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alcoholic brother - advice please?

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alcoholic brother - advice please?

Postby advicesought » Sun Apr 29, 2022 2:21 pm

Hi all, im a long time user but gone anon for this. My brother is in his early thirties and as the topic says is an alcoholic, the problem has been there as far as i can see since he was in his early 20's but its only lately we've really copped on, foolish as it may seem. Hes back home now with my parents, he's lost umpteen jobs, failed numerous college courses and lost friends and when i look at it Drink is behind it all. My query is how can we help him when he really doesnt want to help himself?? The folks were reluctant at first but seem to have accepted it now, they've gotten him to a few AA meetings and then he just stopped going. At this stage im more worried about my parents than him cos it's tearing them apart and they've aged so much, purely from worry about him. They're afraid to leave him alone in the house etc... What im asking really is if anyone has any experience of this and if some kind of residential thing where they sign him in would be best.. he really refuses to admit he has a problem, hiding bottles of vodka in his room, falling around the house etc, its really horrible. Thanks for any advice, im usually kinda sure of what to do but when its your own family it kinda stumps me and im afraid to say the wrong thing.
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Re: alcoholic brother - advice please?

Postby colabottle » Sun Apr 29, 2022 3:01 pm

Just pmd you
Thinking of you all...
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Re: alcoholic brother - advice please?

Postby kittycatt24 » Sun Apr 29, 2022 3:42 pm

Where in the country are u? Tabor Lodge in Cork is a residential rehab centre but unfortunately they cannot help a person unless they want to help themselves and they have to want to attend of their own volition.
Horrible situation for all of you to be in. Best of luck with everything xx
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Re: alcoholic brother - advice please?

Postby flor » Sun Apr 29, 2022 4:48 pm

hi advicesought,

i'm really very sorry to hear about what you & your family are going through at the moment.

as horrible as this sounds, you can't help someone who won't help themselves... if living at home with your parents is allowing your brother to continue feeding his addiction then ultimately he'll either have to commit to getting help, or (unthinkable as this may seem) move out... otherwise, he can avoid taking responsibility for his problem, it will probably get worse, and your parents are left to deal with the fallout, which isn't really sustainable or fair on htem or the rest of you. al anon provide guidance & support to families of alcoholics, maybe there will be a group in your area - http://www.al-anon-ireland.org/
good luck & hope things work out soon x
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Re: alcoholic brother - advice please?

Postby vidia » Sun Apr 29, 2022 10:13 pm

You know what, I had a long reply typed and its all tripe. My brother is a drug addict and if your brother doesnt want help theres little you can do.. You should try to get him out of your parents house, he will suck all the good out of them.. They deserve more.

I really hope you can get through to him..
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Re: alcoholic brother - advice please?

Postby advicesought » Mon Apr 30, 2022 8:39 am

Thanks for the replies girls, i really do appreciate it, Kittycatt, in the Leinster area but he's just not there yet so as the others have said he has to want it himself i suppose. @ Flor, my mum actually went to one of the Al Anon meetings and it was good in that she came out of it a bit stronger and with the 'he has to help himself' attitude..only for a while though. I agree with you and vidia about him moving out, its just getting my parents to the stage where they can do that, it feels like im talking to the wall most of the time and then he stays sober for a few days/a week (where they dont find him drunk) and god love them they think hes ok again, they're old fashioned enough and i relly dont think they deep down can accept hes an alcoholic but theres no doubt. My gut feeling on it is hes been given so many opportunities to help himself, my parents are really one in a million and he has continuously thrown it back in their faces that its time to look after themselves and throw him out, I hope that doesnt sound really cruel but hes had enough chances and its about time he lived in the real world and they got their lives back.
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Re: alcoholic brother - advice please?

Postby colabottle » Tue May 15, 2022 4:43 pm

Hows everything going since advicesought??
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