kissed someone on night out

by **FamilyMatters** » Fri May 04, 2022 3:48 pm

i kissed someone last night when out with workmates. i was very very drunk and i never get drunk now i know why. i am sick with guilt can't believe i did this to hubby he such a great wonderful person and he would never do something like this and i never thought i would either. i feel sick to the stomach dont know if i shud tell him or not. no one else knows only me and the guy and he will not tell anyone but still feel like i am lying to hubby if i dont tell him. any advice. anyone else stupid like me.

by **FamilyMatters** » Fri May 04, 2022 3:58 pm

the thing i feel most sugar about is that this guy i kissed does not know my hubby and i keep thinhking that he must think my hubby is not worth being faithful too and i want him to know that i love my husband and that he is agreat person and i dont even know what im trying to say it just fels good to write somthing on here even if no one replies. i dont deserve any sympathy but right now i am just sick sick sick and so angry with myslf for being sduch an idiot

by **funnywoman** » Fri May 04, 2022 7:46 pm

Hi family matters

I havent been through this myself , but what i will say is do not say anything to ur hubby
it was one stupid mistake that you made so just try and forget it amd move on .
There is zero point in making yourself sick with guilt , as long as you have no feelings for this other man? and it has never happened before i would just take it as a lesson learned .

God only knows we all do something stupid when we are drunk .
So just forget about it and be happy with hubby , put it this way you would feel a hell of a lot worse if you slept with him (that would be opening a massive can of worms).
Let the other lad think what he wants too ,you know that u love ur hubby and respect him so i would not give a dam whata he things .It was a moment of madness .
Chin up FM :thnk

niftythrifty · by **niftythrifty** » Fri May 04, 2022 10:05 pm

funnywoman wrote:Hi family matters

I havent been through this myself , but what i will say is do not say anything to ur hubby
it was one stupid mistake that you made so just try and forget it amd move on .
There is zero point in making yourself sick with guilt , as long as you have no feelings for this other man? and it has never happened before i would just take it as a lesson learned .

God only knows we all do something stupid when we are drunk .
So just forget about it and be happy with hubby , put it this way you would feel a hell of a lot worse if you slept with him (that would be opening a massive can of worms).
Let the other lad think what he wants too ,you know that u love ur hubby and respect him so i would not give a dam whata he things .It was a moment of madness .
Chin up FM

+1

Finicky Fi · by **Finicky Fi** » Sun May 06, 2022 9:52 pm

I also agree with the advice of not telling your husband if you are genuinely sorry and not just feeling bad for yourself. You should feel bad as you've done a bad thing.

Though if you think that there is any way that he will find out, you should tell him yourself before he hears it from someone else.

Just wondering, how would you feel if the situation was reversed and it was your husband who stupidly snogged a colleague who he'll see often after?
Would you want to know?

Ellefun · by **Ellefun** » Tue May 08, 2022 1:02 pm

I can't condone what you did. Drink is a lame excuse. As many posters have said when the hypothetical situation of infidelity comes up, they would find it hard, if not impossible, to forgive. Drink didn't make you cheat. Yeah you feel bad but you need to address the issue. Do you really think if you stay off drink for the rest of your life it will never happen again??? It's an excuse, but not a reason.

You need to seriously think about telling your OH. If he ever gets a sniff of this and finds out on his own you'll be in even more hot water. If the roles were reversed what do you really believe you'd want to happen. I think he deserves to know and make up his own mind about what to do next. Lying, or a lie by ommission, could make this impossible to come back from.

candlequeen · by **candlequeen** » Tue May 08, 2022 11:59 pm

Ellefun wrote:I can't condone what you did. Drink is a lame excuse. As many posters have said when the hypothetical situation of infidelity comes up, they would find it hard, if not impossible, to forgive. Drink didn't make you cheat. Yeah you feel bad but you need to address the issue. Do you really think if you stay off drink for the rest of your life it will never happen again??? It's an excuse, but not a reason.

You need to seriously think about telling your OH. If he ever gets a sniff of this and finds out on his own you'll be in even more hot water. If the roles were reversed what do you really believe you'd want to happen. I think he deserves to know and make up his own mind about what to do next. Lying, or a lie by ommission, could make this impossible to come back from.

+1. I detest when drink is used as an excuse. The drink did not make you do it, there must be some other reason you did it. Drink makes people drunk, it doesn't make people think they're free and single. Also, why are you worrying about what this mystery man thinks of you or your husband?! Why would you care what kind of man he thinks your husband is?!

If you don't want to tell him, fair enough, but you'll have to live with that guilt and worry hanging over your head forever more. It's up to yourself what you do, but if the situation was reversed, I wouldn't be too impressed with H2B, drink or no drink.

I wouldn't like to be in your position but you need to weigh things up - was it a one-off that will never happen again, or was it something you did because you wanted to in that moment. If you can live with it, then keep it to yourself, but if there's one tiny chance that your husband could find out from someone else, I think you should confess as soon as possible and see where to go from there.

Eleanor Rigby · by **Eleanor Rigby** » Wed May 09, 2022 6:23 am

I'm probably breaking the trend here, but I think you should tell your Husband. Imagine if the roles were reversed and you knew he was hiding something like this from you... how would it make you feel.

When you get married you're promising honesty with that person for the rest of your life, and I think honesty is what's needed to keep a marriage going. If you don't tell him, and he finds out through some other way, then he won't trust you in relation to other things. If you love him like you do I think you owe him the truth.

brideorbridezilla · by **brideorbridezilla** » Wed May 09, 2022 10:35 am

Don't tell him.

You obviously have some issues and they are coming to the surface i.e. drinking more than you do and kissing someone. What good is telling him to ease your conscience?

You need to ask yourself why you did it? Are you looking for attention (not being mean but if you are not recieving it at home you could be looking elsewhere). Are you on self destruct, is things in your life out of control and you are lashing out trying to hurt people the way you are hurting? Is the deed crap and you are curious? These are just some reasons, but there is definitely an underlying issue here.

Say nothing and try to work out what is wrong with your life right now. I agree with previous posters that it is just not drink, there is something else going on but no point in saying anything, hurting your husbandfor something that is a consequence of your head.

Good luck living with your guilty conscience, I can image it will be tough but there is no point in losing everything .

HisBoo · by **HisBoo** » Wed May 09, 2022 3:36 pm

Ellefun wrote:I can't condone what you did. Drink is a lame excuse. As many posters have said when the hypothetical situation of infidelity comes up, they would find it hard, if not impossible, to forgive. Drink didn't make you cheat. Yeah you feel bad but you need to address the issue. Do you really think if you stay off drink for the rest of your life it will never happen again??? It's an excuse, but not a reason.

You need to seriously think about telling your OH. If he ever gets a sniff of this and finds out on his own you'll be in even more hot water. If the roles were reversed what do you really believe you'd want to happen. I think he deserves to know and make up his own mind about what to do next. Lying, or a lie by ommission, could make this impossible to come back from.

I have to agree. . . . It may have something to do with the fact that in my last relationship my bf cheated on me twice and blamed both of the times down to drink .. So i really don't accept "i was so drunk" as an excuse ..

Im sorry you are going through this...But i just cannot accept the " I was Drunk excuse!"

Do the right thing! Put yourself in his shoes.. If for some reason it does get out..imagine how he will feel...

Luka · by **Luka** » Wed May 09, 2022 4:38 pm

We know drink isn't an excuse, but I think when a person is drunk, their defences are down! A while ago, I was at a "do", now I wasn't drinking as I was 6 months pregnant, but a guy I know, who had alot drank, now he didn't try to kiss me, but I could see it in his eyes & as the do was in a house, when we were passing in the hall, he put his hand out to touch my hand & stopped me. I just kept walking! I know this guy & if he was sober he wouldn't have done that in a million years! So I know drink isn't an excuse but it makes people act in a way they normally wouldn't !

If it were me, I think I would tell my DH & live with the consequences. I don't carry guilt well!
One time after a funeral, myself & a male relation (who I don't see very often), were kissing goodbye on the cheek, ANyway we both went the wrong way & ended up kissing on the lips! Some family saw what happened & laughed but I was mortified! It was only a second but still :-8

I told my DH about it & he was fine about it as he knew it wasn't intentional, but I still felt bad. I couldn't live with keeping that from my DH! If you can live with the guilt, then stay quiet, but if it were me, I'd tell & take the aftermath.

Mustang Sally · by **Mustang Sally** » Wed May 09, 2022 4:47 pm

I wouldn't tell.

If it were my OH and he had kissed someone else but really regretted it I'd rather not know. If he told me I'd think it was actually selfish of him - It'd be torture knowing your OH had been unfaithful and why should I have to know about it and have to deal with the emotional upheaval just for the sake of him having a clear conscience?

I think on the long road of marriage, temptation is always going to happen. If it was just a kiss and you regret it fully and still want to be with your husband 100% then keep it to yourself and deal with the guilt yourself. That's just my opinion but every couple is different and I realise some people may think my thinking is daft!

layla14 · by **layla14** » Wed May 09, 2022 9:29 pm

I wouldn't tell.

If it were my OH and he had kissed someone else but really regretted it I'd rather not know. If he told me I'd think it was actually selfish of him - It'd be torture knowing your OH had been unfaithful and why should I have to know about it and have to deal with the emotional upheaval just for the sake of him having a clear conscience?

I think on the long road of marriage, temptation is always going to happen. If it was just a kiss and you regret it fully and still want to be with your husband 100% then keep it to yourself and deal with the guilt yourself. That's just my opinion but every couple is different and I realise some people may think my thinking is daft!

+1 - toally agree, the best post IMO!

Ellefun · by **Ellefun** » Thu May 10, 2022 8:12 am

Those advocating not telling her OH.... How do you think he'll feel/react if he finds out from someone else. It's not beyond the bounds of reality that someone they know have could have seen her. If he finds out another way it'll make it 100 times worse.

I don't think the OP is necessarily a bad person and yes I do think something more has to be at play here. People who are happy in themselves and their relationships don't cheat. I'd feel so disrespected if my DH cheated and then tried to blame drink. And if I heard it 3rd hand then there may not be a way back for us.

People make mistakes, I get that. But I don't think lying about it is the way to go. If he finds out from anyone other than her his mind could/probably will go racing and he'll imagine way worse and that she has cheated before. Her coming clean gives her some control over the situation.

micls · by **micls** » Thu May 10, 2022 8:47 am

If it were me I'd tell him, because in the opposite situation I'd want to know. In fact I think I'd have a right to know. As a partner in a marriage I should have the right to make a decision about our future with the full facts. Otherwise I think it's 'tricking' the other person in a sense. Would you tell him if you'd slept with him? What you did doesn't change his right to the information imo, though I would expect it to change how he reacts to it.

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