Would this bother you?

by **peanutbutter** » Sat Apr 28, 2022 2:46 pm

Very happily married to the man of my dreams & we've 2 young kids together.

My hubby has on occasion told me that he reckons one of the girls from work fancies him. We were laughing about it & I was slagging him etc etc! This girl would be about 10/11yrs younger than him.
Anyway he was chatting about work last week & he was saying a few of the lads had been working from home & he had gone for lunch with this girl (in the job canteen)
He said he had sent her a msg on work computer to see was she going for lunch coz nobody else was in so they both went, just the two of them. She would regulary go to lunch with the him & the rest of the team. He said that they would go for lunch together (as in just the two of them) once a week
Am I stupid for feeling a bit uncomfortable about this?
She's never told him she fancies him but he says it's fairly obvious & apparently his other workmates have told him she does.

I do trust him 100% but I just feel a bit weird about this, am I being silly?

teatimebride · by **teatimebride** » Sat Apr 28, 2022 5:57 pm

Yes it would bother me a little I think, and I trust my husband 100% too, but her, I wouldn't know from Adam so wouldn't trust her. He's aware that she fancies him and I think that this is encouraging her a little and this isn't fair on her either really!

My husband is friendly with one of the girls he works with and I've no problem at all with this, but if he thought she fancied him or if others thought she fancied him, then I think I would, can't explain why more than what I've already said, and maybe that's not a healthy way of feeling, but hey that's me!

Let him know it makes you uncomfortable, it's the truth so no point in hiding it. Deal with it before it escalates inside you and it ends up coming out in a row.

micls · by **micls** » Sun Apr 29, 2022 2:07 pm

No, it wouldn't bother me. My OH was best friends with a girl who was in love with him, and told him, for years. He was very upset when he told me that she loved him, thinking I'd tell him to stay away. He was so relieved when I didn't. They were good friends and I wasn't going to take that away from him because of how someone else felt.

I trust him 100%, like you. Just remember, nothing can happen without his consent so even if you don't trust her it doesn't really matter once you trust him.

It's fine not to like it but I'd think long and hard before telling him you don't want him doing it or anything. Could make things uncomfortable for him at work for no real reason (as in if you trust nothing's gonna happen).

We can't control our feelings but we can control how we react to them.

by **peanutbutter** » Sun Apr 29, 2022 4:57 pm

Micis, thats how I'm thinking!

Was going to say it to him but I completely trust him 100% & know there's no need at all to bring this up.

Mustang Sally · by **Mustang Sally** » Sun Apr 29, 2022 6:46 pm

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I'd be more worried if he said he avoided her for lunch. I know where my H2b works, who ever is around for lunch always go together even if its just two of them. Maybe it's similar where your fella works and he'd feel more awkward/more drawing attention to the situation if he avoided her for lunch.

elpi · by **elpi** » Sun Apr 29, 2022 7:19 pm

No wouldn't bother me. If they work together and there was only the 2 of them there at lunchtime I think it would be stranger if he didn't go for lunch with her.

alex2012 · by **alex2012** » Sun Apr 29, 2022 7:54 pm

No it would bother me if he didint tell me tho. We always talk about his work and what happened throughout the day, who said what. I never really met his staff but by the sound of them theyre lovely and wouldnt mind if he had lunch with any of the girls.. Talk to him and try to find out what she's like/ what they talk about - any funny storiesetc that would probably put your mind at ease.

by **peanutbutter** » Sun Apr 29, 2022 11:26 pm

elpi wrote:No wouldn't bother me. If they work together and there was only the 2 of them there at lunchtime I think it would be stranger if he didn't go for lunch with her.

She has moved to a different department, dunno if she still sits where DH's team are but I think thats what bothered me slightly...that he messaged her to go for lunch when they wouldn't be in direct contact a such. She would still go for lunch with the team sometimes still.

Littlebo · by **Littlebo** » Mon Apr 30, 2022 1:06 am

I work in a company with over 250+. I go for lunch with many of my colleagues and some days at my desk
and other times I will email or message people. Rare as I usually eat at my desk BUT some of these people are men. My Friends, my Colleagues. That's it, no alterior motive.

It doesn't even occur to me that they are the fairer sex, they are just my friends. If their Wives have a problem with me going for lunch with them, then I would stop but feel sorry for my friend and think it very strange.

teatimebride · by **teatimebride** » Mon Apr 30, 2022 6:39 am

peanutbutter wrote:
elpi wrote:No wouldn't bother me. If they work together and there was only the 2 of them there at lunchtime I think it would be stranger if he didn't go for lunch with her.

She has moved to a different department, dunno if she still sits where DH's team are but I think thats what bothered me slightly...that he messaged her to go for lunch when they wouldn't be in direct contact a such. She would still go for lunch with the team sometimes still.

He probably didn't want to be on his own for lunch hour is all, knowing that all his mates weren't in the office, I wouldn't read anything into that at all hun. We have IM in work and use it all the time, usually for gossip!!

Just to clarify on what I said, I wouldn't dream for a second of telling him I don't want him spending time with her. I was honest when I said it would bother me a little coz it would make me uncomfortable, but I rarely keep anything at all about how I'm feeling from my husband so I would be telling him how it makes me feel, but I wouldn't feel for there to be any need for him to start avoiding her or anything like that, unless she started acting all stalkery and wierd or something, that'd be another kettle of fish!

Littlebo wrote:I work in a company with over 250+. I go for lunch with many of my colleagues and some days at my desk
and other times I will email or message people. Rare as I usually eat at my desk BUT some of these people are men. My Friends, my Colleagues. That's it, no alterior motive.

It doesn't even occur to me that they are the fairer sex, they are just my friends. If their Wives have a problem with me going for lunch with them, then I would stop but feel sorry for my friend and think it very strange.

Littlebo, you seem to be missing the OP's point..... This girl fancies the OP's husband so it is not simply a case of her not wanting her husband to talk to girls at work.... I work in a very large company too, and the exact same thing happens as you mentioned above.

Carriedaway · by **Carriedaway** » Mon Apr 30, 2022 9:20 am

No it wouldnt bother especially since he told you upfront so its not like he was trying to be sneaky about it.

Happy Mammie · by **Happy Mammie** » Mon Apr 30, 2022 11:02 am

I Should my DH your post and he dosent seem tp think there is anything wrong with your DH going on lunch with this girl as your DH was honest & truthful telling you that this woman likes him.

I think it would bother me a small bit but that is saying more about me than my DH. I trust him 100%. My Dh is great friends with a girl in work she texts him and phones him even on weekends. and im ok with this. I think ten fact that he talks about this girl puts my mind at ease. My DH will go on lunch with who ever is around if his friends are off or in meetings.

Littlebo · by **Littlebo** » Tue May 01, 2022 1:39 am

teatimebride wrote:
peanutbutter wrote:
elpi wrote:No wouldn't bother me. If they work together and there was only the 2 of them there at lunchtime I think it would be stranger if he didn't go for lunch with her.

She has moved to a different department, dunno if she still sits where DH's team are but I think thats what bothered me slightly...that he messaged her to go for lunch when they wouldn't be in direct contact a such. She would still go for lunch with the team sometimes still.

He probably didn't want to be on his own for lunch hour is all, knowing that all his mates weren't in the office, I wouldn't read anything into that at all hun. We have IM in work and use it all the time, usually for gossip!!

Just to clarify on what I said, I wouldn't dream for a second of telling him I don't want him spending time with her. I was honest when I said it would bother me a little coz it would make me uncomfortable, but I rarely keep anything at all about how I'm feeling from my husband so I would be telling him how it makes me feel, but I wouldn't feel for there to be any need for him to start avoiding her or anything like that, unless she started acting all stalkery and wierd or something, that'd be another kettle of fish!

Littlebo wrote:I work in a company with over 250+. I go for lunch with many of my colleagues and some days at my desk
and other times I will email or message people. Rare as I usually eat at my desk BUT some of these people are men. My Friends, my Colleagues. That's it, no alterior motive.

It doesn't even occur to me that they are the fairer sex, they are just my friends. If their Wives have a problem with me going for lunch with them, then I would stop but feel sorry for my friend and think it very strange.

Littlebo, you seem to be missing the OP's point..... This girl fancies the OP's husband so it is not simply a case of her not wanting her husband to talk to girls at work.... I work in a very large company too, and the exact same thing happens as you mentioned above.

No, I got the point, the OP said her husband reckons that the other Girl fancies him. My post stays the same. Of course there may be people who have fanciful ideas about their work Colleagues, it's normal. I can't go worrying about what if's when my Oh goes for lunch with people, I just can't and wouldn't. I'm sure plenty of people fancy my OH but irrelevant as far as I am concerned.

Now, if a Girl in question was making a play for my Oh then my head would turn and hold me back.

teatimebride · by **teatimebride** » Tue May 01, 2022 10:56 am

Littlebo wrote:Now, if a Girl in question was making a play for my Oh then my head would turn and hold me back.

This is exactly what I reckon the OP is worried about happening (feel free to correct me OP!) She's not a bit worried about her husbands actions, but is a little wary of what her actions may be, esp if they are alone together, and purely only because both he and other workmates believe that she fancies him. If she didn't, it wouldn't even be a second thought! People can fancy my husband all the want too, it's me he wants so they wouldn't have a chance with him, same with your husband OP, it's you he wants! Being silly or not doesn't come into it, it's how you feel, and I would feel a bit wierd too. It's probably just a passing phase with her and she'll move on soon!

theoracle · by **theoracle** » Wed May 02, 2022 5:08 pm

I would offer a different point of view though. I think this is not a matter of 'proving' that you trust your husband. Yes, I do think it would make me feel uncomfortable, because if it were me, I would not deliberately put myself into the position where I would have one-to-one time with a man that I think (or know) fancies me, purely because I would see it as encouraging the feelings IYKWIM. I would still be friendly with them, I wouldn't ignore them or sideline them, but I wouldn't go out of my way to spend time alone with them. The situation you describe would make me think that, while he may not have any malintentions, he probably quite enjoys being fancied and adored and it massages his ego to spend time with a (much younger) girl.

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