Christening your children...

bananabread · by **bananabread** » Sat May 05, 2022 9:07 pm

Following on from the thread about non-church christening and the one about schools and christenings...

Christenings have been in my mind a lot this week with the Sean Brady controversy everywhere. We are expecting our first child and keep discussing this topic. I want the ceremony and the celebration for our child, and DH and I are both okay with the general concepts of Christianity. Even though we are both highly sceptical and critical of the institutional church, I have found value and solace at different times in my life from church customs and from some clergy. At the same time, I am very much an á la carte catholic, and I am more than happy to admit that.

I'm not sure if I have a strong enough reason to go outside of the church to have a very similar type of ceremony (no disrespect to anyone else who has chosen to do this btw). And I know that some would say I should be either fully RC or not at all, rather than á la carte about it. I used to think that myself, but I seem to be a little more mellowed in my opinion about it now.

Just wondering what is the general consensus out there? I think I will add a poll to this to get a sense of where people stand on the issue. Hope the poll makes sense!!!

Flower Girl · by **Flower Girl** » Sat May 05, 2022 10:50 pm

We were both baptised and raised as Catholics, but neither of us considers ourselves to be religious now. So we're not having a Catholic wedding, and our children will not be baptised or raised in a faith. The schools thing does concern me a bit, but I could never have my child baptised just for that reason alone.

errigal08 · by **errigal08** » Sun May 06, 2022 12:45 am

we dont have any children yet,but our future babies wont be christened....my mother is not happy with our way of thinking,and has actually told me,she will not watch the child for a second if he/she is not christened :eek

as iv said we dont have any yet and it will be a few years before we do,maybe she will have got use to the idea by then...
our reasons are manly that we ourselves are not church goers,we go when we have to for the usual,weddings,christenings,funerals and thats it we dident get married in the church either,i dont see the point in entering your child into a faith if you yourself do not believe

errigal08 · by **errigal08** » Sun May 06, 2022 12:48 am

we dont have any children yet,but our future babies wont be christened....my mother is not happy with our way of thinking,and has actually told me,she will not watch the child for a second if he/she is not christened :eek

as iv said we dont have any yet and it will be a few years before we do,maybe she will have got use to the idea by then...
our reasons are manly that we ourselves are not church goers,we go when we have to for the usual,weddings,christenings,funerals and thats it we dident get married in the church either,i dont see the point in entering your child into a faith if you yourself do not believe

Elphaba · by **Elphaba** » Sun May 06, 2022 10:40 am

We do not believe in the Catholic Church as an institution, we are both baptised as Roman Catholic. We did have a Christian wedding ceremony and will have a Christian baptism for our children, but not a Catholic one. I think it would be completely hypocritical of me to go into a RC church and swear to bring up my child in the RC faith when I cannot even stomach being in a RC church now.

BusyDee · by **BusyDee** » Sun May 06, 2022 1:05 pm

Personally I ABSOLUTLY DETEST the catholic church, since I was about 10/12 I used to have rows with my parents as they used to try & force me to go to mass every sunday but I refused so Ive had doubts for a very long time. We got married in a civil ceremony and we didnt/will never babtise dd or any future kids. I want to be cremated when I die and have a humanist funeral. I don't feel in any way "left out" because I chose to not belong to the CC (or any religion for that matter). Infact I felt a sense of relief when I decided I was no longer catholic. Funny thing is a lot of people assume I don't believe in God but I do,very strongly infact (although there are times when I wonder) and I believe in heaven and angels etc which really is the basis for thousands of christian religions - not just the CC.

DH would consider him catholic but he never goes to church unless its for funerals/weddings etc (same as myself) his parents I would call fairly religious but they never once asked why we weren't getting married in a church or they never mentioned about dd not being christened, I genuinely think it doesn't bother them - there are way more important things to worry about.

I debated about whether to have some kind of humanist ceremony for dd but I didn't bother in the end but now I kinda wish I did. We just had a casual party in the house with just immediate family at xmas. I didnt really want to be putting financial pressure on anyone to get new outfits and buy cards/presents etc and of course it would have cost us money too.

Go with what YOU and your OH believe/want and don't mind anyone else you might actually be surprised that people aren't bothered what you do.

by **CroB2B2011** » Sun May 06, 2022 3:59 pm

We were both raised christians but are aetheists now and so won't be christening our kids if we have any.

If you believe in God and consider yourself a christian, but have a problem with the Catholic Church as an institution (a position it seems a lot of people find themselves in) would you consider researching other christian denominations such as the Church of Ireland? You may find a home for your views and beliefs elsewhere.

CarolinaMoon · by **CarolinaMoon** » Tue May 08, 2022 11:37 am

OH and I am getting married in a Church but its more for him than me. He would consider himself to be religious whereas I am not and whilst at the time I comfortable enough with the idea I am less so now and would actually prefer a civil ceremony. However we agreed at the time and I am going along with it.

If we have children I suspect that OH would like to have them christened but I feel that they should be able to make their own minds up later. The main reason for him though is that he would want them to go to specific Catholic Grammar schools up here in the North so I can see his point but I won't be rushing to the church if you get me......

Anne Cordelia Shirley · by **Anne Cordelia Shirley** » Tue May 08, 2022 11:44 am

We won't be and in fairness to our families (bar one or two comments) they've been pretty live and let live about it. We plan on some sort of naming ceremony/party when baby is about three months old. I am actually very uncomfortable with infant baptisms, I just don't think its fair to begin indoctrinating a baby into any religion and you can't ever 'officially' leave the church now they've 'clarified' the rules. So I would prefer to let people decide on any religion when they are old enough to do so. I don't like associating a tiny baby with sin as I heard during a recent christening ceremony, it seems totally wrong to me.

by **jamjars** » Tue May 08, 2022 1:08 pm

We got married in a church and we don't go to mass.

It was something we discussed and it was the decision we came to together, without any pressure from either of our families.
When it came down to it, it's what we wanted (DH prob a little less than me), I felt comfortable in the faith I grew up with, and I wanted to celebrate my marriage this way.

I do sometimes feel a tinge of something, (be it guilt or embarrassment I'm not sure)
I do admit there's times I feel like a hypocrite, I don't support a lot of the church's views, I don't go to church (if I'm honest mainly because I'm lazy), but I do still have faith in Christianity. And when it came down to it, it was what I wanted.

I will christen my children, and have no qualms about admitting that it is partly because of schools. I want every option available to us when the time comes. It's not the only reason but it was a factor when we made the decision.

What does get my goat is people that make a huge song and dance about NOT getting married in a church, how completely wrong it is, that then go and christen their children... ??

Also, for those of you that wouldn't get married in a church/christen your child, would you be godmother to a christened child? If so, is that not also a little hypocritical?

Anne Cordelia Shirley · by **Anne Cordelia Shirley** » Tue May 08, 2022 1:17 pm

jamjars wrote:Also, for those of you that wouldn't get married in a church/christen your child, would you be godmother to a christened child? If so, is that not also a little hypocritical?

DH was asked to be godfather to his niece and declined as he's done Count me Out and would have felt like a total hypocrite making promises about religion and taking on the title of 'godfather' when he doesn't believe in God. It caused some problems at the time but it was the right decision. I would also decline the role of godmother if asked, I don't see myself as someone who would be an appropriate person for the role. I have noticed a lot of people refer to the role as 'symbolic' and think you're making a fuss or an anti-church point by not agreeing to the role, but I would see it as an insult to the genuinely devout to have non believers taking on the role of a godparent.

hestia · by **hestia** » Tue May 08, 2022 1:19 pm

According to you Jamjars, it is. Are you simply exhibiting your view, or genuinely interested in engaging in a discussion? There's not a whole lot of room for discussion around such an iron clad judgement. So you won't mind if I decline.

These threads seem to get mistaken for invitations to sloganeer.

by **jamjars** » Tue May 08, 2022 1:26 pm

Anne Cordelia Shirley wrote:
jamjars wrote:Also, for those of you that wouldn't get married in a church/christen your child, would you be godmother to a christened child? If so, is that not also a little hypocritical?

DH was asked to be godfather to his niece and declined as he's done Count me Out and would have felt like a total hypocrite making promises about religion and taking on the title of 'godfather' when he doesn't believe in God. It caused some problems at the time but it was the right decision. I would also decline the role of godmother if asked, I don't see myself as someone who would be an appropriate person for the role. I have noticed a lot of people refer to the role as 'symbolic' and think you're making a fuss or an anti-church point by not agreeing to the role, but I would see it as an insult to the genuinely devout to have non believers taking on the role of a godparent.

Fair play to you guys on this.
It shows an admirable amount of conviction to refuse.

by **jamjars** » Tue May 08, 2022 1:33 pm

hestia wrote:According to you Jamjars, it is. Are you simply exhibiting your view, or genuinely interested in engaging in a discussion? There's not a whole lot of room for discussion around such an iron clad judgement. So you won't mind if I decline.

These threads seem to get mistaken for invitations to sloganeer.

I'm interested in engaging in discussion about whether or not someone would agree to be godparent under a church they don't believe in.

My point being that yes whilst I do feel a tinge of embarrassment that my actions can be hypocritical I also feel it's hypocritical to actively admonish the church and those that do choose to get married there because it's "easier" or because they want to and then go and do the exact same thing when it comes to promising in a church that they will guide a child in the catholic faith.

Where's the difference? In both you're making vows under god without fully believing in them.

hestia · by **hestia** » Tue May 08, 2022 1:52 pm

I am referring to your question concerning non-Catholic adults undertaking the role of Godparent. The standard argument usually commences with the assumption that the former actively "admonishes" the Church, they are then automatically relegated to the "hypocritical" division with the flick of the keyboard, and some deferential nodding to rule-breaking follows along the way. The responses usually mirror this and it's all a very mutually satisfying, simplified, open-and-shut case of moral certainty. Within the broader context of religion and faith practices under review and renewal, it's getting increasingly harder for an old curmudgeon like me to participate in these sort of self-contained arguments that go nowhere. It's a reminder that while people have broken away from the Church, the cultural legacy of Catholicism is harder to shift and we're still plagued by binary absolutist thinking. It's one or none with no room for ponderances on the inbetweens, other credible scenarios, and the responsibilities on all of us to get there. You're right, I could've, and should've, just kept my gob shut.

Christening your child

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