..but i think he learned that regardless of what was going on things like this need to be mentioned therefore not becoming a big deal! ( obviously your situation is alot differnt )
jesus there has to be consequnces to behaviours like his?? ... you are just reinforcing his regative behaviour by ignoring it !! change tactics love - CONFRONT HIM NOW!!
Hi there,
Not sure if this will even help you but I was in a similar situation some years ago. My previous relationship was my first serious one, we were together about 4 years or so and I was totally in love...
We were pretty equal in terms of wanting to go out and socialise etc.. he worked in a bar so what ever time he got off, it always involved going out and getting bladdered.. As the relationship progressed this became a bit boring and I changed, opting to have a night in instead of going out.. Unaware that he did'nt see things my way things started to drift...
I started noticing strange things happening in his behaviour. Like mobile phone never being out of his sight, mobile phone bills destroyed every month without fail, home time after closing the bar turned from 1-2 ish to 3-4.. If I decided I was heading to a club with my friends and we arranged to meet, 90% of the time he would go to a club the opposite end of town.. things like that... anyway, the phone issue was concerning me and one night he left it behind after going to work... I only found it because it went off after a message came through... It was from a girl asking where he was.. I knew who she was and had previous suspicions about her. So after deliberating, I relied pretending I was him and asked her where she was waiting and she replied with all the details... this happened so long ago now I can hardly remember what I was asking her, but to cut a long story short, after our brief conversation by text prentending to be my boyfriend, it transpired something was going on and I eventually relpied that it was me and not my boyfriend and she became defensive... I have never approached her since that day but I have to say I have always felt uncomfortable when she was around and felt bad for texting her. I wish that I had left the situation as it was and asked him outright.
My advice to you is, not to say anything to her, sit down with your H2B and ask him outright and demand the truth. If he has nothing to hide why has'nt he told you about these text messages before??????? it may be nothing, but dont let it fester in your mind.. I did and it caused me great heartache and pain... Dont get me wrong, it was for the best cause I decided to get away from it all and disappeared to Australia where I met my H2B, moved to Scotland a year later and have never clapped eyes on my Ex since....
So for the moment im monitoring it. I will keep checking his phone when i can and keep an eye on him, if something comes up then ill confront him straight away. I know it sounds terrible that i have to keep an eye on him but i think i can do this for a few weeks just to make sure
I'm sorry to hear what you're going through monahganbride.
I dont think you should let it go. It will only eat away at you and fester & one day it will explode. You should talk about it now to him or as soon as possible. Thinking about it will drive you mad. You will feel better once it's out there. I cant imagine this being very good for yer relationship at the moment so how can talking make it worse.
He might never have meantioned the texts coz there genuinely mightn't be anything going on. I'm not being naive as I had a similar problem with my H2B when we first got together. I can understand completely that it's not as simple as leaving this person. This is is person you may have loved for a long time, you've said Yes to this man and prob cant imagine being with anyone else. This has nothing to do with being weak or dependant on a man nor has it anything to do with being naive. You have alot of ties to this person and they cant be easily broken.
Dont go to this woman first, I think that would be a huge mistake for a number of reasons (1) Its between you and him, if there is something going on he needs to admit it & accept the consequences. She has no loyalty to you, he has (2) if she is trying to get with him or hold on to him she might make out there's more to these texts & their relationship than there actually is. Where will that leave you? Who do you believe? Yes there are women like that! (3) She could lie about it and that will make you feel worse and (4) She might just be a friend and then tell your H2B what you've done & he might be really hurt that you couldn't talk to him about it. That could be disastrous.
For the sake of yer relationship you should talk to him straight away. You wont hear anything worse than the scenarios you've played out in your mind. Again I'm so sorry, no matter what happens there's a reason for it and you'll be stronger for it.
Also rem you didnt bring on yourself and nobody deserves this. People writing here saying that are very silly and i feel sorry for their narrow mindedness. Nothing is that black and white.
_________________ [font=Verdana]Until I marry my love[/font][br]
Thanks to both stbMRS.B and ScottAnne. Youve both given me some really good advice. Thanks for your kind words. You seem to understand that its so eady to hand out advice and tell people what to do when youre not in that situation. I appreciate it and i will keep you updated with what happens.
monaghanbride, have you still not discussed this with your H2B seeing as you first posted about this 3 weeks ago?? Is he still acting strange? I don't know how I would be able to stay quiet about this!
Joined: 17 Aug 2022 Posts: 940 Location: Flimbo fan...
Posted: Sun Oct 15, 2021 8:57 pm Post subject:
I agree with hunky_dorey, you're going to have to ask him sometime so you should get it over with for your own sake. Even if it quietens down it will still be in the back of your mind for a long time. You need to go into your marriage with no secrets. You will feel a weight lifted off your shoulders when it is out in the open.
I always thought I would not involve myself in arguments on WOL but I am just totally horrified by Skippy's last thought, honestly I hope nothing ever happens that you need support from a friends cause I just don't know how you can say such things. Have you ever seen someone go through pain do you honestly think they don't deserve your support.
monaghan-sorry to hear that you are going through this but you are getting alot of very bad advice here.
If you hire a private investigator then consider your relationship FINISHED. Your partner will drop you like a hot potatoe if he finds out about it and believe me he will find out about it.
Why are you marrying someone you don't trust? Its alot easier to get married than divorced you know?? This is a really immature attitude to have. How will you live your life wondering and "monitoring"? You need to talk to him and tell hime about your concerns-if you are not able to talk to him then you shouldn't be marrying him.
Joined: 15 Oct 2021 Posts: 182 Location: Cork, the real capital
Posted: Sat Oct 21, 2021 5:10 pm Post subject:
I didn't think I was giving bad advice about the private investigator thing. If it were me, I'd prefer to pay �1,000 on one of them even if they told me that the H2B wasn't cheating rather than go through married life thinking everything was lovely only to find that my suspicions were right all along (and H2B denied them when quizzed) and being cleaned out of my life savings to get a separation from him. Unless Monaghanbride tells him, he's not going to find out. PIs operate on the basis of not being known, after all. Receipts and reports from a private investigator can be destroyed. Everyone knows someone who has carried a secret with them for years, even to the grave. I just suggested the investigator thing because someone very close to me asked her husband if he was seeing someone and he denied it - the investigator told her otherwise. Sometimes people lie very convincingly because it can be a confidence thing for them to have loyal wifey at home waiting for them and the supposedly hot bit on the side also waiting for them - why would they admit to doing that?
Having said all that, I believe that you should trust your intuition - if something doesn't "fit" right, don't dismiss it. If you find that you can't live with this, don't. A broken engagement hurts but you can start over a lot easier than having to get a separation agreement or judicial separation - and it costs less in the long run. Not to mention the fact that some folks deliberately refuse to agree to a separation or divorce just to hurt you and spite you, not because they want to make the marriage work.
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