Cheating

Mrs2014 · by **Mrs2014** » Wed Apr 18, 2022 1:46 pm

I'm really sorry you're in this situation. It's easy for us to say just leave him, but if you love him and obviously with the wedding it's a huge deal to make that decision. But whatever you do, please make sure it's an educated decision. If he's done this twice, he will do it again and again and again. It might the the odd time now, but when things get tough (men are most at risk of cheating when their wife has just had a new baby) he will do it more, and he won't be there for you. He may well leave you for one of these affairs in the end.

Make the decision yourself, but just know what you're getting yourself into. I don't know you, but you probably deserve better! If you really insist on staying with him, get some couples therapy at least.. may help him to realise where his priorities lie

sept2012bride · by **sept2012bride** » Wed Apr 18, 2022 2:00 pm

it should not be a case of everyone is excited about the wedding. It was your decision to say yes to marrying him so it should be your decisiion whether or not the wedding should go ahead.

IMHO you have already given him his chance and he couldnt even keep his word before the wedding even happend. i would get well away from that situation. A previous poster is right. It will only get worse over time. My OH dad did this, and it almost destroyed his family.
Imagine having to explain to your kids down the line why daddy and mammy are fighting all the time etc...

by **Alli1** » Wed Apr 18, 2022 11:01 pm

I dont know wat to do

I just dont

Mrs2babridesoon · by **Mrs2babridesoon** » Thu Apr 19, 2022 11:52 am

I truly feel for you, you have been here before thou, its such a horrendous situation, you need support and space and time. Defo tell some one you trust don't carry this alone.

Cats1 · by **Cats1** » Thu Apr 19, 2022 12:47 pm

I've been on the end of cheating, not my DH but a previous relationship, we were together for 7 years, and I believed it was for ever. The first time he cheated he begged forgiveness (said if we broke up he would do something stupid)... the second time he cheated he blamed drink... then the list went on (and the cheating).... in the end I managed to leave but was a shell of the person I had been. The thing is I loved him too. I Loved him so much but I loved me more and I asked myself would I ever cheat on anybody I truely loved and I knew I wouldn't so then I turned it on it's head and said how can he truely love me if he is with other people?
It took years to get over him and get my self confidence back, but I'm now married to an amazing man and it would never cross my mind that he would cheat, I trust him completely and love him absolutely.

You are the only one who can decide what you want but I think you need space, and he needs to realise what he has done to you. Take a break by yourself, if you live together ask him to move out or go away for a couple of days, try and get some space so you can think of things clearly. He has to do what ever you want him to, to get this realationship back on track (if that's what you want). If it means councilling... he needs to accept it. If it means him moving out, or no contact for a week or two so you can get your head in order... he needs to accept it. If it means putting off the wedding for a bit... he needs to accept it. He shold be doing everything possible to prove to you that you are what he wants.

But you are the only one, like I said before, who can make this decision...good luck, I know how much you're hurting at the moment so I'm sending hugs... Take a break, try and get some space, if you think you can trust him again then best of luck, forgiving is hard but I do think sometimes it can be done, but if not then walk away, hold your head up high, don't worry about anybody else except yourself. You get one life, you decide how you want to live it...don't let anybody make that decsion for you.

That's my tupence worth, I hope it helped a little!

Ellefun · by **Ellefun** » Thu Apr 19, 2022 1:43 pm

Cheating is a huge offense, imo. The fact you saw it in your heart to forgive him once and that he then disregarded you and your feelings and cheated again says it all. If I were you I couldn't go ahead with the wedding as the marriage would be a farce. This shouldn't be about saving face with anyone. He is the lying cheating scumbag. Don't waste anymore time on this guy.

by **kittysue** » Fri Apr 20, 2022 11:25 am

Believe it or not....it'll be easier to go now than when you're married.

When you're married it'll take longer to get away from him completely i.e. separation, divorce....all that legal jargon......not that I'm saying your marriage won't last....no-body really knows......but as someone has already pointed out.....you've given him his chance after the 1st time her cheated.

lovebnmrsg · by **lovebnmrsg** » Sat Apr 21, 2022 4:34 pm

I'm sorry op I dont think you should continue with the wedding. I have a friend who was told a year before her wedding that she was bring cheated on. Had been for 8 years of their relationship. He told her he'd never do it again etc etc. So they went agea with the wedding, him still cheating in the year lead up to the wedding, even on his stag. Fast forward to the wedding weekend when he disappeared the day after the wedding-meeting another woman. Met her the day they cane back from honeymoon too. Eventually got caught out and now she's in a lot worse position than if she broke up with him before the wedding, or even just postponed it. Hope you're ok x

Mrs2014 · by **Mrs2014** » Sat Apr 21, 2022 11:10 pm

Yes it should be as easy as "He's cheating, cancel the wedding", but it's not that simple, so maybe there are practical ways to make it easier on you.

Like you're obviously worried about the whole cancelling the wedding thing.. Maybe you could postpone it first (well tell people you're postponing it) and then when things settle in a few months you can break the news that you're no longer getting married.. Or just don't tell people you don't have to, let the news trickle down as it does. Remember it will be a huge deal and big gossip for a while, but people forget about these things pretty soon, while you might be saving yourself a lifetime of unhappiness.

by **mammatweet** » Sun Apr 22, 2022 8:04 am

sorry to hear you've been treated so badly. I think you posted here to be told its ok to leave him because that's all you could expect. you didn't mention how much you love him in the original post because I think you want to say this isn't ok. wedding guests and family will not thank you if you put your happiness forever after the priority of one day out for them.
good luck in your decision, you have time to make the decision that's right for you.
best wishes for your happy future with or without this oh.

McLisa · by **McLisa** » Sun Apr 22, 2022 5:07 pm

i'm so sorry you are going through this, i have been there myself and it is just the worst feeling ever! I was with my ex for 8 years, had house dog, happy (i thought so) life until i find out he was seeing a girl he worked with. He was working away from home at time, facing redunancy, it was taking its toll on us etc and obviously this fun interesting girl comes along.

I was truely madly deeply in love with this man, thought he was best thing since sliced bread and i knew nothing else but he moved out and swore it was over with her and started to try and worm his way back to me, i have to admit i was wavering, thought we could have made a go of it so invited him round for dinner only to find texts from same girl on his phone dated that morning thanking him for wonderful night so that was it, didnt want anything else to do with him. It was the hardest thing i have ever ever done, i was a shell of my self, lost so much weight but you have to give yourself that time to grieve and wallow and then you pick yourself up and start rebuilding your life for you.

Few months on i met my husband to be and we were engaged a year later and marrying in 4 months. I'm so glad now that i had to go through that pain because what was waiting for me was so much better. Some times bad things have to happen but do it for you. Your friends and family love you and would never want to think that you went through with the wedding in order to put a day on for them. If it was my sister or friend her happiness and sanity would be paramount for me, i wouldnt care less if the wedding was cancelled!

good luck with whatever you chose but i wish you all the happiness and best of luck, you may have dark times ahead but you will be a better stronger person

by **blisschick** » Thu Apr 26, 2022 11:13 am

Been there done that. Except he cheated on 2 of us at the same time...I was the other woman...except I didn't know he was living with an other woman...they were as good as married, had a home and a child together. When confronted he lied and lied and lied. We were smart enough women to have met up and got our stories from each other first. A liar and a cheat, will always lie and cheat. You are heartbroken naturally, but here's the toughie...are you happy to know that for the rest of your life....it's most likely that the man you swore you would love forever is a liar and a cheat. If you do stay with him....remember regret is forever

brideorbridezilla · by **brideorbridezilla** » Wed May 09, 2022 10:51 am

Sounds like you are very much caught up in the wedding more than the relationship. everyone might be excited about the wedding but would you not be better off dumping him and waiting for a far better man to marry. Your scared now but honestly in the long run you will be far better off. Sounds like you are in for a life of heartache with him, so not worth it. Think of five years down the line when you have kids and you find out again and again and again. Think of the destruction that will cause to the children i.e. mum and dad fighting all the time then breaking up, plus worst case senario he got someone pregnant.

I know this is very dramatic but honestly you seem to be caught up in the wedding and not thinking straight. Once you can forgive, twice you can't.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

Luka · by **Luka** » Fri May 11, 2022 5:58 pm

Alli1 wrote:I dont know wat to do

I just dont

I will probably be crucified for saying this, but if were me, the first thing I would do is cheat on him. May sound mad but in my head it would help me get even. See how he likes THAT now!

At the end of the day you have to follow your heart, if you want to marry him, then do, But I believe in equality, & if he thinks cheating is ok, then it should be fine for you too. I know if my DH ever did this to me, I would do it back. May not solve anything but I know I would do it to hurt him the same. & it WOULD make me feel better.

Mrs2babridesoon · by **Mrs2babridesoon** » Sat May 12, 2022 11:45 am

Luka wrote:
Alli1 wrote:I dont know wat to do

I just dont

I will probably be crucified for saying this, but if were me, the first thing I would do is cheat on him. May sound mad but in my head it would help me get even. See how he likes THAT now!

At the end of the day you have to follow your heart, if you want to marry him, then do, But I believe in equality, & if he thinks cheating is ok, then it should be fine for you too. I know if my DH ever did this to me, I would do it back. May not solve anything but I know I would do it to hurt him the same. & it WOULD make me feel better.

You wont be crucified by me :o0

but I swear to God the thoughts of kissing another guy in reality (excluding day dreams :-8

) would make me sick, I personally couldn't do it, never mind any thing else. I know this may sound weird but I love my hubby so much I could never inflict pain on him even if he ever did it to me. I would think I would just leave but you just don't know till your in those shoes, Please God I never will be.

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