Hi Guys,
Sorry but this could be a bit of a long one! Need to give ye some background first. Basically, I have been living with my BF for the last 2 years and he is amazing. I know he is the one. He spoils me rotten, is really romantic, kind and everything you could possibly
want in a guy. I came home from work last week to find our house SHINING and he told me that he had hired a cleaner to come regularly to clean the place so I would have more free time.
Just trying to give you a bit of a picture of the type of guy he is
Anyways, I basically moved across the world to be with him and it was a brilliant decision. I'm very outgoing and I have made a lot of friends over here - we have a really busy social life and he loves it (or well, I thought he did). I was out for dinner on Tuesday night with one of my girlfriends and he texted me when I was on my way home. I told him I'd be home in 10 minutes. So, when I arrived back to the house I was all excited to catch up with him and next thing he comes down stairs, his face was snow
white and he said 'we have to talk'. I can't tell you the horror that ripped through me, I have never seen him so angry in all the years I have known him (have known him around 6 years). So, he pulls out this envelope and it has my name on the front of it. It was unopened by I could see by the postmark that it was from his sister who also lives abroad.
To cut a long story short, he basically tore absaloute strips of me, telling me that his family was 'his security' and that he hadn't seen his sister in 3 years and here she was sending me post before she would send it to him and it just went on and on and on. I was horrified - I didn't even know what she had sent. I NEVER contact any of his family unless it is to say thank you for a card or something and I always run it by him first. I was totally like WTF???? I opened the parcel and she had sent a thank you card (addressed to BOTH of us) and some pics of their new baby (we had sent over some clothes as a present for him). We have spent the last two days (with me basically bawling crying constantly) fighting over
this. His point of view is that I 'have taken over everything' and basically he doesn't want me to 'take over his family'. He also said 'everyone loves you, you are the most popularperson I know' WTF??????????? We are popular enough I suppose AS A COUPLE so I really don't know
what he is going on about. I would have thought that he was delighted that his family see me as part of his life. I would only ever maybe send gifts to his family (for new babies etc.) with his complete input and agreement and have NEVER contacted them outside of that. I am so
hurt at the 'taking over everything' comment too - while I know thats right to an extent (I have taken over the running of the house and probably most of the wardrobe he has always told me how much he loves this. I plan our weekends and this too seems to be an issue with
him now even though I would always be quite happy to go along with whatever plans he suggests. I guess I do always want to call what we do and I do like things my way. But I am willing to try to improve it???
I think he feels 'its all about me' and I hate that feeling. Then he tells me that he doesn't want me to change at all when we are all teary and upset. Then I say 'maybe this isn't working' and then he says 'maybe it isn't' when I am crying like a madwoman, and then we fall into each
others arms
We've 'made up' but I'm still really hurt - I'm supposed to be meeting his parents for the first time at Christmas and now I just don't know how to handle it. I asked him if he still thought that was a good idea and he said he did. Is anybody else confused??? I really don't know whats going on with him - there are probably a few things though - He is wrecked tired (we both are) - we are working all the hours god sends and haven't had
a holiday yet this year (going back to Ireland in a few weeks) and it will be our first break yet this year. He is 3 years younger than me and I have had serious boyfriends that I have lived with before but he has never lived with another girl before or had someone as serious as me. Also, we are both out here on our own and we do rely on each other - our
families are so far away too I think it puts a bit more pressure on the relationship.
Ah, I just dunno. The way we have 'left it' is that its all sorted and we're friends again but I feel a little bit of a distance between us now and am a bit down in the dumps. I guess the holiday home will help because I'll be spending time with my family while he will be spending time with his across the other side of the country.
Girls, I really really love him to bits, he makes me so happy and I know
from the other relationships I've been in that what we have is really special. I don't know why I'm writing this, and I don't know what I want to hear from you guys. I just want it all to be fixed and back to the way we were. What should I do??? Please don't tell me to talk to him some
more about it because we've talked for the last two days and are both so upset over everything I just don't think I have the energy to bring it all up again. I'm afraid that he will just get sick of me.
Thanks for reading
X