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hi there girlies

as i said when i wrote the post on my situation that it was my first one.

i cant believe the response and all the lovely support i'm getting. its unbelievable, thanks soooo much.

i really felt alone and vunerable when i found out first, but with all your support and advice i feel that i can be in charge of this and try to take control again.

so to keep you updated..i'm still feeling really sh***y about the whole thing.
i still haven't decided what to do and i still feel that i need buckets of time. i've only told 2 trusted friends about it and they've been super to me.

as for h2b...he rang lastnight wondering "how i was"????? what does he expect??
i really don't think he expected me to react the way i did cause i'd usually be a laid back sort of gal.

i'm hoping that at least its startin to hit home with him now, and that he's starting to get rid of that american attitude that he picked up out there.

i've told him to leave me be for now and i'll contact him when i'm ready...so much to think about....

thanks again for your kind words and hits of reality that i needed...keep them coming as i need all the support i can get

Really sorry to hear whats happened,

I think you are doing the right thing by saying you will contact him when YOU are ready...I definitely think that if someone does that he needs to be made to sweat it out you have to stand up for yourself and make him see you wont take any s..t.

This is a precedent for the rest of your lives together..

Think seriously if the shoe was on the other foot and he had realised a guy YOU had a fling with was texting you etc...what would his reaction be..?

Most men I think would go ballistic..

At the end of the day after you have given yourselves some time you will both decide whether you can work through this, but make sure he knows he cant take you for granted and that he has risked losing everything.

Really sorry to hear whats happened,

I think you are doing the right thing by saying you will contact him when YOU are ready...I definitely think that if someone does that he needs to be made to sweat it out you have to stand up for yourself and make him see you wont take any s..t.

This is a precedent for the rest of your lives together..

Think seriously if the shoe was on the other foot and he had realised a guy YOU had a fling with was texting you etc...what would his reaction be..?

Most men I think would go ballistic..

At the end of the day after you have given yourselves some time you will both decide whether you can work through this, but make sure he knows he cant take you for granted and that he has risked losing everything.

Hi pet. I'm really sorry to hear that. I think all the advice in the world will not help you in this situation. You have to follow your heart. If you love him then you'll have to try and find a way to forgive him. Most importantly you have to make sure you're doing the best thing for YOU, not him, but you.

Hope you work things out. Let us know how things are going.

Hugs to you...

Buffy x

I am conflicted. Half of me can't believe that you are for real and the other half just wants to tell you to cop the fuck on. So just in case you are for real here is my advice, no holds barred, because you obviously need it:

He fucked that Boston Chick. He would have fucked her again when she came over, if you had not found him out. And after you got married, if he had been given the chance, he would have fucked her again. And then he would have left you.

Do you want to know why???? Because after you found his emails you did not kick him out, instead you faffed around giving him the benefit of the doubt. Waste of time. He fucks around, and you got fucked.

Cancel the wedding, and sue him for all the deposits you stand to lose. You have a case to do so.

Or you can just cry in your sleep like a big girl....

The choice is yours.

harsh and blunt but i would have to agree with skippy.

Do you know what I honestly think skippy is just rotten, this is not the first time I have seen her post such things jeez, tone it down, I don't think your post is to anyones benefit.

There is no need to put it like that Skippy.

God, have you ever heard of tact?

Jesus Skippy-give the girl a break.
I really feel bad for you Dec 07 and hope you're starting to get things clear in your head. It must be such a difficult situation....9 years is a long time, I've been with H2B for nearly 7 years and couldn't even start to get my head around the idea of not being with him, but then on the other hand, I don't know how long I could put up with looking over my shoulder all the time. Trust is so important IMO. I guess if it was me, I'd try and work out whether I could begin to trust him again and whether I wanted to trust him again or not.....

I havent read any of Skippys other posts and tbh with that kind of attitude and language I wouldnt be bothered. My first impression was that Skippy is a man !

Dec 07 Bride2be - Thats a rotten situation youre in and I dont have much more to add than what the other posters have already said. Just give yourself time and space and youll work through it. I'm also with my h2b nine years and wouldnt end the relationship without having a good long think first.
Good luck chick!
NG

Well harsh or not I do think that skippy has a point.
I dont think that any cheating in a relationship is justified no matter how long youre with the person. To disrespect and abuse someones trust like that is just wrong..and not "love". I would personally be so fast out of that relationship you wouldnt see me for dust.