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expanding your family

Support for Mothers and Fathers who have children with Special needs
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expanding your family

Postby Allure » Sat Sep 25, 2022 10:02 am

for those of you with a child with special needs? have you thought about having more children. do you worry the next child will "overtake" your child. I wonder if I have another child will I still have time to care for DD and if I do what would be the best age gap. Is anyone else worried about this. DD is only 3 months so I won't be going again for a while yet but this has been playing on my mind lately. any one else in the same boat?


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Re: expanding your family

Postby orlaeryn » Sat Sep 25, 2022 7:50 pm

Hi Allure,

I have 2 children, the youngest has special needs.I would like to have another child in the future, but in my case there is a small chance of new baby having special needs also..my dd takes up so much of my time and energy i worry a new child- special needs or not- would not get the attention they deserve- and if new child was sn, could i have enough in ME to go through it all again??
I think i'll be waiting a few years till dd is in school and hopefully will be able to consider trying again.
i think regarding age gap , it depend on the kind of sn your child has, and try to think ( if you can) how this will develop over the years.there is no perfect time really.
personally i had wanted to go again when dd was few months old, before we knew she had sp, but we decided to wait.Im sorry we didn't go then as decision would be out of my hands iykwim..whereas now it's a harder choice
I do think you will always manage and have enough love for both, and benefits of siblings would be huge for child with aditional needs.
Sorry for going on,hope you can make your decision easier x
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Re: expanding your family

Postby woc » Sun Sep 26, 2022 10:50 am

Hi,
I too could have posted this exact post. I have one dd who has special needs. I always wanted more than one child but wonder now would there be enough hours in the day to have more than one. I have to do daily physio with dd it is mostly done through playing and in fairness when we go visiting cousins friends with kids I manage to bring them in on it and dd really seems to enjoy it more then. I'm lucky she is a very sociable girl. She is 21 months now.
On the other hand I wonder how we would cope if we had another child with sn. Also with all the appointments we have to attend I don't know how I would manage this with another baby. Currently we have apts maybe twice a week and we go swimming three times a week, all part of her programme. How would I keep this up if I had another. Oh the dilema.
Can't imangine not having any more though.
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Re: expanding your family

Postby tilsun » Thu Sep 30, 2022 12:58 pm

Girls I have thought about this so much since DD was born.
I am 34 now and always wanted at least 3 LOs. DD is our first and has Down Syndrome. After the initial shock we have come to terms with her diagnosis really well and it helps that she is an absolute dote who is the best thing to happen to us and everyone around us.

But her diagnosis opened up a whole new world for me, one where truly awful things happen to wonderful people for no good reason. When we were trying to come to terms with her diagnosis we often said 'it could have worse' and then listed the terrible diagnoses babies get, of stillbirths and so on. At the time it put our news into perspective but I wish we had never gone there as now those scenarios play on my mind constantly.

Hand on my heart I can say that if someone told me my next baby would have DS but be as healthy as DD I'd be ttcing in the morning. It is the lack of reassurances - the great unknown of special needs that has me terrified to even think of it. But I am so sad when I think of never being pregnant again or holding my newborn. I loved every minute of that journey. And I'd love DD to have siblings as a child and an adult. I just hope that in time I'll feel more positive, stronger and ready to take that leap of faith. :wv

Allure, to answer your specific question, yes I worry that other siblings will pass her out and how hard that will be for her, for them and for us. But I think we would be prepared for that and find ways to minimise the upset caused to all.
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Re: expanding your family

Postby Allure » Fri Oct 01, 2022 5:15 pm

tilsun
i've pm'd you


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Re: expanding your family

Postby Dairy Queen » Fri Jan 07, 2022 9:08 pm

DS wasn't diagnosed till 14 months and DD was already on the way. She is fine and does not suffer from the same thing as DS. I started to wonder then could I cope with another special needs child? Could I cope with a child with even more acute needs? I posted about it here.
However as they have grown up we have decided that more kids is not feasible. I would love love more babies but DS needs so much extra time and patience that it is unfair even as it is on DD. DS was in and out of Temple St a lot in Sep/ Oct/ Nov and poor DD was passed from pillar to post. This was really really hard for me as I am a SAHM and I never leave the kids. Then when DS was recovering at home we had to deal with a lot of fallout from all the medical intervention. Like him too afraid to sleep etc.

I hope it's not comign accross as negative but it's how we see it. On the other hand DH's aunt has 5 kids, the 4th in line has downs and she copes fine. There is a tiny age gap between them both too
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