New invites after negative rsvps?

by **Mrs O'Neill** » Tue Jul 19, 2022 12:44 pm

I'm sorry the subject didn't make more sense! We told my fmil that she could invite 10 couples (on top of family). After many arguments about how 36 people is more than 20 people she finally gave us a list of 10 people. Then she added 8 more. We said no so she sulked but took off the eight extra. Now she is telling us that some of the people have told her they can't go so can she ask other people instead.

I have a few problems with this,
1. We were depending on regrets
2. I think its tacky to send a b list
3. I haven't received an rsvp and am worried she is lying so we'll invite more people for her

My h2b thinks we should allow her seeing as we did tell her she could have 10 couples. I didn't realise that I'd have to specify that its not our fault if the 10 she picked don't want or can't come.

What do ye think?

by **bridette** » Tue Jul 19, 2022 12:50 pm

for a quiet life... i would let her do it if you can afford to at all. It will only be a few regrets less than what you were expecting overall. (Make sure your side of the family don't get to hear about this and pull the same trick if you think they might!).
If it is tacky, then it is only her few friends that will think you are tacky (if they even ever find out that they were b list), and what do you care about what they think?
And make sure that she knows you are not happy about doing it without having the regret rsvps in your hand, and that if these other "regrets" actually show up then she will have to foot the bill! You are so close to your wedding now that you should just relax and go with the flow.... you won't even remember making this decision in five years time, so don't beat yourself up about it!

by **sue06** » Tue Jul 19, 2022 1:00 pm

Hi b2b26aug05

Are these extra people family or her friends?

If it was family i'd probably let it go but if it was friends or neighbours i'd put my foot down. It's your day so she should respect any decision you've made about numbers.

We've got an approx list of 220 and that's it - not adding any more to keep others happy. That's just my opinion

by **shellem** » Tue Jul 19, 2022 1:05 pm

i'd let her too - life's too short if you can afford it at all - my mother is still adding to her list (hoping some people may RSVP no! :? ) and then she will send more invites ( a B list I suppose you'd call it!) I don't like B lists meself - you're either invited or not so I told her to add to list - I dread the next few weeks when we eventually write invites and end up with 1,000 guests!!!! :shock: :shock: :lol: :lol:

by **deem** » Tue Jul 19, 2022 1:06 pm

i would let her have the extras to allow her to have ten couples, BUT ONLY IF YOU HAVE REGRETS RSVPS, and i would tell her this.......

by **LynSept05** » Tue Jul 19, 2022 1:50 pm

Same as Deem, she does need to provide you with regret rsvp's before you even think about it!

by **Mrs Darcee** » Tue Jul 19, 2022 2:22 pm

Let her it will make her happy and your life easier at the end of the day all the matters is you marry H2B. I had some hassle with invites the number was getting bigger by the week form both families so we caved in and now about 20 can't come sowere back to the number we wanted originally and everyone is happy :wink:

by **Mrs Moo** » Tue Jul 19, 2022 2:33 pm

A friend of mine who is getting married actually rang me yesterday to try to get a handle on the exact same thing.

They can ONLY have 150 on the day. Because of the FMIL & FFIL, their list is hitting 250 & they refuse point blank to remove anybody from it. When her BIL & SIL2B got married last year, SIL2B was more evil than Osama Bin Laden for standing up to the FMIL & telling them to cut down on their guests.

They actually invited half the road to the wedding (they were also at ours as my MIL & FIL did the same stunt... and we had a few choice words along the way)

The difference is that my hubby agreed that the parents were losing the run of themselves & we jointly had a "discussion" with them. Her prob is that her H2B doesn't want to upset the parents!!! He's in far more danger of getting a clatter from his wifey to be instead.

My solution is... deduct the bridal party & immediate family from the list, divide it by 4 and then tell the inlaws- there's your lot. You tell me who is coming from your 30 guests. And I want the full names and addresses. No substitutions without clearing it with us first. And there won't be any "spare" places on the day!!!!

New invites after negative rsvps?

Should I send more invitations?

New invites after negative rsvps?

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