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Did anyone feel like this before they were engaged? I am with my boyfriend for 5 years and I honestly can say I love him more each day. I still get butterflies when I see him, and our relationship is going from strength all the time. This year I moved to be with with in his home town and I'm happier than I've ever been. So basically everything in the garden is rosy. However, I am scared out of my wits that he will propose to me . We've spoken about marriage and how it's what we both want, but even though I'm 29 tomorrow and all is going great with him, I just don't see myself married in the near future. Is it normal to just feel so scared of the committment? Every time we go to a wedding I come back home feeling lousy because the wedding has reconfirmed how I feel. He knows this, and he saw it in me last week too after friends of ours got married. He just says not to worry and not to think about it, but I do feel bad for him. Even though he's not saying much about it, I get the impression he would like us to get married soon. I hear him talking to his friends and they're all "you'll be next" and "let me know if you need any tips on the big proposal". This is usually in front of me as the lads probably think it's what I want to hear. My boyf doesn't get uncomfortable with this, but I'm squirming, and usually just say "sure maybe he'll have to wait for me to ask him". I say this so he doesn't get any ideas. How weird am I? What am I afraid of?

What am I afraid of?

noone can answer that one girl, but seriously is it the trappings and wedding that turns you off or the actual standing up there saying the words infront of people?

Are there broken relationships/ marraiges in your life that have made you think no way?

as i say only you really know - the rest of us will be guessing

I used to think that I would never get married - I felt it was unnatural and unrealistic to think that I could spend 40 or 50 years with the same peron and not go mad! I'd look forward to when I'd be 60 and think OMG and feel claustrafobic (sp) and sick and think NEVER! However over time and so very gradually things or me changed, don't know what it was really but I think I realised that no-one can look too far ahead and you have to take each day as it comes. One day I just realised that I was "ready" to get married and that right then and there it felt like the right thing to do and I had no doubts or hesitations (which did surprise me as I also used to wonder when I'd know "the one"). I think like me one day it will feel right and you don't know when that will be. I think that friends getting married is making you feel a little under pressure as well. And as for proposing well when I felt I was ready to get married I asked my hubbie (I'm a bit of a control freak and once I have my mind made up well that's it). I think just enjoy your time together as life's way to short and fragile and just see where the road takes ye both.

Maybe you are just a girl who hates to be tied down or is lamenting the passing of your youth!!!? I felt the same way too but not as strongly as you. Even though I have been in a committed relationship since I was 23, the thoughts of actually being legally married to my hubby freaked me out a bit. Looking back now (only married since June) I think I just hated the idea of settling down and growing up!. There is still a bit of freedom in not being married to someone even if you are living together or even have a house together. Maybe it's that tiny final step that is freaking you out?

If you think about it you would no more run away on your partner now than you would if you were married but maybe you equate being married with finally being an adult and having to behave as such? I know that's what I hated about the idea of marriage.

But it's not like that at all, I am still the same silly girl I was six months before I know I will be the same eejit in six years time! And I am very glad we took this final legal step.

But isn't it mad how our peers put pressure on us to the things they do i.e. get married, buy a house or have a baby? It's like they don't want you to be different to them and make them question their own steps in life.

I say rock on you rebel!!!!

Actually Skippy, that's very much how I feel. I think marriage is for grown ups only, not me!

Also, as Nelly mentioned, my parents have a very unhappy marriage and I grew up in a house full of rows and no love between them. That didn't put me off marriage, only determined not to go down the same path and marry the wrong man. I have had a dream a few times where I am walking down the aisle to my boyfriend, and suddenly I get a feeling in the pit of my stomach that I'm making a mistake! It's the fear of that, on my wedding day, that scares me most of all. It only comes to the surface and stays for a few days after we've been to a wedding, and then I forget about it again.

Mistified, this is just a thought, but maybe it would make you feel better to take control of the situation. You seem as scared of the proposal as anything else, so maybe you should spend some time working through why you feel the way you do, and if at the end of it you can accept that this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, and it's not so scary after all, you should do the proposing. The fear factor might diminish greatly if you took matters in hand, and then have a nice long engagement, no rushing things. Just a thought.....

My parents have a strong relationship but I grow up with a serious marriage phobia for some unknown reason.
I could never imagine myself making a life long commitment because I could never get past the thoughts of "life long". I even had children before getting marriage which is ridiculous given that you don't get more life long commited than that. However when we were planning our youngest I suddenly decided that it was really important to me to get married so we got engaged. Like your man my hubbie never had any problem with the thought of it. Everything was fine untill after my hen ( 6 weeks before the wedding ) when it suddenly hit me what a huge commitment it was. I can't explain it because I have always intended on staying with him forever and plan on having more children but for some reason the thought of marriage just made me feel trapped. I felt like I would lose my identity and I really couldn't accept the fact that calling myself his wife would mean I definitely wasn't 16 anymore!
I can't tell you how you'll feel in time but I can tell you that I got over my freak out and went ahead with it as planned and I haven't felt any of those negative feelings. We've lived together for years so it actually made no difference to our lives apart from the odd feeling of contentment I have which is all good.