Hi Blushing Bride, I have already PM'd you so you know where I am coming from, I do understand your point of view but to me I would think this man feels a bit of an outcast. I go out for dinner with my BM and her family but then I am excluded from family get togethers, I only find out about them when I see the photos afterwards, I dont think they do it to hurt me but it does hurt.
I can also understand your brother writing to you before your parents had a chance to tell you - Personally I wouldnt do this but it took me 3 long LONG years to find my birth mother, then I had to wait 6 months for her to tell her son, I was stressed out for those few months, waiting and waiting, I had already waited 3 years to find my birth mother, it was so hard to wait even longer.
Anyway, sorry to hear your Grand dad is not well, Hope you have a great day!