Ohs fathers wife-nutjob

Jomcodoodle · by **Jomcodoodle** » Wed May 09, 2022 4:05 pm

nother looking for advice thread. In short oh and her fathers wife don't get on too well. She's quite a bitchy jealous woman, always has to be the best dressed, the best everything at anything. Loves showing other people up, especially ohs mother. We feel we have to invite this woman as her fathers wife but oh in her gut really doesn't want to and feels ill thinking about the woman at our wedding.

It doesn't help that she really can't handle her drink and when she drinks she gets even more obnoxious and ridiculous. She got sick on oh before at a family event when trying to bring her home and usually starts shouting about ohs fathers family thinking they're above her and how she's so much better than all of them and they should be delighted to have her in their lives.

So between the woman not being able to handle her drink and whose behaviour is appalling after a few drinks(i seriously mean only 2 or 3 drinks, this woman is a train wreck even on the smell of alcohol), 100% will purposely try to offend ohs mother on the day, will possibly try to upstage oh herself, and her general awful personality....oh is upset at the thought of being there but knows her father would never forgive her for leaving her out. I had advised her to invite the woman and avoid her but she is the kind who will do her best to be in all the pictures, at the front of everything etc...

Any great words of wisdom??

flor · by **flor** » Wed May 09, 2022 4:54 pm

God, she sounds like a total nightmare. An awful situation to be in esp. when it's "family".

First off I would say your OH really needs to have a good heart to heart with her dad (just the two of them) about how she feels about his wife & how worried she is that she'll ruin the day with her drinking & upset other members of the family. Maybe she could be persuaded to avoid alcohol for the day? (Unlikely, I'm guessing).

I'd be tempted to say just don't invite her, life is short & why bother tolerating the likes of her on your special day, but do you think the repercussions would be worth it? she sounds like the type who would go out of her way to make things difficult between your OH & her dad in the future...

Maybe just lock her in a broom cupboard when nobody's looking :o0

FutureMrsS · by **FutureMrsS** » Wed May 09, 2022 6:25 pm

Oh gosh, this is such an awkward position to be in! My cousin got married a few years ago(my uncle is also remarried, new wife is lovely but there is ill-feeling with ex-wife)... anyway upshot, Casey sat her dad down and said she'd rather new wife wasn't present.... that it was a special day she wanted to share with her parents with no I'll feeling or discomfort between partners. Her mum would have been really unhappy if new wife was there so Casey made executive decision to only have father. She had a lively day, my uncle understood and there was no drama on the day! Not sure f your ohs dad would respond in a similar fashion but if its approached the right way there are few things daddies won't do for their daughters!:-)

Whoohoo · by **Whoohoo** » Wed May 09, 2022 7:00 pm

hi jo i'm in the same situation as your oh my dad remarried last year and his wife is a complete and utter nutter! And to top it all off she does my nut in! As soon as we got engaged i had nightmares about the wedding and the thoughts of having her there turned my stomach because there's no way i could have her there and just grin and bare it she'd make hersel known and a spectacle of hersel. So i bit the bullet and talked to my dad said i know she's his wife now but i felt uncomfortable with her there and could we come to some compromise on it. He was a bit annoyed to begin with but said he understood it was my day and said he wouldn't ask for her to be there (i knew i couldn't ask this) so she'll come to the evening part and were all happy. The build up to approaching him was worse then the talking to him but i think i built it up more in my head then it actually was, but definitely talk about it before the big day

Jomcodoodle · by **Jomcodoodle** » Thu May 10, 2022 8:47 am

Unfortunately oh's dad has already said he won't come to the wedding if his wife isn't invited. Tbh i'd say thats whats been drilled into him from her as opposed to his own decision. She is one of those people who has delusions of grandeur when it comes to herself and feels that everyone should be on the ground worshipping her, telling her how young and stylish and beautiful she is and praising her for her wisdom. You're guaranteed that if theres ever a situation she will be on hand to deliver loads of advice thats exactly what you should do because its what she would do, and she knows everything because she's so great.

If she doesn't get her way, sober or drunk its an all out hissy fit that would shame a toddler, she goes nuts at oh's dad and i'd say it continues for a long while between them after the parties over. She already threw a hissy fit that she wasn't a part of the bridal party (thought she should be chief bridesmaid) or brought dress shopping with oh.

Some good advice but not sure if it will work with her...thanks for the tips though. Will have a good think and see what works for us

mrslofty · by **mrslofty** » Thu May 10, 2022 10:21 am

I'm sorry but upon reading your post the story below was what I automatically thought about!
This is a very hard situation and I'm so sorry for my reaction. I don't have any advice that you have not already heard, but I do hope it all works out for you.

How To Be a Gracious Lady:
Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parent's nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind, sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day."
A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it." Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding."

Apologies :-8

flor · by **flor** » Thu May 10, 2022 10:29 am

mrslofty wrote:I'How To Be a Gracious Lady:
Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parent's nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind, sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day."
A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it." Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding."

excellent story, mrslofty :o0

Ellefun · by **Ellefun** » Thu May 10, 2022 12:43 pm

If I were her I'd either write a letter (at least she can rehearse it and choose her words carefully), or have a sit down with her dad, in private. Talk to him about other incidents where his wife has been inappropriate and the reasons she is uneasy about the prospect of having her at the wedding. Make sure she can put across to her dad that it isn't just a case of an irrational dislike for a step mother figure. If he won't relent then she should tell him it will be his responsibility (burden) for her behaviour and accept that she will not be a part of the photographs and treated as part of the bridal party. She is his wife but by her actions previously cannot inject herself into proceedings by virtue of her title as his wife.

If he won't/can't see reason because he is too selfish and brain washed by his wife, then disinvite both. He still has a responsibility to be a caring and decent father, whether your OH is an adult or not. If he cannot step up to the mark and compromise for her sake then he should be excluded from the day. As hard as it may be it's a choice your OH will have to make.

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