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2 year old won't let me leave the room

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2 year old won't let me leave the room

Postby Tinytots » Sun May 13, 2022 1:10 am

Hi girls, like the title says my two year old ds will not let me leave the room during the day. He is ok at night and for naps but right now for instance he is up in the sitting room screaming while I am feeding and putting dd down.
He has been incredibly difficult lately, in lots of other ways. We are staying with my sister and her three girls at the moment and he is constantly pushing them, pulling their hairs and just being a huge pain in the a**. He is pushing every boundary that exists and is just constantly in trouble. I've tried a couple of discipline methods but nothing made a blond bit of notice.
And now this, he has also stopped feeding himself. He won't ask me to feed him he just refuses to eat and then if I feed him he'll eat. Which is great timing because I'm just about to introduce solids for dd O:|
Any advice anyone at all?
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Re: 2 year old won't let me leave the room

Postby alton » Mon May 14, 2022 1:00 pm

Oh poor you it sounds so rough.
I notice that mine get super clingy whenever they are coming down with something but it might be 2 or 3 days before there is any other obvious sign of illness. The back molars can come through at this age too and they are a nightmare.

It sounds like there is a bit of sibling rivalry going on. If you are just starting weaning the baby, that invovles a lot more time and attention for the little one and he might be feeling ignored? I used to notice that I spoke to DD in a softer voice than I used with DS, and I had to make an effort to speak to him as gently as I did to her. Another tip I used when DD was very small and my hands were full was to smile a lot, and talk about him to her so he didn't feel ignored (to a baby, it doens't make much difference whether you say "what a great girl you are!" or "what a great big brother you have!" but it makes a huge difference to the toddler).
But even without all that, they aren't called the terrible two's for nothing because it is when they naturally push every boundary and assert their independence so taking a deep breath is sometimes all you can do.

My mum pointed out to me, when DD was little that my DS needed cuddles after waking from his nap. I was too exhausted and over whelmed to spot it myself but she was absolutely right. So I made that his sacrosanct mammy-time and made certain that he got top priority for those 10 minutes every day. And while I made sure that we had other slots of time during the day when DD was napping, I knew I could skimp on those in an emergency but not the after-nap cuddle.

If you can make little pools of time for him to spend with you, try and make them totally positive. Do what he wants, let him take the lead, have fun, smile, and don't say no or give out. It's inevitable you'll do enough of that all day.

I used 2 high chairs and used to turn them facing each other for feeding time. Also Baby led weaning was a brilliant system to use because it meant less spoon feeding all round. But if he does insist on being fed, just sit between them and alternate spoonfuls. At least it will keep him busy and involved while you feed the baby!

Can't really think of any other useful advice for now. There isn't really a "fix" as such, I think a lot of this stuff you have to just ride it out.
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Re: 2 year old won't let me leave the room

Postby Tinytots » Mon May 14, 2022 2:54 pm

Thank you so much Alton, I really appreciate your response.
At the time of writing my post I was feeling very overwhelmed, i find it so upsetting that my fabulous, beautiful, amazing ds can be so challenging!
As it happens when I was brushing his teeth last night I noticed he had a whole new tooth! And another one just breaking through. I wonder (hope) if this could have been responsible for some of his issues. He screams a lot, doesn't necessarily seem in any pain or even upset but maybe he just feels uncomfortable in himself and doesn't know why.
I really like your tip about speaking in the same tone, as soon as I read that I realised that's exactly what I do.
I do go the blw route already, thank goodness as I think it'll make life a lot easier than if I was spoon feeding. Ds has always fed himself, that's why it is so unusual that he wants me to feed him now.
We are home now and I think he will be a bit better here as he has his daddy back and no other toddlers to take my attention. My sister thinks he is extremely demanding of my attention and I suppose he is but up until now that was ok. It's not fair to expect him to know straight away that it's no longer acceptable.
Thanks again Alton, I think tomorrow there will deep breaths and soft talking :lvs
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Re: 2 year old won't let me leave the room

Postby SGirl » Mon May 14, 2022 9:05 pm

I don't have any advice but just wanted to say- u r not alone!
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Re: 2 year old won't let me leave the room

Postby Mrs Poppyseed » Tue May 15, 2022 8:25 am

I agree with alton reckon he realises he's not the only one vying for your attention anymore. Can u get him to help you at all, I get dd1 to fetch me nappies and help me put on dd2s socks and things like that, they are only little but they make her feel involved and she loves allthe praise she gets when she does it. She also gets plenty of one to one time, if she asks to be picked up I pick her up, it might invovle putting dd2 down but I reckon dd1 needs it. She gets loads of cuddles of her own on the too and is told she is the best big sister and such a help to mammy and daddy. Re feeding, dd1 will happily feed herself and if she's finished she likes to try and 'feed' her little sis saying things like 'here comes the helicopter open wide' , we have no idea where she got it from but dd2 loves it and dd1 feels like she is doin her bit. DD1 also goes to bed an hr after the baby so we make a big deal of saying nite nite to the baby and then watching peppa pig or whatever with dd1 on her own cos she's a big girl. So far its not gone too badly and there hasn't been any major incidents thank god. Hopefully it'll get better for ya soon.
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Re: 2 year old won't let me leave the room

Postby alton » Wed May 16, 2022 2:18 pm

Hope you doing a bit better today? At that age there are times when it is all so utterly overwhelming. My gap was 18 months, so quite similar to yours and I don't know whether this will make you feel better or worse but mine are the best of buddies now. In fact they are outside in the garden sitting on a door mat sharing a bowl of strawberries......so it does get better and far more quickly than you can imagine!
Also, I was thinking about this after my last post, now that they are 3 and 2 the developmental gap is really apparent. He is far more biddable, and open to instruction and discussion. She is doing things now that drove me crazy with him. I think because he was the older one, I was expecting him to have more sense than he could possibly have for his age.
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