gigantic rant

Mrs Coco · by **Mrs Coco** » Tue May 08, 2022 12:39 pm

Im sorry for posting this, and I will delete soon, but i have to post this today, I am at my witt ends.
Devastated.

AF arrived last night, BANg on time last night, so painful, nurofen needed badly. But no nurofen can fix how broken hearted I am.

We've started investigation, my bloods are good, DH had results of his first SA, and very very low motility, les than 10%. That will explain why his swimmers are not getting there.
I am devastated, I dont even know whats for us next. I guess IVF? He needs to do another SA and then we will be referred to a fertility clinic.

Last weekend we went to meet one of my closest friend's newborn baby boy, an absolute dote. Yet i have never felt so lonely and heartbroken. I adore my friend, and I am delighted for them, but what about us?

My DH is the most beautiful man in the world, pure heart, what if we cant have kids? He would be the most amazing dad.

To add to it, and I know now i will look even more of a nutcase than I already am, but my friend was saying how it hadn't been easy for them to get pregnant as she only has 2 periods a year. 2 !!!!!!! So they were trying for 2 years.Never diagnosed with PCO's though.
Anyway i was just thinking, all my life these stupid AF's every 26 days, yes that short ! I have never missed one. I'm sore, emotional, a complete mess, not every time, but Id say half the time af arrives. My friend, never, no Pms, 2 days of light bleeding, twice a year, and now she has a gorgeous little boy.

I am not even jealous of her, I am truly happy for her, how could I not, but I am just so so so angry and upset.

Sorry to darken the mood in this forum. I will probably delete it.

LullaBelle11 · by **LullaBelle11** » Tue May 08, 2022 12:48 pm

You are allowed to have a rant Mrs Coco! We all need it now and again. Sorry to hear about your DH's results. My DH's results are exactly the same. They have improved slightly because he has been taking Wellman tablets along with another tablet (Can't remember the name now) but at least they are working. Is your DH taking anything? We are currently waiting to be put on the waiting list for ICSI - this was recommended as DH has low count and motility. Hoping to find out next week if we are on the list!

by **gointochapel** » Tue May 08, 2022 2:48 pm

Mrs Coco, couldnt not reply, have no advise but i feel awful reading your post , really and truely life is just not fair sometimes... this whole process is just so terrible soemtimes and really it makes you wonder where or how you get the strenght to go on... its all the stories of everyone else getting pregnant at the drop of a hat, its everyone else who just seems to get it without any problems or hearthace or stress or worry or pure agonsing heartbreak that you go through month after month , im sorry for you and dont be worrying about your post - thats what its hear for, let it out , i hope you are feeling a bit better later on , and to try and dust your self off and start again , i was actually going to post something a bit similar to you - just about another friend after announcing her pregnancy - not a bother on her - literally jsut looked at a baby and she's pregnant ! i swear when i found out , this morning, i thought someone had kicked me in the stomach, im still not teh better for it and im actually not telling DH , as we're slap bang in the middle of ovualtion and the BD marathon, so its hard enough as it is without putting the added pressure of " oh another one bites the dust " on top of things... will wait until next week maybe, i dont understand why things are so hard for some people and other people just sail through it, sorry im not very encouraging either at the moment, i was full of hope at the start of last week that maybe this could be a lucky month for us and that i was actually thinking opimistically but now, after this latest announcement i cant help but feeling so pressured again and jsut a bit down and out about it all.... anyway all i can say is get the chocolate and wine into you and get an early night and hopefully in few days you'll start to feel a bit more up, take care xx

theresa156 · by **theresa156** » Tue May 08, 2022 3:37 pm

mrs coco...
u are entitled to be upset&frustrated...
ur friend has travelled a long road for her bundle,it is possible that u too may travel a road of some length but like ur friend u WILL hold ur baby.have strength,u have a wonderful dh comfort each other,be good to each other and know that u will be a family

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Mrs Coco · by **Mrs Coco** » Wed May 09, 2022 1:25 pm

Girls, just wanted to say thanks.
Feeling bit better today. I really, really appreciate your replies.

Thanks again x

black pearl · by **black pearl** » Wed May 09, 2022 3:21 pm

mrs coco, I know you will prob kill me for this but I would go down the route of ivf, and if that was nt possible would you consider adoption? You said your DH would make an amazing dad, and im sure you would be an extroadinary mum so it could be an option, but I would try all other avenues first if you can.my heart is broken for you, and I hope things turn around for you xx

by **2010Mrs** » Wed May 09, 2022 8:46 pm

Hi Mrs Coco, hope you feeling better today
Thats what this forum is for and there is plenty of support there.
IVF is possibly the option for you but you should view this is a positive light in that there is semen there however low!!!
Your dream of a BFP is soooo possible
When you meet the clinic it will get the ball rolling, keep up the PMA, its hard but there is loads of support here xxx :lvs

Mrs Coco · by **Mrs Coco** » Thu May 10, 2022 11:04 am

2010Mrs wrote:Hi Mrs Coco, hope you feeling better today
Thats what this forum is for and there is plenty of support there.
IVF is possibly the option for you but you should view this is a positive light in that there is semen there however low!!!
Your dream of a BFP is soooo possible
When you meet the clinic it will get the ball rolling, keep up the PMA, its hard but there is loads of support here xxx

Thanks for your reply 2010Mrs.

Yes I am starting to see things a bit differently, I am more positive now.
We need to repeat his SA, and take it from there.
His count, and morphology or volum ( not really sure how it is called) were excellent, what came back very VERY low was the motility.

DH is now taking all vitamins under the sun, and will see if there is any difference in 2n SA. After that then we'll see what they recommend to us. One step at the time.

Very best of luckx

Busbybabe · by **Busbybabe** » Thu May 10, 2022 1:11 pm

2010Mrs wrote:Hi Mrs Coco, hope you feeling better today
Thats what this forum is for and there is plenty of support there.
IVF is possibly the option for you but you should view this is a positive light in that there is semen there however low!!!
Your dream of a BFP is soooo possible
When you meet the clinic it will get the ball rolling, keep up the PMA, its hard but there is loads of support here xxx

Mrs Coco: Have to echo everything Mrs2010 said. Just because the motility was bad doesn't mean you won't get a BFP. We were in a similiar position and ICSI was recommended to us after our initial tests.
Best of luck with everything O:o)

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