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The contract of marriage is governed by The Marriages (Ireland) Act 1844, Marriage Law (Ireland) Amendment Act 1963. If you break the conditions of the contract you sign on your wedding day you are commiting an offence under the above Acts. Committing adultery is a valid reason for disolution of a marriage on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. The contract does not specifically have to say that you cannot sleep with someone, it is one of the many examples of "unreasonable behaviour" that can be given as evidence for the disolution of a marriage due to breaching the terms of the contract.

No, Miss sixty, I don't expect everyone to agree with my point of view, which is why I posted it and asked for opinions. Perhaps because I'm far removed from the life my friend lives, and the fact that I have never met this guy, or his wife makes me feel the way I do about it all. I won't apologise for the way I feel about it - while I agreed with Yellowker, and really felt for her situation, I was simply asking for thoughts on the situation my friend is in. If anything, it was a different slant on the whole business of affairs. If I knew the other woman, or even the guy, I'm sure I'd feel much differently. But I don't. They are strangers to me. Hence I don't feel the same level of wrong about it all. I know morally it's wrong - but thats just how I feel.

I do not berate anyone in these situations - it's a horrible situation to be in - it is, as I have said, just the way I feel about this particular situation which bewildered me. I had adopted a different viewpoint to others close to me who knew about it - they all called my friend a slag, I didn't. I am sure that had I been in this situation myself at the receiving end, I'd be looking at this a whole lot differently.

I have never been confided in a relationship situation as complicated as this one - and maybe part of me wants my friend to be happy at the end of it? If she had started a relationship with people I knew who were married, then I guarantee I'd feel as Yellowker does. But I don't know them, hence, I am looking at it very coldly. I wish I could tell you that I feel for every woman who is wronged by a cheating man - but I don't. I only tend to get emotionally involved when it's people I know. Thats just the way I am.

Yes, my friend has had it rough lately - and I'd love for her to meet someone and fall in love and be happy. This way is obviously not going to help her too much, as either way she will be hurt, or she will cause hurt. I certainly did not mean that just beacuse my friend has had a rough deal in life, she is entitled to another womans husband, and I apologise if it came across, or you read it that way.

You say 'who cares how hard she's had it?'. Exactely! Why should you care? You don't know her. So do you now understand what I mean about not caring for this other woman, whom I don't know?

I never asked for everyone to agree with my point of view - I just put on the forum what was going on and want I thought and asked for opinions. Thats what forums are for? I'm not trying to back up anyone's character. I put the facts up - whether you believe them or not. As she is my friend, of course I'm going to be biased towards her feelings.

I think your posts are childish - and I wouldn't have responded only for that ridiculous comment you posted:

[quote="miss sixty"]

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Id watch her..........before you know it she will be on top of your man!!!!!!

However, I'm reading your current post in disbelief:

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It's normal to be married more than once.

Now your just taking the piss love! Are you married? Well I am and I can assure you I took my vows very seriously. "till death do us part" not til something better comes along or the going gets rough!!!!!

ARE YOU FOR REAL? People marry more than one you know??? My Dad has been married twice - my sister is getting married for the second time? Both of my h2b's parents are re-married. We all know it's meant to be for life and until death so us part, and for the lucky ones it is. What in god's name would I be taking the piss out of in this statement? Correct me if I'm wrong Miss sixty, but I'm reading this post and it appears you are telling me people only get married only once in their life. If so, you need to spend some time in the real world, where it's not all roses and butterflies.

I am getting married in a few weeks time, and I am taking my vows seriously. I take it from that statement that you are quite the expert on marriage and vows. I wish you the best. Just take a few minutes and open your mind a little and remember that life is not always black and white; and shit happens, and people die, and people have affairs, and for those reasons people then choose to remarry in the future. Unfortunately, some people can't take it when the going gets rough. You're obviously one of the lucky ones.

We've both said our bits miss sixty and lets agree that we really don't sing from the same hymn sheet on this one.

hubble, thank you for the advice. I hope I havn't offended you by admitting that my main sympathies are lying with my friend right now, and not the other woman. I am sorry that you went through such crap, but Im glad you are coming out the other side.

Emma

EmmaF that is the first post that I actually felt you are talking sense.

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Yes, my friend has had it rough lately - and I'd love for her to meet someone and fall in love and be happy. This way is obviously not going to help her too much, as either way she will be hurt, or she will cause hurt. I certainly did not mean that just beacuse my friend has had a rough deal in life, she is entitled to another womans husband, and I apologise if it came across, or you read it that way.

That is exactly how I read your feelings on it, however now I understand where you are coming from.

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Correct me if I'm wrong Miss sixty, but I'm reading this post and it appears you are telling me people only get married only once in their life.

I wil quote myself again to clear up that mis-understanding EmmaF

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That is not a judgement on anybody in 2nd or 3rd marraiges nor is it an attack on those who choose to leave the marraige. I am in strong support of those who are brave enough to leave a bad marraige and move on. My own family has divorce and 2nd marraiges here and there so its not something I dont have experience of.

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We've both said our bits miss sixty and lets agree that we really don't sing from the same hymn sheet on this one.

I too agree. We both seem to have picked up the wrong vibes from eachother.

Debate over! Best of luck with the wedding.

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Looks like we both misunderstood each other.

Thanks for the well wishes, and I'll try to control my angry fingers on the keyboard.

x x x

Me too! Hey a healthy debate never hurt anyone eh!

I too would like to leave this debate alone now because at the end of the day it isn't any of my business.

maryc i just want to clear a few things up with you.

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You are incorrect xmaslove-this does not apply in ireland. Divorces in ireland are on a "no blame" basis. The reasons for the marraige break up are irrelevant and no one is named on divorce papers.

I stand corrected on this one. If you see my post above yours you will see what I mean in regards to breaching of a contract.

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Anyway, have you ever heard of anyone being put in jail for having an affair?

I never said that anyone was put in jail for having an affair, sleeping with someone who was not their spouse etc., etc.

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Get off your moral high horse

I'm sorry you think I was on my high horse maryc, it wasn't intended to be that way. I was trying to type my posts as plainly as possible without getting involved in an arguement over people I don't even know. I hope you see that I wasn't on my moral high horse or soapbox. We all gave our opinions on the subject, it's only natural people have different idea's and feelings on certain situations, the world would be very dull if we were all the same.

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Emma F, I am doing great. It was the best decision I ever made coming home. It took a while to find my feet, but no regrets. my son is thriving, and has a wonderful relationship with his dad. I met someone two year ago and we recently decided to get married. Just wanted to wish your friend the best, but to take her time. Hopefully, it will work out for her. Totally understand you standing by her. Thats what friends are for. I mean my close friends were there for me at times when I felt I was going to leave but did nt. They never abandoned me over it. So its important to be there for her.

IMO the person who is married is the one who must take the blame in such affairs. How many men have you heard say "my wife doesn't understand me?" it doesn't necessarily mean it is true, and your friend should not believe what her I mean that other woman's husband tells her just to salve her conscience. I also believe that in this life you get back what you give, so in that case, heartache is around the corner for your friend, I believe if they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you.

[quote="NoHurry"] Marriage is defined as "the legal union of a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others". Therefore, a marraige contract relates to that exclusion of all others, and, technically an affair is therefore a breach of contrace law. However, this would be a civil matter, not a criminal one (?)Open to correction from any solicitors out there!
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I'm not a solicitor but my understanding is that unless sleeping with a third party is an actual clause in the contract it cannot be held to be a breach of the contract in criminal law. however breaching the 'intent' or 'spirit' of the contract (whihc sleeping with a third party would fall in to) would represent a civil wrong.

So, in the eyes of the law, adultery is not a criminal offence.

thanks nohurry, i'd love to able to ride a horse even . I stand corrected on this, it is probably a civil case not a criminal one. I type the way I speak without thinking it through first.