Falling out over an inheritance.

Anne Cordelia Shirley · by **Anne Cordelia Shirley** » Fri May 04, 2022 10:48 am

Anyone ever experience this? I've been following a thread on another forum about inheritances and families falling out over who was left what. I've heard of eldest sons getting everything, such as the family farm and home, and daughters getting nothing, which has led to family splits. There was an issue over this with my mum's family, thankfully it was sorted out and no one fell out but it did spur me on to make a will because dying intestate or having a will which is unclear or not up to date can cause a lot of hassle.

Mari yay · by **Mari yay** » Fri May 04, 2022 10:56 am

My mam's family did. Basically there was no will, so when my granny passed away we were told to leave the family home which my mam had moved into to look after her parents as they were elderly and afraid. So we moved in when I was around 1 and she looked after her parents, as well as her own family and a full time job.. Once they were gone we were told to leave.

My dad's mother just passed away recently and I have no idea how that will go, but I'd imagine there will be a few fights.
After what I've seen I've already told my dad I don't want any fighting he can do what he likes I won't fight anyone for anything.

Husbands family will definitely fight when his mother passes away.

theoracle · by **theoracle** » Fri May 04, 2022 10:59 am

My grandfather fell out with his step-brother over land. I don't know the ins and outs but it must have been very ugly, because the step-brother to this day will not talk to any of us remaining relatives on my grandfathers side (though we had no involvement nor knowledge of what was going on). When my Dh's granny's time comes I know there will be issues, because 2 of her sons are already arguing about who gets what >:o(

I find it so terrible because the poor woman is in the middle of them them, they are trying to pressure her into changing her will one way or another (they never got married or left home) and it seems such a callous thing to do, no regard for her health and well-being, stressing her out. She'd be better leaving it to a charity TBH.

StupidSexyFlanders · by **StupidSexyFlanders** » Fri May 04, 2022 11:01 am

There is no experience of it in my family but H's family have an odd situation. His Dad is one of 7 siblings and when their mother died his eldest brother was the executor of the estate. To date he has refused to let anyone see the will. There is no wrangling over it - they seem to have just let him get away with it and its not discussed. H has asked his Dad about it a few times but no-one seems to want to push for it to be resolved.

With regard to my own family, while there have been no disputes or anything, the divvying up of assets after my grandparents died strikes me as quite dated. My grandparents' house was sold and the proceeds were split equally among all 8 children. But my grandfather owned quite a bit of land too which he split his own way. One son, who would have worked the land with him, got a whole third to himself. The second third was split between four siblings - two sons with professional qualifications and two daughters (because they were married and their husbands would presumably take care of them!) and the final third was split between the remaining three sons who did not have any professional qualifications. All worth sweet F all now that the building boom has collapsed but a few years back it was worth a substantial amount of money. As it stands myself and my siblings will likely have nothing to fight over :o0

marles · by **marles** » Fri May 04, 2022 11:01 am

When My Grand Dad died,he had no will the land was split into fractions between all my Aunts and Uncles with the largest fraction going to my Granny. Two of my uncles wanted all the land.My Grand Dad gave one field over to one of my cousins who has Down Syndrome.Nobody took issue with this aside from the 2 who wanted the land. He did this before he passed away, my uncles has always assumed they would get all the land. They were such greedy,one had already been living in the farmhouse home and they had both inherited land from an uncle of their's that died.
It ended in a huge split for many years and a lot of bitterness between. It ended with My Mum and some of my Aunts giving up their share so as to protect Granny.

We will be doing a will but more to ensure that DD has my Parent's as her guardian should anything happen to both myself and my DH. Also to ensure that any money (not much now) and the house will go to her and that she will be provided for.

ott · by **ott** » Fri May 04, 2022 11:15 am

It doesn't really matter if a will is made or not. Anyone can contest a will and all costs come out of the estate (except in very rare instances where it goes to court and the judge rules otherwise).

removed

In effect it's a no brainer for someone to contest a will.

highbeam · by **highbeam** » Fri May 04, 2022 11:23 am

OH's family fell out over his grannies will. There are a lot of aunts and uncles, most of whom did nothing for her when she was alive. One uncle and his wife moved into the family home and took care of her for years and they inherited the largest portion of the will, which only seemed fair but it put a lot of noses out of joint and they speak to very few of the family now. We have to put them on completely different table from the rest of the family at the wedding. Its sad to see it happen but money causes so many rows in families.

zoesmama · by **zoesmama** » Fri May 04, 2022 11:35 am

My Dad's family situation was v complicated due to the Solicitor my Grandma went to drawing up the Will incorrectly and leaving some land and part of a house to my uncle who is a Priest. He didn't want it and in any event if he had it would have gone to the church. But there was no fighting between my Dad and his siblings and the whole thing was sorted out with a Deed of Family Arrangement.

My parents have a farm and some other properties and have a v detailed Will done setting out exactly who is getting what right down to the Antiques in the house and my Mum's jewellry. My Dad insisted on a family meeting with all of us there and he told us how things will be when he and Mum are gone. So everyone knows now how it will be and there will be no surprises when they die.

CarolinaMoon · by **CarolinaMoon** » Fri May 04, 2022 11:38 am

There was a falling out in my mother's family when my grandparents died. She is one of 8. The youngest boy was left the farm and the rest were each left a portion of the family home - so one has a large amount of land and 7 had a share in one house. The one left the land contested the will because he felt it was unfair that he also didn't get a share in the house. My gran had owned the house outright herself and felt very strongly that he had received enough over the years but he still doesn't talk to a lot of the family after he lost.

My parents have a will made and I am executer of it. They have a few properties and my dad's business etc so wanted to make sure that everything was clear and agreed upfront. Oh and I get the dog apparently.

Bonnie Parker · by **Bonnie Parker** » Fri May 04, 2022 1:01 pm

zoesmama wrote:
My parents have a farm and some other properties and have a v detailed Will done setting out exactly who is getting what right down to the Antiques in the house and my Mum's jewellry. My Dad insisted on a family meeting with all of us there and he told us how things will be when he and Mum are gone. So everyone knows now how it will be and there will be no surprises when they die.

I think this is the best course of action. There should be transparency as to what the plan is when the situation arises. My parents have done the same.

Ellefun · by **Ellefun** » Fri May 04, 2022 1:20 pm

We haven't had any dramas at either side of the family. My mothers father died when she was 20 and anything he had passed on to my granny. Her eldest son (my uncle) was still living at home and took over the mortgage on the house. When he eventually sold the house before she died she moved in with one of her daughters and that family, by her choice. AFAIK there really wasn't much and possessions were divided according to sentimentailty... The sons didn't want much really.

My dads parents left their family home to the youngest son as he never married and looked after them until their dying day. He's never lived anywhere else in his entire life. No one could begrudge him. They were his life and he devoted all his time and energy into their well-being.

My parents have a detailed Will and have no qualms in discussing it. We know who gets what property and mom has asked us who wants which pieces of her jewellery and other keepsakes. Apparently I get the family home. They have gone through their Will with a fine toothcomb to make sure it's as equitable as possible. It's all academic anyway because they are immortal.... I'll always need my parents, so nothing is allowed ever happen to them.

mrsblacky · by **mrsblacky** » Fri May 04, 2022 4:41 pm

Neighbours of ours passed away a few years back. They didn't have any children and they were living in his family home that he'd inherited. He worked the family farm alongside his brother who had built a house nearby and from what we understand his brother received a salary from the farm rather than it being 50/50. The man passed away first and because he hadn't made a will, his wife rightly so inherited everything and the brother continued working the farm and receiving his "salary".

The wife passed away very shortly afterwards and she also hadn't made a will. Because she hadn't made a will and had no immediate family, all of their assets were sold and split evenly between her 23 distant cousins. The brother got nothing and at the auction where the family farm, land and machinery were sold he had to bid for things that were in everyone's opinion rightfully his. There was a clap from all the locals when he won the bid on a tractor that he used every day since it'd been purchased! Totally made everyone who heard the story ensure that they had wills put in place!

Re our situation, I know my DH is the stubborn one who is going to end up falling out with everyone.... Such a stubborn man! The family farm has already been signed over to his brother and some arguments have already happened.... I don't know how we'll cope when his parents pass on.

When my parents passed away, they were very honest that everything was split evenly between us all so we sold the family home and we all got an equal share. We all had a get together and split sentimental items between us all.... Worked very well in that some things meant more to some than others so everyone was happy and we're still all very close!

mrs mammy · by **mrs mammy** » Fri May 04, 2022 5:07 pm

When it comes to money people get a bit funny in the head. This greed takes over them, I've seen it on both sides of my family. One person in particular fighting to get hold of a distant relative's money, he had no will, no family of his own. The lengths this person is going to to get something out of it and trying to keep it secret from his other siblings so they wont try to lay claim to anything, its sick.

alex2012 · by **alex2012** » Fri May 04, 2022 5:23 pm

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by **Hopefully07** » Sat May 05, 2022 10:16 am

Yes it's happened in my family, when my Nanny passed away she left the house to my Mum as she had minded her for all of her life and did everything for her, my nanny went to a solictor and made the will but a few years before that my aunt had brought my nan out and got her to sign over the deeds of the house to her, my nan never new what she had signed and went ahead with the solicitor and made the will but it was not worth the paper it was written on as my nan had already signed the deeds over to my aunt the one that would visit her once every two months for no more than a half hour....

Long story short they went to court my mam lost (we found out a few years later that my aunt who's a solictor was going out with the said judge at the time!!!)

This was a good few years ago....the said aunt is now dead and apparently dead roaring! talk about carma!

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