Fiance didn't come home last night!

CC2b2012 · by **CC2b2012** » Mon Apr 02, 2022 8:48 am

Gasher26 wrote:Girls, before the poor op is lynched by u all, why not just suggest she asks him outright?? I understand the anger some of u say u feel on her behalf but put urself in her situation for a min. She comes on to rant, and suddenly her fiancé is spending the night with another woman!! Maybe he was, and maybe he wasn't, but it's unfair of u all to come on and it to her as fact when ur not sure! U don't know either of them! Imagine how u would feel if lots of virtual strangers were telling u these things!!

Look, I agree, give him hell but don't immediately assume the worst!! Sometimes people do very stupid things! Let us know how u get on.

Why thank you Gasher26!

Ladies, thanks very much for all the informative comments. Call me a fool if you like, but I do trust him completely. We've been together a long time and I know him. I did write the post when I was rightly p*ssed off with him and so painted him in a bad light. As I said it has happened before, just once. I know he's taken me for granted, and he knows it too. I've told him straight out that it is unacceptable. He knows it and it won't happen again. Relationships are hard, sometimes we both take each other for granted but I'm not going to throw it all away when he does something stupid!
Is he off with some other woman? No. You really shouldn't assume the worst of people.
Myself and H2B have sorted this issue out between us without either of us needing A&E. We've already put it behind us. Thanks for the outrage on my behalf, or should that be at me?!
I will be thinking twice about coming here to let off steam in the future.... somehow I ended up being told he's clearly screwing around and being offended and made to feel even worse to be honest. Think I'll keep my personal problems just that, personal.

lolabelle · by **lolabelle** » Mon Apr 02, 2022 9:10 am

CC2b2012 wrote:I will be thinking twice about coming here to let off steam in the future.... somehow I ended up being told he's clearly screwing around and being offended and made to feel even worse to be honest. Think I'll keep my personal problems just that, personal.

That's probably for the best if you don't want the opinions of others. However I would say to you that, from experience of an ex being exactly like you describe, maybe you should listen to what the girls are saying. Stayed up to watch the sun rise with a friend?? Like my ex with his "my friend gave me this hickey because he thought it would be funny ......"

Gasher26 · by **Gasher26** » Mon Apr 02, 2022 9:34 am

She didn't ask for anyones opinion on his behaviour - she was just venting!

She only asked if she should leave the house so he would come home to an empty house.

Anyway, it doesn't matter now, i wouldn't be posting here to 'let off steam' - i.e not asking your opinion...! it's seems the old WOL lynch mobs are out in force again and don't dare disagree with them.

lolabelle · by **lolabelle** » Mon Apr 02, 2022 9:45 am

Gasher26 wrote:She didn't ask for anyones opinion on his behaviour - she was just venting!

She only asked if she should leave the house so he would come home to an empty house.

Anyway, it doesn't matter now, i wouldn't be posting here to 'let off steam' - i.e not asking your opinion...! it's seems the old WOL lynch mobs are out in force again and don't dare disagree with them.

She didn't say that she didn't want opinions ... you yourself are the one "lynching" because we dared give our 2 cents. You can't win on this forum ... whether you say something or don't it's always going to rub someone up the wrong way .. if nobody replied there would be someone on giving out about all the view but no replies.

CC2b2012 · by **CC2b2012** » Mon Apr 02, 2022 10:24 am

Lolabelle - of course you are entitled to give your opinion/advice/two cents. It's a public forum after all. I did post it here to vent though rather than look for relationship advice. If I wanted that I would have gone to "Relationships". I know you just want to help and give me your advice as you say you've had an ex who was similar. I'm sure you're better off now. I described one day of our relationship not the whole 8 years so I don't know if my h2b is in the same boat or not.

I would expect other posters to respect my right to take or leave the advice/opinions given. I haven't tried to offend anyone and I really feel like I now have to defend myself for my actions as opposed to getting some support when my h2b was clearly an ass to me. The issue has been resolved in reality so there's no need for it to be drawn out in the virtual world.

FastLane · by **FastLane** » Mon Apr 02, 2022 11:43 am

Hi CC2b,

Just wanted to say hope you're ok and I can well imagine that you felt worse after some of the messages here. I've recently posted about a difficult situation and thankfully got some really lovely and supportive messages from other wollies and know how reassuring it can be, but tbh was expecting some "cop on and dump him" messages too, which seem to pop up a lot.

I know that your situation is resolved now and hopefully it won't happen again, but just wanted to add my two cents.. A friend that works with my OH is married with a 2 year old and now a 3 week old baby. He absolutely loves his wife and adores his babies, but frequently goes out and drinks quite heavily, sometimes without letting his wife now where he is or what time he'll be home. He recently drank to the extent of passing out on a friend's sofa and stayed the night there, sleeping it off. His wife nearly killed him the next day, she was at home heavily pregnant with a toddler. I hope this has taught him a lesson, but basically no matter how insensitive his behaviour, he would NEVER cheat on her, and I suppose just wants to be irresponsible now and then.

Now I'm NOT saying I agree with his behaviour, in fact I've sometimes texted his wife myself just to let her know where he is when I know he hasn't done it.. BUT, in terms of their relationship, he is on "innocent" drinking sessions, not screwing around behind her back.

Anyway, sorry for long post but hope things back to normal in your house now!

boodlesdoodles · by **boodlesdoodles** » Mon Apr 02, 2022 11:44 am

SandyClaws · by **SandyClaws** » Mon Apr 02, 2022 1:10 pm

Seriously ??? Good god if dh did that he would actually want to be in hospital because there are no other reasons as to why he couldn't get in contact with me. Watching a sunrise?? Seriously??!!!!

cupcakebabe · by **cupcakebabe** » Mon Apr 02, 2022 5:11 pm

mammy2011 wrote:He stayed out from a night out until the afternoon, didn't contact you? Then walked past you and into the house. I'm sorry to sound harsh but WTF??
If it was me i would find it hard to believe that he wasn't up to something else.

I trust my dh100% but if he did this alarm bells would def be ringing!

GizzyWhizzy · by **GizzyWhizzy** » Mon Apr 02, 2022 5:20 pm

[quote="SandyClaws"]

I just love that picture... !! I only heard the Ch on a bike" saying recently!!!

SandyClaws · by **SandyClaws** » Mon Apr 02, 2022 5:53 pm

How bout this one?!

boodlesdoodles · by **boodlesdoodles** » Mon Apr 02, 2022 6:22 pm

SandyClaws wrote:

How bout this one?!

And during Lent aswell??!! :eek

candlequeen · by **candlequeen** » Mon Apr 02, 2022 8:55 pm

Mother of God. OP you can't expect to start with an opening post like that and then spit at people for assuming the worst. You made us assume the worst.

Before you jump to conclusions - I HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS.

In my case, do you know where he was all night? Passed out in the house of a lad he worked with after drinking with him and his sister all night. To this day there are still people who saw him coming out of that house the following day and assume that he slept with the sister. All I had was his word, and I chose to believe him because frankly, I know what he's like when he's drunk (ie comatose), and he's not that good of a liar. I went DEMENTED. Cried, shouted, ranted - I certainly would not let him away with sauntering in whenever he bloody well felt like it expecting a nice peaceful evening of sleep. I moved out for a week, with our baby, and told him to make his choice - drinking sessions with the lads or a few pints and home to his family.

It didn't take the week to choose. We ended up having an all-night heart-to-heart and discovered that both of us were feeling a little bit like we were stuck in a rut and that we both needed to make more of an effort. That was 6 years ago and it hasn't happened since. That was also the night that we promised each other that we would never let things fester. Wake up, OP, he's taking the p!ss big time and if you thought anything of yourself or your kids you'd give him a bloody eating instead of giving out about him here and then defending him when people ask legitimate questions.

And personally, this one's my favourite:

April13 · by **April13** » Mon Apr 02, 2022 9:20 pm

Spare room for at least a week!!!!

DH2b done this alot b4 we got engaged...... i used to get soooo angry >:o(

soooooo i done it bk once and he stayed up all night waiting on me.....
he was really really upset when i got home at 9 the next morning, apparently he didnt realise how upsetting it was....

I done it in complete badness i had change of clothes in friends house 1mile away where i had planned on staying....

i felt great to get my own bk cuz my mind used to go ninety when he didnt cum home!!! :o(

But all good now!!!!

Littlebo · by **Littlebo** » Mon Apr 02, 2022 9:43 pm

Ah cmon now, there is no lynch Mob going on here at all.

I told the OP to be stern with him and I also told her my own personal views! I wasn't attacking her just aghast at how horrible and disrespectful her Oh was being to her and her children. I thought his behaviour was disgraceful and I still do.

OP I'm glad that you have worked everything already out with your Oh and maybe in future when you don't want any advice or reaction from anybody then just state so and we will all just leave you alone and won't show our concern.

My ex fiance often went on binges and stayed out all night. He would go months without doing anything wrong and then off he'd go again. Sometimes he wouldn't come home all night or the next day and I would be driven to distraction worrying and distraught. I was young and niave and in another country well away from most of my family and friends and for a long while I believed him and believed he would change. After a very lengthy time I found he had indeed been cheating on me and all those stupid excuses where in fact one big lie. Sometimes he was out drinking with the lads and other times he was gone home with some "wan".
I finally woke up and got away from him as fast as I could. Even though heartbroken and at my lowest in my life I decided I would never be fooled like this again. I came home and eventually got myself together.

I'm not saying that your OH is doing this and you are entitled to believe what ever you want and it may well be true. But if you reread your post and put yourself as the outsider reading it surely you can understand why we voiced our anger at his behaviour towards you and indeed our concern?

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