Apologies in advance for this rant. I really just need to vent and rarely come online to do so.
One of my work colleague is driving me demented at the moment. She is a loud mouthed, very opinionated, two-faced wagon who I often fall out with because she is always setting out to wind me up, which she readily admits.
It doesn't matter whether I'm having a good or a bad day - as far as she's concerned I'm fair game to make fun of in front of our whole team. She can't be ignored because she literally goes right up to my face to say things or prods/pokes me, screams, sings etc etc and unfortunately sits right beside me. My boss sits in the room with us and she's useless because she wants everyone to like her, so won't rock the boat.
This annoying colleague has her bad days like anyone but woe betide you do anything / say anything to annoy her. The last time I did something (definately not purposefully) she blew up and hasn't spoken to me since - that was two weeks ago. There is a horrible tension in the air but at least I get some peace and quiet to do my work as she doesn't associate with me now.
This can't work long term as we are all part of a team. We've fallen out before and it's always had to be me that had to break the ice and sort it out. I was going to do this last week but circumstances didn't allow (long story) so I just left it. I know that she's chewing the ears off my other colleagues whilst out on her smoke breaks and probably doing her best to turn them against me but I don't bunny about her. I'm hoping that eventually they'll tire of listening to her and realise that something's amiss because I haven't been talking behind her back.
She's such a loud force in the office and domineers every conversation. She is incredibly nosy as well which has been my main bone of contention with her in the past. I have been with this company far longer than her but I feel socially isolated at the moment and don't have anyone I can confide in, in the workplace. Anyone I was close to, took redundancy and left. She swans around, best mates with everyone but I can say firsthand that she bitches about them too because I've heard it all straight from the horse's mouth.

So there you go- I'm just feeling crappy about the whole thing.
Thanksfor reading

No advice for you, but I can imagine how awful your situation is We spend so much of our day in work thats its hard not to let something like this get you down! I think you are doing the right thing by not talking about that bunny behind her back like she is doing about everyone else. And I also don't think its your place to make peace with everyone in the office either! You have a boss who isn't doing her job properly if she lets this get out of hand. If things don't improve soon then maybe a quiet word in her ear?

Grey Alien wrote:She can't be ignored because she literally goes right up to my face to say things or prods/pokes me, screams, sings etc etc and unfortunately sits right beside me. My boss sits in the room with us and she's useless because she wants everyone to like her, so won't rock the boat.

This is a form of bullying and your boss should be doing something about it.

Bullying is defined as repeated inappropriate beheaviour, direct or indirect, whether verbal, physical or otherwise, conducted by one or more persons against another or others, at the place of work or in the course of employment, which could reasonably be regarded as undermining the individual's right to dignity at work.

Don't let this situation get to you - she is a bully and your boss should be sorting this - it is not your boss's job to be friends with everyone - she should be doing her job. The Safety, Health and Welfare at Work Act, 2005 sets out the definition for Bullying - no harm to quote this to your boss.

Hiya Pink Martini,

Thanks a mil for your advice. Unfortunately from past experience, it wouldn’t work going to my boss as she is completely inept at dealing with these situations. I suppose the only thing I can do is actually have a word (for the 50th time) with my colleague if things don’t improve. As you said, it is tough being an environment like this for 8 hours or more 5 days a week. I’m hoping the bad cloud will just pass.
Thanks for reading and replying – just to know that someone objective understands is a relief. Hope all is well with you

Oh I hope things improve for you, as someone said we spend 40 hrs a week at work so to be with someone you don't get on with is really tough.
I feel your pain I've a similar colleague.

Grey Alien wrote:Hiya Pink Martini,

Thanks a mil for your advice. Unfortunately from past experience, it wouldn’t work going to my boss as she is completely inept at dealing with these situations. I suppose the only thing I can do is actually have a word (for the 50th time) with my colleague if things don’t improve. As you said, it is tough being an environment like this for 8 hours or more 5 days a week. I’m hoping the bad cloud will just pass.
Thanks for reading and replying – just to know that someone objective understands is a relief. Hope all is well with you

Sorry but that is unacceptable, she is your boss, it is her job. As another poster said, this is bullying and you should not have to put up with it. Do you have a HR department? Is there someone over your 'boss' head you could approach? If not, you have to talk to your boss and insist she handles the situation. It makes me so angry reading things like this, who does this woman think she is and where does she think she is, behaving in this manner, it's not the school playground, someone needs to remind her you are all supposed to be professional and at the very least, courteous to each other, in a work environment!!

I feel very sorry for you. That is an awful situation to find yourself in. Is there someone more senior to your direct boss that you could go to and speak with.

I work in H.R. and sometimes it is more about the way you say something as opposed to what you say. e.g. if you say 'I feel very stressed and anxious about coming into work on a daily basis. I am finding this hard to deal with as I feel there is no proper support structure in place here. This is really starting to impact my personal life' saying this against 'I am finding it hard dealing with her and her behaviour' takes the emphasis off of her and makes it all about how you are feeling and how it is impacting you. Not looking like an attack on her and you are not saying that what she is doing is wrong (which it totally is by the way) you are just saying as a member of staff your working environment is not acceptable. This way it cannot be viewed as a clash of personalities but as a genuine issue that is getting to you. Employers are legally obliged to provide as safe a working environment as possible for all staff and this includes any mental stresses as well as physical ones.

Hope this helps

Reading this made my blood boil

There must be someone else higher up than your boss who can try sort this out for you. You should not have to deal with this day after day. I really hope you can get it sorted

Grey Alien wrote:Hiya Pink Martini,

Thanks a mil for your advice. Unfortunately from past experience, it wouldn’t work going to my boss as she is completely inept at dealing with these situations. I suppose the only thing I can do is actually have a word (for the 50th time) with my colleague if things don’t improve. As you said, it is tough being an environment like this for 8 hours or more 5 days a week. I’m hoping the bad cloud will just pass.
Thanks for reading and replying – just to know that someone objective understands is a relief. Hope all is well with you

Please don't do this! I really think you should listen to some of the advice given here! Your boss is being paid a certain salary because of the responsibilities she has! And she has to step up to the job! Do you get sick pay? Might be worth taking a day off sick and tell her the reason is that you feel sick with worry because of everything happening in the office. And if you really don't want to say anything to her you have to tell someone in the organisation! Sorry I don't have any good advice, just sympathy for what you have to put up with!

Thank you everyone for your wonderful support.
At the moment I am just taking every day as it comes. I've changed my mindset slightly to get through it and am trying to enjoy the peace and quiet that her not speaking to me, brings. I can actually get on with my work. I dismiss any paranoid thoughts of others being turned against me although I am sure it has definately happened (some recent incidents). As far as I'm concerned if they are prepared to listen to and believe her drivel, more fool them.
Should the situation escalate or bring me down further then I will have a chat with my manager.
The HR lady by the way, is absolutely useless. She's very unprofessional and no one in the company trusts her.
As I said I'm going to play this by ear, day by day, but I refuse to be walked over and made to feel like this. Sometimes you can't change others, as they say, only your reactions to them whether that be mentally or physically.
Thanks again everyone and despite what you may think, I have taken everything you've all said on board

I don't really have any advice for you either except to say that if you can keep your dignity and don't rise (or sink, perhaps) to her cr@ppy level, you will be the better one. I had a workmate in a previous job shout and roar at me in a tirade over some stuff I didn't do and when I glanced around I noticed that everyone else in our (open plan) section carried on as if no-one was roaring. Even my two supervisors were busying themselves! That frightened me as I thought she was going to hit me and that they would all pretend that nothing had happened. The final straw for me was when my boyfriend at the time (in the same building) phoned I could barely speak so I said I'd talk later. Shouty cnut and the weaklings cleared off to coffee break. I didn't because I'd have to sit at the same table as my tormentor and I was prepared to die of thirst before doing that. When they returned she had the nerve to ask "did you not go to break?" as though the event never happened. Thankfully I was due to leave for another job shortly after but when some of the weaklings met me for lunch during my first week in the new job not one of them asked how did I keep my composure. And it was hard not get upset but I knew that if I so much as shed one tear it would be like a mad dog smelling blood and moving in for the kill. I imagine she's still gtting up to that kind of behaviour but perhaps her negative equity mortgage is keeping her from repeating her treatment of me on someone else. Her organisation has no difficulty with disciplinary procedures. Sorry to be of so little help but trust me, I reckon that your tormentor's behaviour is not going unnoticed and at some stage she will get her comeuppance - karma and all that.

If you lodge a written complaint, they cant ignore it.

How about calling NERA for some advice? They are wonderful http://www.employmentrights.ie/en/

Hi ladies, I've been meaning to update this for a while but haven't had a chance until now. I'll try to keep it short.
About three weeks ago, I decided to take the bull by the horns (so to speak ) and one lunchtime when there was no one in the office I spoke to her about this. I told her that I noticed there was a bad atmos between us but that we had to work together so I was willing to put any petty arguments we had behind us and move on . Straight away she said that she thought we needed to sit down and talk about this further. I was surprised because I thought to myself, what could I possibly have done that she actually has to 'discuss' it with me. Anyway, we agreed to meet later that day.
At our meeting she gave examples of why she had a problem with me. No word of a lie but I was so shocked at the childish examples that she gave. Simple things like, I didn't say hello to her every morning (as far as I'm aware I always have but we wear headphones when we're working so I may be locked in a world of my own), she said I 'gave her a look' one day when she walked into the office, and when we were working on something together where it was my job to give her direction, she said I was behaving as if i was the big 'I AM' -( when it was clear to me and a third party that I was only doing my job.) These were the rich examples she gave me which justified to her, why she should be so horrible to me. I was baffled to say the least. I think she was a bit taken aback when I managed to shoot down her little examples and remind her of the things she had been putting me through. I tried to be the bigger person by apologising for not saying hello in the mornings if I didn't etc etc Not once when I shared my greviances which were valid did she acknowledge or apologise so I really had to push her to show her this. We spoke about respecting each other's boundaries going forward etc
At the end of the conversation, I really thought we had put our differences aside and even became a little emotional, opening up to her about something personal (which I now regret, the releasing of emotion, not the problem).
We got back to the office and I was so relieved going home that night. It was a weight lifted off my shoulders.
Shortly after this, we all had our reviews in work. My boss asked me why I hadn't been myself in the office in the last while and although I hadn't planned to, i opened up a little and told her about the difficulties I'd be having with this other girl. She hadn't noticed the tension between us but did notice that I was more like a shrinking violet these days. She said that she doesn't want anyone in the office to feel uncomfortable in their working environment and that she knows this girl can be very childish. She suggested that I think about having a meeting with herself, HR and this girl. Straight away I said thanks but no thanks, I didn't want to go down such a drastic route. I explained that I'd already had a chat with this girl and that it looked like things were going to change for the better, so we left it at that.
However, since then things have only worsened this girl just completely ignores me now. I have tried so hard to make sure that I say hello every morning, I have asked her how her weekend has gone and try to crack jokes to break the ice. Sometimes when she responded, i thought, that went well, and that maybe it was just my paranoia but I swear that if i don't utter a word to her then days can go by when she won't say anything to me. She never stikes up a conversation and when I say anything the response is generally short and cold. She has even blanked me in the corridor. We sit right beside each other for God's sake!!
I'm so angry with her now that I stopped making an effort in the last week. I feel sick with sadness over this and so confused as to why I could be seen to be so horrible that she treats me like I don't exist. I've tried telling myself that I don't care, but I really do. I don't know how she can be so cold about this.
I'm certain that our boss, did not say anything to her about the chat we had in my review.
It's crossed my mind to confront her again or even say it to my boss and have her haul us both out 'unbeknownst to me' for a chat about the atmos in the office to get things moving.However, I'm afraid that I will be seen as the problem in my boss's eyes because I'm pretty certain that this girl has said nothing to our boss about all this.
Sorry, it did turn out to be long in the end. Any suggestions? I really don't want to involve HR. if my dept get wind of this, I don't think they'll trust me anymore. I imagine people treat you like a leper if you throw fellow colleagues to the lions as such.

Thanks everyone who has taken the time to read this.
Any examples you have of how you dealt with difficult colleagues are most welcome x

This sounds rotten, and I am sorry that I don't really have any great advice to give. Just one thing I wonder-did the boss give any hint or say something to the other girl which would have led her to believe that you had said something about her, in the course of the conversation re your review? Would that explain why she is acting like this? It's a horrible situation, especially if you have to work side by side. Is there any possibility of moving? Obviously there is no point in you moving to another team/ area unless it is something you want/ or something that would be a good move career wise. I hope that things improve for you.

I'm kinda thinking your better off with her not talking to you. If it was me I would keep all my chat very professional, say Hi every morning and leave it at that unless you need to talk about work. It's obvious ye dont gel so I would keep her at arms length, if you were to get back friendly with her again the same old sh!t might start.

Otherwise you could have another word with your boss, just tell your boss that you have tried but XXXX seems to still have a bit of a problem with you and that frankly your not going to get involved in such childish behaviour in the work place.

I know it annoys you the way she is acting, but ask yourself, do you want this woman as a friend?? If not just keep her at arms length and get on with your work, dont rise to her childish behaviour and she will soon get the hint. Bets are she will start being a bit nicer to you if she see's you just getting on with your work and not really worrying about her trouble making!!!

Good luck, I know from experience how hard it can be to work with an annoying a hole