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I totally agree with Annabel. This guy is your full brother, he has done nothing wrong, yet you talk about him like he is a criminal. Do you really believe he will turn up at the wedding and ruin it all for you? Do you think he is going to mount the altar and shame you all by announcing he is your full brother? What exactly are you worried about? Your grandfather is on the way out, if he is too sick to be told then he is too sick to know what is going on around him, and in effect he should have no bearing on how you treat your brother.

Shame on you to want to hide him away. I don't blame him for writing to you and your brother. Why were your parents faffing around? Why is no one trying to see it from his point of view?

Think about how devastating it must be to be rejected by your full sister and brother? I am guessing he grew up in a foster/adoption situation. He probably wondered all his life who his parents were and if he had any half brothers or sisters. Every human being craves to belong and have parents and family. And there you are wishing him away.

You obviously do not want to have any relationship with him so at least do the decent thing and tell him that before he wastes his time and money, bringing his partner and your niece/nephew, over to meet family who really don't want to know about him.

This is a tough call and I am wondering who you are trying to please with regards to inviting your brother ? Firslty meet your brother, he is after all your family and you have a nephew or niece you have never met. Once you have met your brother you can decide for YOURSELF if you would like him to attend your wedding. I am sure he will have ample of time to meet with family members before the wedding, if this is of course a concern of yours.

I hope, if you decide not to invite him he will be understanding and appreciate the position your are in. I also hope you do not regret any decisions you make.

Good luck and hope it all works out for you all.



L

Thanks a million for all your replies. Quick update... my brother and his family arrived at the weekend. We all got on really well. On Saturday night dp and i went out for dinner with them and i explained about the weddig. He said he understood and didn't seem too upset about it. He did ask whether it was my idea or my parents not to invite him. I said it was a bit of both. He also had a conversation with mum about it. Don't think that went too well, neither of them will tell me what was said! I would really like them to be there now I've met them but at the end of the day I have t put my parents feelings first and if they're going to be uncomfortable with it it's not really fair of me to invite them.

Skippy your post was a bit over the top i think. I didn't say I don't want to have a relationship with him and I'm not hiding him away, we met up with some of my friends and dps family Saturday night. I can totally see from his point of view that he wants to feel part of the family. As far as we're concerned he is part of the family. I tell people now I've got two brothers, my other brother says he's got a brother and a sis. My parents haven't quite got that far...I think they're still in shock that he got in touch!Also your point about my grandfather being "on the way out" was just a tiny bit insensitive.

A couple of people mentioned inviting him without telling anyone who he is. It had crossed my mind but he's the spitting image of one of mums brothers so her family would definitely have some questions!

Hi Blushing Bride, I have already PM'd you so you know where I am coming from, I do understand your point of view but to me I would think this man feels a bit of an outcast. I go out for dinner with my BM and her family but then I am excluded from family get togethers, I only find out about them when I see the photos afterwards, I dont think they do it to hurt me but it does hurt.
I can also understand your brother writing to you before your parents had a chance to tell you - Personally I wouldnt do this but it took me 3 long LONG years to find my birth mother, then I had to wait 6 months for her to tell her son, I was stressed out for those few months, waiting and waiting, I had already waited 3 years to find my birth mother, it was so hard to wait even longer.
Anyway, sorry to hear your Grand dad is not well, Hope you have a great day!

I am delighted to read you got on very well with your brother and his family. I have to say i feel rather sorry for your new brother and of course you have been put in a rather awkard situation as well. However if you had been brought up with your brother, and say your parents did not get on with him, you would still invite him to the weding ..right?

Anyway i hope none of this ruins your special day. I understand that this must be difficult for your parents, perhaps guilt, i dont know ,but remember family is so important and just let him know that you do want to have a relationship. However your parents feel about your brother should not stop you from building a PROPER relationship with him.

I feel sorry for your brother, Imagine if you had been given up for adoption, found out that your parents had actually married and then when you meet them they do not treat you as their own!

My BM treats me as her daughter but at the same time would never ever interfere with my life or upset my Mam and Dad.

I have a half brother, my birth mother married after having me and had a son, there is no way I wouldnt invite him to our wedding. He is my brother.

You have to understand that this guy grew up knowing he was adopted, he probably dreamt about his birth parents/family all his life and now he has met you all. I have to say I would be extremely hurt if I was not invited to a family wedding and I would not dream of leaving my birth mother out of our wedding plans.

one last thing..... big deal if your brother wrote to you and introduced himself before your parents had a chance to tell you. Maybe he felt they may never tell you and wanted to give you the oppourtunity to decide if you wanted to have a relationship or not.

I have a feeling that perhaps your parents are not being fully honest with their feelings and i am trying to understand why they are not jumping up and down in celebration that their first born wants to have a relationship with the whole family.