So you were out together as a couple and he was exchanging naked photos with a girl from work. Somehow this is your fault and you let this happen. ????

My advice to you is stop blaming this girl for what he is doing, its his fault. Regardless of what she has said or done, he is your partner, end of story. Go home, get back to your family and friends and re-build your life. Work out your finances later.

Good luck

How is this your fault? He let this happen not you or her….you need to stop blaming yourself for this

He sees her everyday at work with clothes on….i hope
He has now seen her without clothes off…we now know this to be fact………Whats's stopping him from going further if he has not done so already?
He's already cheated by even replying to it….that's my opinion anyway.

This girl is making it too easy for him and she knows it but he's letting this happen. You are going away for a week at work I'm sorry but this is going to wreck your head even more now but does she know you're going to be away?? Hmm???

You need to pull yourself together, another poster said something along the lines of not letting our partners define us and that's what he's doing. He's making you paranoid and you are now blaming yourself for this, somehow you think you are maknig this happen. You need to confront him on this It's the only way you are going to get through this stop finidng excuses not too. He has a lot to answer for

I really wish you well and hope you sort this out

if this is true!!

then just leave him!!

OMG, the pics she sent him

I know a girl who married a foreign guy and ended up moving to his country a few years later. A few yrs after that, it ended as he had an affair with a girl he worked with. She never really adjusted to living there and he failed to notice her need to go home even tho he had promised they would one day. They are now divorced as far as I know.

You should never ever have to give you on so much for one person only for him to turn around and get pics of some chic's vaggie. Like hello....

you need to lay it on the line for him. Don't be afraid to be on your own, better than being with someone who treats you like a doormat

I'm with the others on this- if all that you are saying is true you need to leave him and start rebuilding your life for you (not him)

Do you mind me asking has he always lived away or did he move first and you follow? How did you guys meet?

The loan situation sounds nasty and if you can work up the strenght to leave him I would get the loan sorted with him before mentioning you are going to leave.

I have to agree with other posters - ur OH has nake photos of a work colleague and tells her she looks hot and you think thats ok? and this girl thinks this is ok? I certainly have never sent any nude pics of myself to anyone especially not a colleague in a long term relationship!! As for his mates, they have his back not yours!

You have to ask yourself
A - would you rather be happy and alone or miserable and with a cheater who's out doing god only know's what - Have some respect for yourself if he is cheating on you, it wont be the last time he does it either.
B - Why cant you go home, plenty of people are unemployed in this country and you said yoruself, your not on good wages anyways, surely you could find something to keep you going at home?

Lastly your family probably only worry because your not happy and all the talk in the world wont hide that look on your face.

Best of luck.. be brave. If it were me i'd take the single life anyday, life is tough enough without an a$$hole in ur life

Thanks for all the support it really means a lot to me.

I have given too much to him and gotten nothing in return, I know I need to leave but its hard, I thought this was forever. I am going to take to him about the loan first and try and get something in writing if i can.

When we first got together we were in teh same country and then he had to leave because there was no work and about 6 months after he left he begged me to come over (honestly it wasn't me asking to go over to him, it was him asking again and again and again) so by the time I sorted everything out back home it was another 6 months and now I've been here a year. I don't mind living here it's ok, but its not home. He said it would be for a max of 5 years and then we'd go home with loads of money. We havent saved one penny at all.

I'd rather be happy than living a miserable life and right now I am miserable. Deep down I know what I have to do but I don't want to say it out loud if that makes sense. We have his son staying with us at the minute and I don't want to mess his holiday up as he doesnt see his dad that often and then I've got my work thing but I will speak to him wehn I get back from it. I have to, I can't go on like this forever.

Why do i always meet the a$$holes? What am I doing wrong? I really thought he was different.

Aww hun, don't be thinking you did wrong, you did nothing wrong, he did, he is 100% to blame for this. I know exactly what you mean when you say "Deep down I know what I have to do but I don't want to say it out loud if that makes sense" it's because you don't want to believe it's true and you are not ready to admit it to yourself out loud.
A lot of women out there including myself have come across men and we thought they were "the one" and then they go and act like complete a$$holes and because their behaviour is so strange we start to believe somehow we caused it and we question what we did wrong…like did I put on weight?? Do I nag too much? Etc etc but most of the time it's them and them alone
I can understand that you don't want to ruin his sons holiday by bringing this up now but this is eating you up inside and now with you being away with work for a week it's going to be on your mind constantly. Would you not talk to your partner the day before you go and have it out with him …calmly if you can and just say look we will be apart for a week, take this time to think about what you really want and when you return sit down and talk about it……just remind him that you are not ross and rachel and the whole "we were on a break thing"…..
How are things with you day to day, do you talk? Laugh at each others jokes? Are you any wat effectionate towards each other I don't mean s*x I mean like higs and cuddles on the sofa watching TV or are you both completley distant from each other now?

I might have missed this but have you sat down and asked him about the messages etc on his phone ?

I havent read all the replies but why have you not left him? If someone sent a pick of her vjayjay to my DH and he had replied saying she looked amazing then I would be out of there pronto. Especially as you have moved countries to be with him. You say you cannot come home but can you not just leave him and set up home yourself somewhere else within the country. How do you know there are no jobs here in Ireland for you, have you checked this out? If I was you I would be on all agencies books. Honestly I dont know how you are staying in a relationship where you dont have sex but he is sending flirty texts to another girl. I also cant understand why another girl would send a pic like that to a work colleague. Who does that?

just read through all the posts and i am just wondering how you got on over the last few weeks? did you talk to him yet?
Hope you are ok, let us know How you are !

long time lurker.. any update for us?

I just want to say again thanks so much for all the replies from everyone. You were all really lovely to me at a time when I was really alone.

And also sorry it's taken me so long to reply, I tried to log in a couple of weeks ago but was having problems with it also things have been a bit hectic with me lately.

This might be a long one so if you get bored and stop reading I understand.

Basically I didn't talk to him before I left for my work training, his son was around and I didn't want to do it with him there and I didn't want to do it over the phone while I was away and I wanted to see his reaction when I brought it up. So I went on my training and I came back the night before I was meant to. I came home early to see if she would be there when I wasn't around. He was at home with a few of the lads drinking (not drunk or anything and not a party). She was nowhere to be seen. He seemed really happy that I came home and basically told the lads to go that he'd missed me and wanted to spend the rest of the night with me. I left it a few hours and then told him that I knew that she was still ringing and texting him (I was bluffing on the ringing though) and he denied it. I told him I'd gone through his phone and seen the pics that she had sent him and also his reply to her. His face went white and then it all came out. He told me that the night she sent the pics we were all out in a group at the local nightclub (which we were), that he showed a few of the lads the texts she'd sent him and they egged him on to ask her to send pics - which she did. He said with the lads there he was having a laugh doing it and the lads egged him on to reply to them and he replied to the last one saying You look amazing xxx. He said he only did it coz he was with the lads and some of them know what shes like. I told him I didn't believe him. That he was lying and basically I picked up my bag and left him. I went to a hotel near where we live and stayed there for a while. I turned my phone off and wouldn't open any emails he sent me. I left the phone off for 2 days which was so so hard and when I turned it back on there were loads of messages & texts from him and also the wife of his manager (he's good friends with his manager and would go drinking with him and I know her through going out this way). She asked me to contact her and I did before I contacted him. She told me that My Guy had told her and her husband what had happened. That he had told his manager (her husband) about her ringing/texting him for the last couple of years and that he'd now had enough of it as I had left him because of her. The wife told me that her husband took what was said very seriously and he had a word with her manager (I'm sorry if this is confusing everyone) and well basically she has now been told (informally) to quit all contact with him and official action would be taken if she continued the way she was going. Her manager has also moved her to another office, so she doesn't see My Guy at all now. Most of the company now know what's been going on with her and some of the lads from that night out have the pics on their phones but she doesn't seem to care. If one good thing has come out of this is that his friends no longer thinks I'm the bunnyboiler girlfriend.

I got in contact with My Guy and he asked me to come home to talk, which I did (I didn't bring my clothes back with me though and this shocked him) we talked for hours and I mean hours and he apologised over and over again saying he'd never have replied to her if he'd known that all this would happen, that it was supposed to be a laugh with the lads. That they were basically taking the p*ss out of her. He keeps saying nothing is happening with her and that nothing ever did. He's even gone as far as getting me his mobile phone bills (it's a work phone so the bill doesn't come to our home) for the last year and said he could get the rest if I wanted them. There are a few texts and calls to her number (about 2/3 a month), but they are during working hours (there would be some projects that they would be working on), there were no calls/texts to her number any evening except that night when she sent the pictures to him. Oh and another thing her phone records have been looked at for the last year (by My Guy's manager & her manager) and she's also been texting another married man in work (we're not supposed to know that information though).

So we're now taking it very very slowly, it took about a week for me to come back home and even then I stayed in the spare room. This whole thing has really shaken me but it's also made me open my eyes a lot more. I depend on My Guy far too much and I've decided to do something about it. I asked if he'd sign a legal document in relation to the loan I took out for him and he has agreed to this. I have also asked work for a pay rise and I got a very very small one, but its a start. I've also asked them for extra responsibility (which will help in relation to getting a promotion) and they said they would look into it, that I'm not there long enough yet but they have started to give me small things to do and I'm actually enjoying it. I'm also looking for jobs which are better paid but I haven't had much luck with that yet. I've also gotten a bike and have started cycling around our neighbourhood in the evening, my weight has been getting to me so I'm actually doing something about it. (plus the fact that she is a size 8 and really pretty kinda pushed me to do this).

I've also heard that she isn't going to give up, that she wants My Guy and is willing to do anything to get him. At this stage I don't know what to do about her. She has literally driven me mad. I'm trying to ignore her but its so so hard. I never thought women like that existed. There are some more bits and pieces but this is a novel as it is and honestly if I wrote them some of the things shes done since it's come out you wouldn't believe me.

I'm sorry it was so long and again I just want to say to everyone thanks so much for all the replies, you were all so nice to me when I needed it.

WOW, first of all I'm delighted that he wasn't having an affair with her, she sounds like a dirty skank TBH! Fair play to you for standing up for yourself and for leaving your phone off for 2 days. And fair play to your guy for reporting it at work too.

As for her continuing to pursue your man, can you get the guards involved maybe, maybe get a barring order against her? My ex "stalked" me for a while after I broke up with him, changed my mobile number but he kept ringing my parents house phone at all hours even though I didn't live there! Was so close to going to the cops but this girl could destroy your relationship with your guy so maybe it would be worth keeping this in mind.

He should have told you about this though so I hope that he has promised to tell you everything from now on no matter how trivial it may seem to him.

Also, on the subject of s e x, I think it might be a good idea to tell him that fair enough if he doesn't feel like doing it more than once a week, then he needs to make you feel special and wanted in other ways, such as thoughtful surprises, telling you that you are gorgeous and sexy all the time, etc......

And BTW I'm sure most of us would believe you if you told us what she has been doing, there are crazy people out there!!

Cats1 wrote:Hi there,

You poor thing, i can only imagine...(but i really don't want to)... what you are going through and how you are feeling. Try (and I know it's difficult) to read back over what you've written and imagine what you would do or say if this was something you were reading...

To be honest I don't think it really matters that he says there is nothing going on with the other woman.... there clearly is.... they may not have slept with each other or done anything physical with each other, but be honest with yourself, she is sending photo's which really shouldn't be sent, to your boyfriends phone and he is responding.... so there is something going on...

I think you need to broach the matter with him... tell him you've seen the pictures... ok you shouldn't have been going through his phone... but in the grand scheme of things it seems justified...you obviously suspected suspected something to look at his phone...Tell him what you found...and ask for an explanation.

In respects to the other girl, I think you need to meet her and tell her to stop, ask her what she is doing... I think threaten her with the photo is some way...ask her if she's so free in showing herself to your boyfriend then she surely wouldn't mind if the whole office saw her as well!!!

I'm not sure if anything I've said helps...but you can not ignore what's going on, you have to do something or it will completely eat you up and start to destroy you...
Be strong and look after yourself....you deserve to have your questions answered and if he does love you, as you say he does, he will be desperate to sort it out...

Thinking of you

Cats

+1
I think that you have go talk to him or walk away. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. You just need to get the respect from him that you deserve & clearly if he's in touch with someone who sends pics like that, yo're not getting respect.
Summon up your strength girl & confront him & get on with YOUR life.
I hope you use the advice the other WOLs give you and make the right decisions.