Supportive Bridesmaids!!!!!!

by **bridezilla0602** » Mon Feb 06, 2022 9:58 pm

I have found myself in a dilemma and having no where else to turn ,I was advised to come to this forum , as a friend of mine found it very helpful in the run up to her wedding. Basically I have two bridesmaids for my upcoming wedding in 5 months and at this stage I feel that I could do without there negativity. It all started with the bridesmaid dresses , as my wedding has a themed colour , I purchased the bridesmaid dresses and believed my bridesmaids would absolutely love them , however this is not the case and the tension has become unbearable. It has gone to the stage that I am beginning to view my bridesmaids in a different light. Everything is an issue from the venue , to the colour scheme and the latest problem they have is the room prices. I really want them to be happy for me but as it stands I am starting to believe that they may be jealous of me??? Could this infact be the case , ADVICE NEEDED PLEASE!!!!

Nobigdress · by **Nobigdress** » Tue Feb 07, 2022 9:18 am

They are probably just being a bit awkward and maybe don't realise what their job is. Take a step back and a deep breath. Firstly, the dress colour. I think you need to get together with them and apologise for putting them in a colour they dont like but tell them that it means a lot to you for them to help you make your wedding look like you want it to look. This is a bm's job and sometimes they just have to suck it up. I know one of my 4 bm's doesnt like the colour I have her in, I think she will look fab, but feel bad that she doesnt really like it. HOWEVER she told me she would wear anything I asked and I appreciate that, and no more has been said about it. I hope she feels good on the day.

Also you need to tell them that once you have decided on things, like venue etc, you don't want or need to hear anything negative about it. If you ask for their opinion before things are booked, its okay for them to be honest but just ask them straight out not to comment negatively once things are booked because it upsets you. They can't be stupid enough not to understand that and probably would be embarrased to realise how they are upsetting you.

Finally the venue cost. It is a bit unfair to put cost on your guests that they are uncomfortable with, bm or not. Can you find some b&b's nearby to suggest to them so that at least then they can make their own decisions about where they stay to suit their own budget? I guarantee that in the end they will want to stay with you, in the venue but you need to let them make their own decision about that because it is their money being spent (unless you are willing to pay for their accomodation or suppliment the cost a bit).

Hope that helps.

Finicky Fi · by **Finicky Fi** » Tue Feb 07, 2022 9:38 am

Did you buy dresses without any input from them?
If so, I think that's very inconsiderate and i don't blame them for being pissed off.
You started off on the wrong foot.

by **lilmissnaughty** » Tue Feb 07, 2022 10:37 am

To be honest you really haven't given enough information to make a proper judgement, but, the word jealousy in thrown around way too much, in my opinion, and I doubt very much it is true, why would they be jealous of you?

I agree with Finicky Fi on the dresses, you probably started off on the wrong footing there, your bm's are not children, yes it's your wedding but you cannot expect someone to wear a dress you like without having any input, not so much in the colour but in the style, although the colour is a consideration. I think those days are well gone to be honest.

The venue, this has nothing to do with them, you choose the venue you are happy with it.

The cost of the rooms - are you putting pressure on them to stay? How expensive is it? Is it a venue that really they have no choice but to stay in it? This is hard to judge because there are so many variables, if it is super expensive with nowhere else nearby and you are putting pressure on them to stay then they have every right to be pissed off.

Talk to them, they probably aren't jealous, are you sure your handling the situation right? The days of bm's being at your beck and call and bowing to the bride and gone, I hope your expectations aren't too high

by **Jawl** » Tue Feb 07, 2022 1:45 pm

I wouldn't blame them on the dress issue. I bought a BM dress on a whim and got my BM's to try it on. We had never discussed colour or styles but luckily they all loved it. Although I was definitely prepared to return it if all 3 weren't in agreement about it. As my motto was I wasn't going to make them wear something that made them feel anything less than 101% comfortable on the day.

If the rooms are too expensive then they don't need to stay. Unless of course you have booked a venue miles from anywhere. Have you given them ample notice to the wedding so that they can budget accordingly if they have to stay in a venue miles from anywhere?

by **CroB2B2011** » Wed Feb 08, 2022 8:22 am

lilmissnaughty wrote:To be honest you really haven't given enough information to make a proper judgement, but, the word jealousy in thrown around way too much, in my opinion, and I doubt very much it is true, why would they be jealous of you?

I agree with Finicky Fi on the dresses, you probably started off on the wrong footing there, your bm's are not children, yes it's your wedding but you cannot expect someone to wear a dress you like without having any input, not so much in the colour but in the style, although the colour is a consideration. I think those days are well gone to be honest.

The venue, this has nothing to do with them, you choose the venue you are happy with it.

The cost of the rooms - are you putting pressure on them to stay? How expensive is it? Is it a venue that really they have no choice but to stay in it? This is hard to judge because there are so many variables, if it is super expensive with nowhere else nearby and you are putting pressure on them to stay then they have every right to be pissed off.

Talk to them, they probably aren't jealous, are you sure your handling the situation right? The days of bm's being at your beck and call and bowing to the bride and gone, I hope your expectations aren't too high

This post says everything I was going to - of course they're not happy if you chose the dresses without them trying them on. I know I couldn't pick a dress for me that would look nice without trying it on, never mind someone else trying to do it! And they are allowed to be annoyed at the price of the hotel, weddings are expensive to attend.

As for the venue, they don't get a say in that. But maybe if the only option is to stay at the hotel (due to no local b&bs or cheaper hotels) then they don't like the venue because of that?

And I agree they're probably not jealous, just plain old annoyed!

by **stacy** » Mon Feb 27, 2022 7:18 pm

Hey yeah I agree with the girls I would never have bought BM dresses without their input on style /colour, although when I went shopping with my BMs I had a stress headache for about a week one of the girls was just so unheplfull O:|

moaning about nearly every dress refusing to come out of the changing room cause she didn't like the colour on her when it was the style I liked not the colour at all!
I'm getting married in September and having my hens in Spain in June was very reasonable price with flights and accom just over €200 and my longest friend and BM hasn't booked yet and I don't think she will come I'm well annoyed at her am I just being selfish or would u feel the same?

ghostchild2 · by **ghostchild2** » Thu Mar 01, 2022 5:20 pm

Sorry but I agree with the others, you started off on the wrong foot by simply buying the dresses without asking there opnion. It's one thing to decided on colour but another to decide on the style. I had that happen to me and while I grinned and bared it I felt self consious all day and couldn't wait to take it off.

by **yapyapyap** » Wed May 02, 2022 7:25 pm

Not saying you are right or wrong but I have done things a little different. I liked a particular colour....but it did look sugar on them..... so we compromised and chose a different colour, now they love the dresses and everyone is happy. Expensive to stay in the hotel we are having our reception in, but its far from where any of us live so I am paying for the night before and night of wedding. Not because am loaded, but because I could never put them to that expense, always knew I would do it, and I took it into accout with the budget. It is going to be their present for being my bridesmaids.
Hen was cheap as chips, also because its a bleedin recession and everyone has better things to spend their money on.

corkiegirl · by **corkiegirl** » Wed May 02, 2022 7:43 pm

I don't think I have enough information to comment whether they are sounding selfish etc but I once had to wear a bridesmaids dress that I was veeeery uncomfortable in. It was strapless and I was plus size and never even went anywhere without a cardigan so to be faced with a strapless dress was horrendous for me. She said we couldn't have shawls, pashminas etc as it would ruin the look (I think she was trying to save money... although I would have bought my own!!) I didn't complain as there were four other bridesmaids and I told myself not to be selfish and cause a scene but I felt rubbish all day! I was wearing boob tape to try to hold my dignity in but I spent most of they day pulling up the dress up. I look at the photos now and still cringe, years later. I have never worn a strapless dress since!!

by **Baby H** » Wed May 02, 2022 8:23 pm

I dont agree that you started off on the wrong foot buying the dresses you like.

I did this.

But I just made sure to buy a style that suited everyones shape. I put a hell of a lot of work into that part. As for the colour - it was my choice completely and I didnt want their input!

I was paying through the nose for them, so the decision was mine. All girls loved their dresses and it suited them all to a tee!

If the dresses you chose dont suit their shape or figure, then I could see how they would be annoyed.

:o)ll

niftythrifty · by **niftythrifty** » Thu May 03, 2022 8:24 am

I think maybe everyone is being a little hard on the OP.
I can understand why you might have gotten dresses without the bridesmaids. It can be mega stressful trying to sort bridesmaids dresses with everyone present as there can be too many opinions. I think if you explain to them how much these dresses mean to you and how you were trying to save them the hassle and expense of searching for them, they might understand. If they still don't like them, is there a way they can be altered to make them more to their liking e.g. adding or removing straps or a sash?

Donnachain · by **Donnachain** » Thu May 03, 2022 12:36 pm

I didnt ask for my bmaids input when i bought their dresses just like I wasnt asked when i was bmaid twice for them. It's the brides day and if they were supportive bmaids then they should just wear what she picks. As long as the brides not a witch and purposefully picks a horrible dress to make them look crap haha

Finicky Fi · by **Finicky Fi** » Sun May 06, 2022 10:31 pm

Just wondering if the brides who bought dresses for their bridesmaids without discussing it with them have ever been bridesmaids?!

Claddagh1981 · by **Claddagh1981** » Mon May 07, 2022 4:26 am

They can always change out of the dresses after dinner, before the dancing if they dont like them that much.

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