oh hasn't contributed to any of the wedding costs...

msoon2bmrs · by **msoon2bmrs** » Sun May 13, 2022 11:49 pm

As stated above h2b hasn't contributed a red cent to the cost of any of our wedding costs/deposits so far.getting married in the new year.he earns so what less than me but I thought by now he would have managed to save a bit.we even gave up renting specifically so he could try and save.

I feel time is flying by and that before we know it that the wedding will be here and I will be footing the entire bill on my own.just tonight he was discussing the guest list...and people we need to invite.I feel like I don't want to discuss it until he has made an effort to contribute.I've have some savings but I don't see that its fair that I'm left to pay for everything.

Are there any other that are in the same situation.I feel like telling him he has till Sept to save at least 5k or we'll have to postpone everything...I'm just at my wits end.I've sacraficed alot to make the savings I have made and he refuses to reduce amt spend on alcohol and smoking. O:|

Please tell me what you think.... :weep

micls · by **micls** » Mon May 14, 2022 2:06 am

Have you discussed how you feel with him?

My OH earns a lot less than me, about a third of what I earn. We pool our money generally. He pays rent from him salary, I pay everything else including wedding savings (about 1500euro a month). I see it as our money, and I'm sure in the future at some stage the positions will be reversed.

Starting a marriage being resentful about who's spending what is a bad idea. Sit down and thrash it out. Get to the bottom of why he isn't saving. Where's the money going. Come up with a savings plan together and set up direct debits if necessary.

Put it this way, if ye can't talk and figure out saving for the wedding together, what about when you're saving for a house, or paying for stuff for a baby etc.

Good luck.

FutureMrsS · by **FutureMrsS** » Mon May 14, 2022 6:25 am

OH and I pool all money. We've a joint account and it's never a case of my money or his money. Its ours. Don't know if there's anybody doing anything similar - a lot of our friends think we're mad.... but I do agree with micis... you have to talk to him about it...Its not healthy to resent him silently. Hope it all works out for you.

november 2012 · by **november 2012** » Mon May 14, 2022 8:13 am

The way couples deal with their finances is very personal to them what works for me might not be for you...i earn just over double what my fiances does so I pay all the monthly bills and im saving the lump sum for the wedding but we use his wages for all our other expenses.. i dont see it as my money or his though its our joint money that comes in our home to be spent on our lives together....but it is something you need to sit down and really talk about as I think you could end up resenting it closer to the time...and being on different pages financially can be a big stress. My OH can spend money like its going out of fashion so i feel better knowing all the bills are paid and the money is put aside each month! hope it works out ok

ciaraella · by **ciaraella** » Mon May 14, 2022 8:22 am

If i were in your position i'd set up a joint savings account and decide what each of you can put in so that you can both see what's going in and there's nowhere to hide with it!

Tooyay · by **Tooyay** » Mon May 14, 2022 9:05 am

We have a joint account for groceries and bills and a joint savings account for the wedding.
I found having it laid out we put X amount of money a month in for wedding savings helped and then there was no fighting we also put any lotto winnings in too but i get bonus' in vouchers in work so i will b using them but i dont mind if it helps cut down on cost and im not really a big shopper!

ClaireT1981 · by **ClaireT1981** » Mon May 14, 2022 1:39 pm

Everyone deals with their money different and as much as we are a couple we don't pool our money. We have a joint account for bills etc but once they are paid my money is mine and his money is his as he has 2 many expensive hobbies, plus i was always brought up to look aftermyself so everyone deals with their finances different. However saying that we are trying hard to save for wedding and a deposit on a house so we came to an agreement that i would save / pay for wedding and he would save / pay for the house deposit and so far all seems to be going to plan but if your not happy with the way things are going i would have a talk with OH.

candlequeen · by **candlequeen** » Mon May 14, 2022 1:54 pm

msoon2bmrs wrote:As stated above h2b hasn't contributed a red cent to the cost of any of our wedding costs/deposits so far.getting married in the new year.he earns so what less than me but I thought by now he would have managed to save a bit.we even gave up renting specifically so he could try and save.

I feel time is flying by and that before we know it that the wedding will be here and I will be footing the entire bill on my own.just tonight he was discussing the guest list...and people we need to invite.I feel like I don't want to discuss it until he has made an effort to contribute.I've have some savings but I don't see that its fair that I'm left to pay for everything.

Are there any other that are in the same situation.I feel like telling him he has till Sept to save at least 5k or we'll have to postpone everything...I'm just at my wits end.I've sacraficed alot to make the savings I have made and he refuses to reduce amt spend on alcohol and smoking.

Please tell me what you think....

OP you can never assume that someone will just save off their own back - if he thinks you're managing perfectly well with saving up until now, he might just not have thought he needed to knuckle down? You'll really have to talk to him, because if you don't, by the time the wedding comes around you'll have so much resentment built up that you won't even enjoy the day.

Have a little chat with him, tell him you're finding it difficult to foot all the bills on your own, and ask him for a contribution. As people have said, how couples deal with finances is a very much individual thing - here, I pay for all the weekly grocery shopping, car insurance, broadband, sky, TV licence. H2B pays for car tax, petrol, ESB, rent - we split wedding costs, or if I pay one deposit, I've no problem saying 'I paid for X, can you give me the deposit for Y?' - it works for us, but that's not to say it works for everyone. Please have a chat with him and don't let it build up into something huge.

babyhopesanddreams12 · by **babyhopesanddreams12** » Mon May 14, 2022 2:00 pm

ciaraella wrote:If i were in your position i'd set up a joint savings account and decide what each of you can put in so that you can both see what's going in and there's nowhere to hide with it!

+1 a joint account is a good idea. Dh and myself have a joint account as well as our own. I pay the mortgage and insurances and dh pays for the groceries and bills and any other bits that need paying for.

just sit him down and talk about it. He may think everything is fine and may not realise you feel this way

msoon2bmrs · by **msoon2bmrs** » Mon May 14, 2022 6:44 pm

Thanks for all the replies but as many have said finances vary between couples.We have a joint account which we could use the problem is ive no problem putting money in it once im not the only one.I'm well able to set money by hes not.big worry is wedding is 7 months away and we are supposed to be emigrating too.its not like he has nothing to aim for...
i'm going mad.ive had converstaions with him in the past.
Weve given up our joint apartment to allow him save but he thinks 300 a month for the next 7 months will do...What planet he on???

seriously considering postponing...either that or head to oz myself.it was his dream but as i said he hasnt a penny...

candlequeen · by **candlequeen** » Mon May 14, 2022 7:02 pm

msoon2bmrs wrote:Thanks for all the replies but as many have said finances vary between couples.We have a joint account which we could use the problem is ive no problem putting money in it once im not the only one.I'm well able to set money by hes not.big worry is wedding is 7 months away and we are supposed to be emigrating too.its not like he has nothing to aim for...
i'm going mad.ive had converstaions with him in the past.
Weve given up our joint apartment to allow him save but he thinks 300 a month for the next 7 months will do...What planet he on???

seriously considering postponing...either that or head to oz myself.it was his dream but as i said he hasnt a penny...

Okay, I don't mean to be offensive or rude, but are you sure it's just the saving that's annoying you? You sound like you're really, really annoyed with him for a few reasons and you need to clear the air as soon as you can. Seriously, talk to him. If you're willing to marry this man and emigrate with him, you need to drive it home to him that you are not happy with the current situation and that things need to change. Just tell him that you're at the end of your tether and you feel like you're doing it alone. Honestly, talk to him again.

Vanessa Shanessa Jenkins · by **Vanessa Shanessa Jenkins** » Mon May 14, 2022 8:11 pm

Sent you a PM

bridereilly · by **bridereilly** » Mon May 14, 2022 9:41 pm

money can cause so many arguments, I think you should sit down and tell him exactly what's bothering you as he more than likely doesn't realise what he's doing and how its affecting you.

2bmrsc · by **2bmrsc** » Tue May 15, 2022 9:24 am

hiya missus,yeah i feel your pain,lol,himself has a lot of bills(which i dont have ie his car etc)and he has not saved one penny,its not deliberate though,its just not there to save,ive been the one looking around on websites for special offers from vendors,invites etc to save money,putting money away each week from my wages and havent went shopping in ages,thats my sacrifice in order to make it happen for us,ive given himself a deadline and an amount to have up by next year so hes promised when his bills go down the savings will start,doesnt stop me thinking (somedays)that im doing it all,,have a chat thats what i say,,it does work,either that or kick up the,,,,,lol hope it works out,,xxx

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