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Regular user, please help.

Got married this summer. Hubby and I have had sex once a month at most.

It's been like this for quite a while.

When I talk to him he says it's because I'm tired or he's tired or that i have higher libido than him.

I was sick for a while, and sex became painful, and then we just kind of stopped.

We've just fallen into a habit, or I suppose. I had doubts before the wedding, for no other reason than I wondered if having no sex would eventually break us up.

It's breaking my heart. I love my husband, I fancy him but I just don't know what to do.

Gosh I dont know what to say. Sex is very important. its a way of being especially intimate with somebody and it is extremely important in a relationship. But its not the only thing that makes a relationship. You are in love and you fancy him. You have fallen out of the habit of sex. you are not the only person who this has happenend to.
There is nothing more off putting than painful sex. You got out of the habit and now you need to get yourself back into the habit of it, no matter how tired/bored you may be. Lingerie? Toys?
Its very important, IMO that you both sit down and discuss this openly.
If after a while, its stilll not happening, what about going to see a sex therapist?
Good luck pet

Make one night during the week a special night together to relax and chill out and lead up to making love wherever you are ie kitchen, stairs wherever..
TV is a huge distraction, personal opinion! There always seems to be something "we have to watch". H2B and I don't bother anymore with having to watch this that and the other on particular nights and "have early nights" instead. Try to do this one night a week and lead up to two or three and you will see a huge difference.
The body craves sex when it gets it regularly!! When I am tired I often tell H2B that I am too tired but once under the covers touch is all thats needed and I'm away!!

I used to be in this situation so know the effort that is required and I was the one saying I was tired!!

Good Luck!!

i'm in the same kinda situation, finding time is the hardest thing but it doesn't bother me to be honest. We went from the stage of doing it every night to once or twice a week to once or twice a month! More likely my choice though! There'll be loads of sex to be had once we are TTC !

You poor pet... myself and h2b went through this stage at one time. But it was me saying the "i'm too tired" routine.... The other wollies are right... you can fall out of the habit of having sex... once you build it up slowly and gradually your body begins to crave sex more.

Try to go for all out romance....seduce him, do whatever needs doing and if that still doesn't work after a month or two then go see someone about it.

Hope it all works out for you pet, chin up

Buffy x

Hi there, had a similar experience myself. It'll come back, one piece of advice I could have done with though is don't try to solve it in one night of seduction and wham bamb as it might end in tears or frustration as you will both be a little aprehensive and confidence will be low! take it slowly, intruduce some teasing, perhaps a massage that leads to nothing one night and a meal the next (With no tv) and by the end of the week something might be stirred in you both!

Why don't you arrange a rosemantic weekend away for the two of you or even just a night in a local hotel!! Get all the fancy undies out and make it a night about rompies!!

Like someone above said, have a specific night a week that's just for you guys and rompies!!

I think a lack of sex can affect a relationship especially if one has a higher libedo than the other. Have an honest open chat to him about it and tell him of your needs in the relationship. Tell him that you both need to work at it!!

thanks for all your advice girls.

i think i'm just lacking in confidence.

will take your advice on board.

I went through a patch where I didn't feel like having sex, and the one thing that prevented me from feeling relaxed and wanting sex again was the feeling of being under pressure to have sex! The pressure was entirely created by me as I felt I ought to be satisfying H2B. My H2B was an absolute angel, he suggested that every night we make time to kiss, cuddle, stroke but NO SEX - it was great as there was no pressure on me whatsover! In next to no time, all was back to normal...

I agree with other Wollies that it's easy to get into the habit of not having sex, and I also agree that TV is a bit culprit.

I love Chicken Licken's suggestion of one special night a week - might introduce that idea Chicken!!!

Stompy

Personally,planning sex is not for me but sometimes it works.We can all go through the stages of being so tired that you could'nt be bothered but really and truely its making the time for eachother which is the most important thing....Instead of going to bed at 11pm go at 10pm or have a romp in the morning before you go to work. Be sontanious(sp) and chill out with a few drinks and bonk on the sofa!I was never like this years ago but once you feel comfortable with yourself you will soon love it!

We all know its important in any relationship being intimate,we all get into habits and in order to break these habits and feel better we have to change a few things,try it I hope it works for you.
Take care and don't be so hard on yourself