Trouble in paradise...

by **elizabeth101** » Fri Dec 23, 2021 12:20 am

Hi there,

I had to go anon for this for obvious reasons. Please help - I've been married to my husband for just over 3 months and it seems like everything has gone downhill since then. We just seem to be arguing non-stop recently and I don't know where the love has gone. I'm so upset by all of this. We just came home from a lovely day and meal which ended in yet another massive blow-up. In rows, he says that I haven't been happy since the day we got married and I find that so incredibly hurtful. He seems to get so angry, I don't know why. He flew off the handle tonight because his sister was talking to me about having children and about how we shouldn't waste time etc - she's being kind because she's a good bit older and herself and friends are having trouble conceiving due to age. I'm not that old and reckon we have plenty of time, but I said it to my husband in a joking way and he went absolutely ballistic. He says we have to wait until at least another year and I agree with him as I am also not ready right now. Please don't think Im the sort of person to put pressure on a guy to have kids, Im genuinely not. And I certainly wouldn't want them when we can't even resolve an argument.

Right now, it feels like we are not on the same page at all. This was meant to be the best first Christmas ever and tbh, it's turning out to be the worst. We are both quite stressed in work atm and I said to him that it could be a factor but he just seems to have this wall up that I can't get through. I thought after we got married, we would be happy out and looking forward to life together, but so much for 'honeymoon bliss'. We've been together about 7/8 years altogether so not like it's a new relationship. It makes me so sad to see other couples having a great time together and we can't seem to connect.

Did anyone else go through this in the early stages of their marriage?? How can this be when we just finished sending the thank you cards??

All I can feel is hurt and rejection from him and he seems to be the same, except angry. How can I fix this and get things back to the way the were?

Any advice at all would be really appreciated,

xxx :o(

by **dita** » Fri Dec 23, 2021 10:10 am

I'm sorry I'm not sure what to say ..if it was me I'd write everything down about how your feeling ..men understand thing better when they read it then when a person says it....and then see how he reacts to this....

Also did ye have problems before ye got married..I get a feeling from you post that there were arguments before hand

Mari yay · by **Mari yay** » Fri Dec 23, 2021 10:10 am

Oh you poor thing, I couldn't not reply even though I have no advice for you. Have you tried to find out what is wrong with your husband? How are the arguments starting?
I really hope you get this sorted soon, sounds like you are really suffering my heart goes out to you.

babydust2012 · by **babydust2012** » Fri Dec 23, 2021 10:20 am

Gosh couldn't read and not reply, I feel so sorry for you. We have been married 7 months and to be honest its been just as great as usual although in saying that I've been fairly stressed out about TTC and thats brought a few ugly arguements to the forefront but nothing that would make either of us feel really down about things.

You and hubby need to sit down and talk openly and freely about things (not talk when theres an arguement) he seems to think you are unhappy since you got married? Is there any truth in that? Have things changed for you?

Just talk talk talk hun, this is most likely the "come down" from all the excitement of the wedding. If you can afford it I would suggest a few days away from everyday life and having a good heart to heart

by **bailey01** » Fri Dec 23, 2021 10:30 am

hey girl, ya i can relate, we are married four months and it seems like we are fighting since coming home from honeymoon, it was getting so stressful i thought i was going to walk away at one stage, then we had a massive massive agrument, things were said, tears were shed, he even packed stuff, i even confided in a friend about it and asked another friend who got married around the same time was she finding it hard, she said they were fighting all the time also and we put it down to a settling period or something, after we had the fight we sat down and talked about everything and went out for dinner and things have been fine since. they do say the first year of marraige is the hardest, they must say that for a reason :hic

by **mcheeks** » Fri Dec 30, 2021 5:23 pm

Hi trouble in paradise,
I totally unstained you, we were together 6 years and things seemed just fine, We returned from a month long honeymoon and since then things have gone downhill, yes we still love each other but some thing seems to be wrong and we can’t get back on track, I don’t reply to many forms but your story is just like ours, we will be two years married soon, and it been hard at times, I find myself worrying we won’t make it, there seems to be more down days then up days, anyway enough about me, You need to go to counselling we did to save our marriage, Otherwise I think things could get worse, yes it has helped us, I still feel we need to work more at our marriage, yes it true that a marriage needs to be worked at all the time, sometimes I feel there will be nothing left of me if we keep picking at each other, As I sit hear writing this I don’t fell happy I fell num, every day is different, All I can say is you are not alone and seeing other couples so happy is hard but remember they might be having hard time to. I sure like me you feel lonely even dough I have lots of friends I feel disappointed that my fairy tale wedding is not as good as it looks from the out side

by **mcheeks** » Fri Dec 30, 2021 5:25 pm

http://www.youtube.com/artist/Johnny_Ca ... ideo_title

by **missundecided** » Wed Jan 11, 2022 11:36 am

Hi there!

I've PM'd you :wv

Lindy79 · by **Lindy79** » Wed Jan 11, 2022 1:42 pm

Could some of the pressure be financial after the wedding?
The reason I ask is my cousin got married last July and they borrowed/used credit cards for the wedding and we all knew it would backfire but in the run up I suppose you don't think about that and you're on a high but once the day has happened and all the bills start coming in, it can hit you and thats where the fighting can occur?

by **elizabeth101** » Mon Feb 27, 2022 1:58 pm

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me. I really appreciate it and it was so lovely to see your kind messages of concern.

Myself and husband did have a big chat about everything around Christmas and it seems that he was freaking out about the baby thing and thought that I was putting huge pressure on him after we had only just got married. I cleared this up with him and we had a proper chat about when we would like to start 'trying' etc. And so things the past few months improved significantly and we have been very happy.

So all should be well, right? But now unfortunately, it isn't. I feel absolutely horrendous but I have done something completely unfair and out of line on my husband. I feel completely sick and haven't slept a wink or ate a bit since it happened. Basically, I was out with work colleagues a few days ago and got polatically drunk. No dinner and straight to hard drinks is never a good idea. Anyway, long story short, I got talking to a male colleague for ages about life and work and everything, and at the early hours of the morning, I leaned over and kissed him for a few seconds. :o(

We both pulled away and apologised profusely before I got into a cab home.

And now I am wracked with guilt and shame. Believe me, you don't need to tell me that I was in the wrong - I know that. I had been working so hard to make things good and they WERE good - so why did I have to try to sabotage everything by acting so completely and utterly messed up? I feel like crying my eyes out and just want to get away from myself. I would never want to hurt my husband in any way and I want more than anything for us to be a happy couple, with everything to look forward to. So what the f*** am I playing at? I'm so angry and sick and sad.

I don't know what I hope to achieve by posting here but I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest. My husband doesn't know anything is wrong so I'm trying to put a normal, happy face on and it's killing me. Why would I try to ruin everything that we've worked so hard at?

I wonder has anyone been in a similar position or have any words of advice at all? I don't know how I have ended up in this place at all. :o(

by **popsi** » Mon Feb 27, 2022 5:35 pm

Hi Elizabeth101,

All I can say is that your own guilt and shame its probably punishment enough for what seems like a drunken mistake. If you're honest about making it work with your OH, and you can honestly say there is no attraction with this guy from work and it will not happen again then keep it to yourself and move on. You cannot begin to imagine the pain hurt and long term trust issues this would cause for your other half. Live with it deal with it and cop on to what you have.

woolly · by **woolly** » Thu Mar 01, 2022 10:03 am

Elizabeth101 it sounds to me as if your head is all over the place. I don't know how your husband hasn't noticed you almost crying around the house for days but that's no way to be living your life. Would you think about going to talk to someone about how you're feeling? I don't think that we accidentally kiss people when drunk, i think there are loads of reasons behind actions like that BUT to feel how you're feeling now is just horrible and please talk to someone outside your marriage who can help you to feel better x

by **mcheeks** » Fri Mar 02, 2022 4:30 pm

Hi Elizabeth101,
You cant be happy in your marriage if your doing things like this? trust me I know. Sounds like your very lost at the moment. I hope things get better for you, :lvs

by **elizabeth101** » Wed Mar 14, 2022 6:09 pm

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your responses - it's unbelievable how just a few words from someone can help. And also to hear that other couples might be finding things a little hard also.

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about things over the past few weeks and I think I'm starting to get a little closer to what's going on. I realised when I read over my past emails that I was only giving a tiny snapshot of the story and leaving out a lot. The main thing that I wanted to point out is that my husband doesn't know about how I've been feeling because nobody knows. To the world, we are the perfect couple. In fact, we are known as a very sociable and outgoing couple and many people often tell us how lucky we are. And in many respects, we are the perfect couple.

Despite everything, my husband is my best friend and I do love him to bits. I think the problem is something that reared it's head a few years ago. I feel like a complete traitor even writing this down, but I have to get it out somewhere. It's very confusing for me and even thinking about it is so upsetting. I love my husband and he provides everything for me that I could ever want - in fact he spoils me at every opportunity. But recently (and as happened a few years ago), I have been questioning whether I am 'in love' with him and whether he is in fact the 'love of my life'? We are best friends, we're not lovers as such? Does that make sense? It's nearly like we're brother and sister sometimes. Maybe I need to make more effort in bed or whatever, I don't know.

I was just trying to figure out why in God's name I would ever kiss someone else when I have a perfectly wonderful husband...and I think it's because in my drunken state - it was nice to have somebody look at me like they actually wanted to be with me in that way? To have somebody fancy you? It sounds pathetic, I know and I hate myself even reading this. But there's got to be something behind it.

At the moment, I'm pressing on with life and trying to forget what I've done and carry on. I feel incredibly bad for doing that to my husband and I really hope we can sort things out and have a happy future together. There must be a way?

Anyway - sorry for going on and on as usual - it's just that it's hard to talk to people in my real world. The person I would usually talk to is my husband so you can see my difficulty there. Has anyone experienced this with their partner at all?? Thanks for giving me somewhere to get it all out.

xxx

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