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hey there guys

this is my first time posting for advice, but i really do need it.

my h2b was on a "working holiday" in boston in september. all was hunky dorey when he came back - until i had to check his emails.

he had these emails from this american girl with photos attached but although i was a bit mystified, i didn't think too much of it.

it did get my curiosity going and so the P.I. in me decided to look in his phone. and you've guessed it it turns out he had a msg from her.

she was wondering that when she comes to visit ireland in the new year if they will be meeting on "just friends" terms or not. because she couldn't see him if she couldn't kiss him.

i of course went into shock and have been since. i confronted h2b and he admitted that he was with her. he maintains that he didn't sleep with her and that it was just a "fling" (his terms, not mine)

he has told me that he is sorry and the whole "fling" thing has been left in boston. he doesn't want to contact her again. and that its me that he wants to be with.

thing is, i dont know if i can ever trust him again. i love him to pieces andhe has ripped me apart. i dont know if i'll get over it if we get back together.

has anyone else been through this and come out the other side ok? or should i call the wedding off???

didn't want to read this and not reply. the thing is, noone can tell you what is the right thing to do. i'm sure that either you know what is the right thing to do or you will figure it out.
did he give this girl his contact details or did she have them because of work?
just remember that everyone deserves a second chance, but maybe not a third. if this was a first and only incident, and you believe it to be so, then maybe you can trust him again.
hugs

PM'd you girl

Hi there. I am truly sorry for what you are going through. I am not going to tell you to throw him out bla bla ba because i do not think that is what you are here for.

Why, if it is all over, does he have pictures of her and not delete them? Texts on his phone and not delete them. Did you check sent texts, if his phone deleted them?

I don't know what i would do in your situation, and i pray to god i am never in it. Do you think that you can get over this?

Maybe if you live together you could get him to temporarily move out and try dating again and try to get the relationship back to what it was? The wedding is still a year away so maybe do nothing rash, although you could maybe postpone it,

Hmmmm, I am of the once a cheater always a cheater camp. You will have to think long and hard about this and talk things through with him. I don't know exactly what I would do in that situation but I know that my trust in him would be ruined. Is he very remorseful about what happened?

yea, i would be in that camp 2. i know that if i cheated on him that i'd be booted...no question

i'm not in the form for even thinking of forgiving him yet..he did leave me a letter yest saying how sorry he was.

but i'm sure he's thinking to himself that 'whats done is done.. now move on shite'

we're together nine yrs & supposed to marry nxt dec. tis a long time to be with someone - dunno if i cud be without him....

I really feel for you, I know that if it happened to me that my heart would be broken. 9 years is a long time to be together and I think that he should be grovelling and on his knees begging you to forgive him. Make sure he realises how serious this is, even if it was only a kiss it is still a betryal of your trust. Think about how guilty you would feel if it was the other way around? Although men are a bit thick when it comes to feelings!!

God girl, my heart goes out to you. I agree with the other posters that you will figure out yourself what is best for you in time, but I would suggest postponing the wedding at this stage. The fact that you have set the date will only put pressure on you to make a decision as the date looms near, but what you need now is time to decide what next step to take. This is a situation that we all hope will never happen to us so I'm sure it has been a major blow after so many years together. Take your time with things, the answers will unfold as you go along. I wish you well.

thanks so much for your advice girlies,

i'm still not sure if he realises how big a deal it is for me. i mean i was totally fine with him going out to boston on his own for a month..i thought the break would do us good, ya know. but am just angry at how he betrayed my trust like that.

i got the feeling that he thought it was his right to have a fling before settling down

def think i'm too annoyed with him to talk ...will have to write him a letter and let him know how i feel

gosh this is a terrible situation for you.

i agree write it all down give it a few days to settle and if u still happy with what you have written then give it to him

should things escalate you could always suggest going to a professional and he might see how serious it all is then.

Either way its not good enough to have a fling before you are married he has to be committed to you 100% and i can understand totally why you would feel it hard to trust him.

Hope you get through this ok and sure we all here to help you out if you need it.

best of luck with it all

double post

I couldn't trust him and I can't believe he's being so flip about the whole thing. It doesn't matter if he didn't technically sleep with the girl, kissing is still cheating, you really need to decide what you want from this guy, and sort out the whole thing. If it was me I'd boot him back to the states.

ah pet, I dont know what to say to you, do you ever think that you can re-build the trust in your relationship again?

((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm of the belief that if they do it once they'll do it again camp too....

I know you feel really low at the moment but in time you will feel better, take some time out to make yourself feel better first before you make any decisions. Once you've calmed down from the initial shock you will be in a better position to decide where YOU want to go from here. You have to decide on what's best for you before you can decide on what's best for both of you as a couple. Put yourself first and everything else will fall into place.

You'll get through this, trust me

Hi dec 07 bride2b

God love you my heart goes out to you. My question would be if you had'nt confronted him was he ever going to tell you? and had he planned to meet her when she came to Ireland n the new year? The must have discussed it if he had said or implied they couldnt kiss if they met up??
It such a hard decision to make I think the other girls are right in saying give it a few days maybe be apart for a while.

Best of luck. I hope it works out.