WeddingsOnline.ie

Hi Guys,
u r always fantastic with ur advice n id really love it if u's cud help me 2.
Im set 2 b married in April but there is and if im honest, always has been another guy in my life. He was my childhood sweetheart and for the past 8 yrs he has come and gone out of my life, not always together, but as friends. We hav always been like brother and sister. My h2b has been there for me for 7 yrs and i do love him, but i love the other guy 2 and im really messed up. He has started txtin me sayin im makin a big mistake and that it shud b him n he'll always luv me.. stuff like this, i thought we had both moved on but now im not so sure.

Marriage seems very final 2 me and i dont know if i want it now. All my deposits r paid n i have my dress. Dont tell me 2 b honest with h2b bcos we hav already been tru this over the other guy. But he wont go away, he never has and last nite he said "I'll go away if you tell me u dont love me", i txtd bak and said i didnt, he knew it was 2 easy. He knows me so well. Please help me, what am i going 2 do, i dont want 2 hurt any1....

this is a bit of a dilema you have. I am going to be blunt. You say you love H2B but in my opinion you dont love him enough. This is not a dig at you but i think if he is the one you are meant to marry you would know it. The other guy would have no place in your heart. YOu do obviously have feelings for this other guy. This is unfair to h2b and you need to decide what you sre going to do. If you are going to stay with h2b you have to cut this other guy out of your life. If you want this other guy in your life you need to break it off with h2b. The money you have already spent cannot even factor into it. You have to give him a chance to find someone to be happy with.

But remember never leave the one you love for the one you like cos the one you like will leave you for the one they love

Hi gingerbride, you poor thing you sound so confused and i can only imagine, scared that whatever you decide to do, it might be the wrong action. maybe you need some time on your own to think without seeing either your h2b or this other person, is this possible, could you go away for a break or something and just turn off the phone so you can think? have you done your premarriage course yet, maybe they could help you with this?
is it possible that this other guy is only getting in contact now because he knows your getting married and hes desperately trying to hold on to what you had? what i mean is, he may have consciously or sub-consciously thought that you would always be there waiting for him or that he could get you back any time (i hope that doesnt sound mean cos i dont mean it to be) and now that you have someone else and your life is moving forward and he sees you happy, he is in a panic to have you back? hes messing with your head by sending you these texts.

sorry i cant help you more on this but i think this is something you need to talk to someone about because as you said yourself, marriage is pretty final and you need to be completely sure before you go ahead.

I agree with beanies girl in that money does not even come into this, dont even think about the money.

Hi Gingerbride, I have to say I agree with BigApple this guy is seriously messing with your head. If he really loved you, would he not just let it go and let you be happy? Before he started texting you and proclaiming his love for you, did you have second thoughts? I dont mean to sound patronising, but is it possible your getting carried away with all this attention he's giving you? You need to decide if you feel the same and if you do then you need to tell H2B. Hope all works out for you

I dont think that this other guy should be getting all the blame for this situation

Im not blaming him, just think that he's being a little unfair sending these type of texts when Gingernuts about to get married. Its a stressful time as it is!

she doesnt have to reply to him though or she could change her number, if she didnt want to be in touch with this guy she wouldnt have to be. people change numbers all of the time. It isnt like he just popped up out of the blue he has been around for the last 8 years!

Thanx girls

I have changed my number once and he ends up getting it again off mutual friends. I have done nothing else but think about this situation, i just keep going round in circles. H2b and i have been tru a lot and he has never let me down, but we dont exactly click the way i do with this other guy. hes not just txtin bcos im getting married, i asked him to go away and let me get on with my life, that instead of forcing things, if we were meant to b together we wud b eventually. I suppose adleast with h2b i know where i am and that no matter how tough things get he'll always b there, i asked myself this bout the other guy and i dunno. I think i will go ahead and get married and recite the vows and mean them. The other guy is so kind and is a really beautiful person, such a romantic, but how long for?
Im gonna get married, fo better or worse, suppose i just need 2 put this behind me now and get excited. This is the way its always been, 6 months dont c or hear from him, then hes back asking crazy things of me.. All id b afraid of is him showing up at my wedding and making a show of me, what would i do?
Anyway girls thanx a mil,
really appreciate it.
xxxxx

gingerbride, no offence but i dont think you should marry someone just cos they are 'reliable' which is how you have made your h2b sound. Are you in love with him? you make your future life with h2b sound mundane compared to the dream life you might have with the other guy.

You change your number and he asks mutual friends for it? Sounds a bit creepy to me - can he not take the hint, like? In my opinion he's just trying to stir sh*t and try to get something that he doesn't even want, in order to just prove to himself that he can i.e. you! What if he just says he wants you because he knows your getting married and sees it as a challenge? Has your H2b ever done anything to make you doubt him or make you wonder why your marrying him? If not then I'd steer well clear of this other fella, because whose to say that he won't get tired of you if you leave you h2b for him and the challenge and thrill of the chase is no longer there?

He sounds like an a*shole to be going on like this with someone who is about to get married. Does he text after he's been out for the night or is he sober sometimes?

Wow!!!!

I have to say if I was thinking really deep about another guy before I was getting married, I'd have to ask myself, is this marriage right?? I always thought people should be sooooooooooo excited about marrying their H2B and not wondering about another guy and the what if's!!

Do you want to go ahead with this marriage?

Don't feel you have to go ahead with the marriage because deposits are paid and friends & relations are all looking forward to the day!!!

What does your gut tell you to do??

Yer man seems quite mean BTW knowing that you're about to get married yet he's texting you etc. Why only every 6 months or so? Is he texting late at night with a possible few drinks on him?

You poor thing!! Not a nice situation to be in at all!!

Be true to yourself!!

OH GB - feel so sorry for you with this decision, but to be honest I think this guy is messing with your head, he wants what he can't have, where was he when you were young-free-single? I think the flattery is getting to you (it would to me too!) but you have your whole life ahead, with someone you love or don't love, thats basically your decision. Hope it works out for you

i'd be a bit worried about gingerbride saying this:

Quote:

H2b and i have been tru a lot and he has never let me down, but we dont exactly click the way i do with this other guy.

Sounds to me like either you don't click with h2b enough or you just THINK you don't? You need to seriously sort this out and decide which one you are more suited to or love more!

hi...
i kinda know what you're going thru... Now, let me just say that my childhood sweetheart is now very happy in a long relationship and I am completely and totally in love with my fiance. We no longer have feelings for each other but are still good friends.
This guy was always in my life, and when I was single (and once or twice when i wasnt so single... tho way before my fiance) we would always kiss! It never went any further and to be honest I think it would have fizzled out much quicker if it did, but he always made me doubt my choices. I used to love him, and thought that even if I did end up married, he would turn up and stop it because we were meant to be together and all that jazz! Watched way too many movies... but as we never ever made it to boyfriend/girlfriend stages, I always wondered what it would be like.
I think if you are having any doubts tho, that deep down you think the one you are marrying is not the one for you. I always had doubts with previous bf's and thought of my other guy quite often. But since meeting my fiance, I haven't doubted my feelings and thought otherwise. I think that's when you know what you're doing is right. You should really think about what you're saying, you say "marriage seems so final" and you dont know if you're ready, and these are very serious things to say if you've already commited to do it.
I'm not going to tell you to be honest with your H2B, but be honest with yourself. If you have doubts then something isn't right. Is it the thought of not being able to be with the other guy, or the thought of actually being with him thats making you doubt getting married.
If this other guy is a really beautiful person, and all that, why is he trying to ruin what should be a magic time for you? Why does he disappear for 6 months and reappear making ludicrous demands...? Doesn't sound too great to me... Although, I hope for your sake your husband is more than just reliable and that he treats you well and you love him. I think you delete this other guy from your life, if you want to be happy and doubtless. By responding to him and thinking about him, you're appearing open to this other guy. You need to ignore this other guy and move on yourself, whether he does aswell or not.
I don't really know what else to say but I wanted to make a contribution... x