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I'm a long time lurker here but have never really posted but I'm still hoping for some advice.

H2B was out of work for seven months - his company was restructuring and a lot of them were left sitting. That ment that my salary had to cover both of us once his saving had run out which happened about 3 months ago. We have seperate accounts as he wanted us to keep our independance and we split bills and rent as they come up.

You would think this would have made him watch money but oh no.


While out of work he got our NTL package upgraded and got broadband cause he was bored a home. He did this without even checking with me and it put added strain on finances. During this time he never missed a night out with the lads and spent as usual while I watched the numbers in the bank account go down and down.

In the past he has been great with money but this has really gone to the wall of late.

He went back to work three weeks ago and today was his first payday. I had been on at him to get his tax sorted and so on which he did not do. Now he has been taxed on the emergency rate and only got half of what he expected. The understanding was that he would put half into my account.

He just phone me there to say that since he got taxed so high and effectively lost half his salary he won't be putting any money into my account. I don't get paid until the 30th and he knows this - I have NO money left in the bank, I don't have a credit card I can use.

I got very upset on the phone and he started lecturing me about budgeting my money better. I'm in tears here. I have paid the rent and bills for the last six months all on my own. For the last two weeks I have barely had the money for the bus to work or lunch and he knows this. We have been together for 8 years and I have never seen this side of him.

I really do not know what to do - I'm flat broke and H2B now seems like a stranger to me.

That's awful- it's a horrible situation to be in. I would be raging too! I'm not surprised about the emergency tax thing. I would probably let that go as some people are useless at anticipating these things but I wouln't accept getting a lecture on handling my money better when you seem to have had all the financial pressure on you for the last few months. A serious talk is required but wait until you feel a bit calmer otherwise you'll just come across as nagging when you really are justified in standing up for yourself.

Often men cant see the wood for the trees IYKWIM and need it spelt out to them. This sounds like a classic case of selfishness - not to mention a VERY short memory.
Give him a good talking to tonight and throw a few home truths his direction, dont hold back on exercising his memory. And if I were you Id tell him to run the house on his slaary for a few months.

oh you poor dear.
Yes a few home truths are needed..
Was he not getting anything from the social welfare for the last 6 months ?

Since he is back in work tell him you are cancelling the NTL Broadband and upgrade package as you cannot afford to pay it and add to the fact that he is not bored any more as he is working.

Poor you Tayto therei s nothing worse then knowing you have no money in the bank. I have to agree with miss sixty sometimes men just need things to be explained to them. I wouldnt take that fromhim after 8 years.
Best of luck with it I hope it works out for the best

Tayto I really feel for you, that's pretty depressing.

I agree with the previous posters that the situation is unacceptable.

However I would advise you to tread carefully,simply because money is a total minefield and due to him being out of a job etc you will probably hit on all sorts of very touchy areas which could totally blow up in your face.

If you have a chat about it, keep it calm and reasonable and make time for it. Money issues are number 1 thing to break up a couple so don't underestimate this.

In the meantime, keep track of everything that you have paid for. Your fella can't be allowed to think that you can endure financial hardship but not him.

Not wanting to make this worse on you, but that is crap about the emergency tax.

The first couple of times you paid you get taxed at the normal rate and then it gets progressively worse ( as dufus here knows after getting4th pay in new job and still forgetting to send in P45)

Assuming you are in Ireland ( maybe you aren't) his first pay would be more or less what he would be expecting normally so if he is saying he only has half his money I think he is lying.

That's what I would have thought too - as its his account I have no way of knowing and have to take his word - and apparently that's not not worth much not.

I have canceled the NTL as of 20 mins ago and I have put a password on the broadband. I work shift work so the telly does not matter to me. He can have them back when he can pay for them.

Regardless of what he got paid he is going to have to give me some money to get me by till I get paid. If not he can move back to his mam's till he is prepared to be responsible.

Thanks everyone. Typing this out has really calmed me down. I just hate the feeling of having no money in my account - I have always had a fall back till now.

sounds like a plan tayto...

good on ye for cancelling the broadband,

and sending him off to his mams until he learn to be responsible is spot on!

hope everything works out ok for you


xx

Forget what I said about taking some time to calm down- good on you! Sounds like you are well able to work this one out yourself. I'm well impressed! You are so right to take control of this and not let someone take you for a fool. Good for you.

Good luck Tayto. what ever he got paid ,he needs to give you half and just live within his means ! you have been great keeping the 2 of ye above water but he needs to seriously cop on to himself. Good luck with it all

First of all, my heart goes out to you as this is a really difficult situation.

I agree with rady though, he needs to give half of what he has earned to help keep you above water and replenish your account again. If he insists on having seperate accounts to keep both your independant he should have sorted something else out when he was out of work besides you funding him if he wants to be like that now.

Dont get me wrong, if my h2b was out of work I would have no problem funding both of us but I would expect the same back from him were the rolls reversed. I do not feel it is fair that he should expect you to empty your account and then feel almost like you are in the wrong when expecting some money to live on as you have spent all your money on BOTH of you. Its not like you went out and bought 10 pairs of manolo blahniks for Gods sake you were paying the bills.

I don't think anyone should tell you anything bad about this man as his is your h2b and you obviously love him, but if you are prepared to marry him you should be sharing the good and bad times equally and that should mean that when the sea gets rocky, the one who's not sea sick should help the other out.

I wouldn't get too worked up with him as from the sounds of things you are upset enough already, but I wouldn't let him away with this either. I really wish you the best. Good Luck.

That is just sooo out of order!!!
I'd be FUMING. H2B and I have a joint account - he earns more than me but I spend more than him
He has NEVER questioned my spending and NEVER hesitated to give me money.
It's not his or my money it's OURS

You need to sit him down and let him know how much he's hurt you and also that he has to carry some of the responsibilities for you both - it can't be left to one person only.

Good luck!

I'm sorry but he needs a good kick up the arse! I know that's not very constructive advise Tayto and I do apologise but good god what a short memory he has! I think a serious reality check is long overdue here.

Even though you both have seperate accounts (myself and H2B don't have joint accounts either) you are still entitled to know what is going in and coming out of it and vice versa. I'm not saying go through each others bank statements with a fine tooth comb but for things such as bills, mortgage, etc the person responsible for paying them needs to know what the other has so a budget can be drawn up. I pay most of the bills, groceries, credit cards etc while h2b pays the mortgage, ins, vhi etc it balances itsself out but I still need to know what he has so I can work out a sensible budget and h2b admits he is crap with money so he lets me plough ahead with this.

Sit down and explain how upset you are with his carry on and as one poster advised I wouldn't hold back on the home truths either!