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Hi all,
I am a regular poster but for reasons of anonymity I do not want to post under usual name.

We recently were married and the was fantastic, we were both having a wonderful time , as were all the guests until the music stopped.

Bit of background here.... there were a few people who we were asked to invite by DH parents, and as we didnt want to since they are friends of DH siblings and not him, we just sent evening invites to keep the peace. The evening before wedding, we got call from his parents to say the "unintended guests" were to be seated for the meal or else things would turn nasty. Neddless to say I didnt want to bow to this blackmail but DH said to just do it to keep the peace - that we could just ignore the fact that they were there. I was so mad, as obviously I had enough to be doing the night before wedding.

So the day went off wonderfully, and we just pretended they weren't there. Then at the end of the night one of them came over to me and stated that if I knew all the things she knew about my DH, that I would never have married him!!! I mean WTF!!!! What kind of thing is that to say to a bride on her wedding day?
I was shocked but just calmly stated that he 's my husband now, and I have the rest of my life to find out. Previously to this she had been hanging around me being smart and trying to start a fight. I found out later she had been the same with all of my extended family.

She pissed me off, but I said nothing to DH, we went to bed early to have some fun!!! Then on the honeymoon, I knew it was eating me up, and I had to say something. So I told him, and then half-jokingly said" You were with her before weren't you?" And he said yes!!! He said it was years ago, before we ever met and he was drunk. Now I do believe this, however I cannot stop thinking about it since.

I keep thinking she only said what she did to annoy me, but I cannot get the image of them together out of my head. Now I'm even wondering if it was since we met! I really don't think it can be as she lives 100 miles away, but the grain of doubt has now been sown. Please help!!!! I brought it up one time with DH, and he was a bit shocked that I even was bothered by what she said, but he said that if I was pissed off then that's exactly what she wanted, and she'd be delighted if she knew. I know he's right but how can I stop thinking about it? Every night we go to bed that he is tired, I think "if I was her, he wouldn't have sleep on his mind". If I keep thinking like this, I will ruin everthing. I never had any reason before to be jealous, so DH isn't used to this from me. He dosen't know how I feel, and now I'm afraid to pry further in case I get answers I don't want to hear.

I realise that compared to others here, this is only a petty problem, but none of us can help our feelings. I have evn thought of councelling to get it out of my head. Before my wedding day it was all rosy (it still is ) , but in my head I'm messed up. I love him so much and I know how annoyed I would be if he started needlessly getting jealous about one of my exes. What can I do???

Stop it right now! Do not give that little knacker another thought. She should never have been at your wedding and she must have known that she was a last minute addition to the day. This obviously really pissed her off and she decided to wreck your head by planting that little seed. There are a thousand girls like that out there. Look at it from her point of view, she wasn't wanted at the wedding, was only asked at the last minute and had to watch her ex marry someone else. Knacker + Jealousy + Alcohol= bitchy comments.

So you asked your hubby and he admitted they were together in the past. Don't let that bother you, we all have a past. She just went out of her way to let you know this so she could upset you and you have let it work.

So don't let her into your head anymore. When you feel negative about the whole thing just concentrate on the fact that she was just being spiteful because she was jealous of you. It does happen, girls can be terrible to eachother, but she sounds like a total knackcer anyway!

Enjoy being a newlywed!

I'm sorry guest I would be more annoyed at the fact that your in-laws insisted on the eve before your wedding that ye should ask people ye didn't want to other than this little eejitt who seems to be pathetic trying to cause trouble at a wedding. Skippy is right, we all have a past n at least your hubby was honest with you, it would have been worse if he denied it and you later found out he had been with her before ye met. I know it's hard but you have to forget this girl and get on with your married life. Your hubby is right she would be delighted if she knew how much it was bothering you. I would have serious issues with my in-laws laying down the law like that and blackmailing you, have you said this to your hubby. I think this is the thing that needs to be addressed because if they did it at your wedding they will do it for the rest of your lives if you don't put a stop to it now.

My God girl you got a bit of a head wrecking situation going on there . I could tell you to forget her shes only a jealous woman(which she is!) or I could tell you your in laws are interfering(which they are!). But you know that the real problem here is that with the situation with the inlaws getting their way on the wedding left you as the outsider on your big day. But remember your DH sided with them to keep the peace (in the long run it made ye the bigger people) and you were already feeling a bit peeved and then when your trust was low in came 'her who isn't worth talking about ' and hit you where it hurt your realtionship.
You sound to me like you have a fantastic relationship and a loving husband who like us all as skippy says has a past.
You need to sit down with your husband somewhere he can listen to you with no distractions(candles and a romantic meal at home if thats your thing is always a good choice) tell him you love him and you know he loves you but you need reassurance that hes on your side and that no matter what is thrown at you in your marraige he'll stand by you. Dont let him make you feel guilty tell him you know ye are capable of solving this together cause its eating you up inside and even if it seems silly to him its important to you to feel steady at this point in your relationship.
Also you remember girl he married you you're the love of his life and the rest will just have to deal with it.

You are not the one with the jealously problem, she is!! How sad must a person be to say something like that to a bride on her wedding night! I mean cop on, if she wasnt able to hold onto him years ago then what would she get from saying something like that apart from making a total fool of herself.

I bet she is single too! She obviously has a big void in her life and needs to be petty about stuff like that to fill it. If you trust your husband then you have nothing to worry about, and if there was any reason not to trust him I'm sure you would have copped on long before you married him.

You poor thing but you really have to stop tormenting yourself.
Although I do find it strange DH never mentioned this fling with this girl its in the past and unfortunately nothing can change it.

I don't know how you kept your cool with her on your wedding day and that carry on was pure evil. She is sick with jealousy but rise above all of it at the end of the day what she wants/wanted she can't have your DH is yours forever more.....stupid bitch!

What a twisted cow She sounds like she has some serious issues.

Sit and talk to your DH before you drive yourself mad thinking about it. Im sure he will be shocked to hear that your carrying such a burden around with you. Remember your problems are his and vice versa from now on.

Hi girls!
Thank you all so much for replying. You don't know how much better I feel now after hearing your comments. I'm glad that you understand how upset I am, but your right - I have to just forget her. I have better things to occupy my time with - like trying to figure out how to use these ovulation thermometers!!!

Yes - I guess she was just trying to hurt me, and decided to go below the belt where it hurt most. I know that our paths will cross again (another family wedding coming up), but I guess I'm the one with my dignity and my MAN

Thanks again - I dunno about saying anything else to DH, when I get my confidence fully back I might mention something in a few months, but at the moment its still raw and I don't want him to think I'm a clingy, jealous psycho!

Thanks girls - I needed the reassurance!

Like everyone else has said, you have nothing to worry about. Your husband has chosen to marry you, spend the rest of his life with you, and no doubt you are a great and lovable person. Just have confidence in yourself and your husband, these kinds of jealous feelings arise when we don't trust ourselves and our own good judgement. You had an unpleasant experience meeting that horrible girl on your wedding day and that must have been really stressful. Don't worry about being open about your feelings with your husband and if you're still obsessing do go and see a counsellor. I had a similar problem in the past and one session with a counsellor had me nearly right as rain. It's something that is so easily fixed, don't let it gather steam.

forget about her, you're married to him now, thats all that matters. so what if he was with her in the past..everyone has a past and skeletons in their closet, he chose to be with you and now you're together. she's just jealous thats all and v immature. let it go and get on with enjoying married life!

Oh my god,
I am soooo p!ssed off for you!!
Little B!tch!!

The girls have all given such great advice (as usual!!!) I will only add something my mum said to me this morning
'do not let anything take one minute of the time you have with him (my wonderful husband)'

I know it is much easier said than done, but do not let her get under your skin.
She does not deserve one minute of your time. Every time you think of her, focus on something else, maybe your hot hubby.
Sometimes (as sick as it is) we like to dwell, fester and pick at old wounds, but DO NOT, soon you will have forgotten about it, and the image won't annoy you anymore.

I am in total agreement with Mrs Athas. Your Mother is a wise woman.

I know it is so easy for everyone to give you advice to stop thinking about it. We all know its easier said than done but this girl is just a spiteful twisted hag who has nothing better to do than stir it up.

For all you know she could have done this to someone else in the past.

There are some really nasty people out there but that really is close to the top of the list of mean things to do.

Take care of yourself and that hubby of yours.