Just need to vent about guest list

CarolinaMoon · by **CarolinaMoon** » Tue Apr 17, 2022 1:32 pm

I just need a rant girls in hopes that I calm down a bit before I say anything to anyone I shouldn't :-8

Ok so we planned in inviting 150 people but were flexible enough about this you know? We are getting married at my home place in Cork and there would be a lot of people invited from the North and London so I wanted to get the invites out early - like the end of February infact.

So I started getting addresses together and started asking the MIL2B for a list - this took about 3 months to get the list. And once I got it there were another few to add and another few.......Meantime my lot gave me theirs straight away no bother. Ok so the invites went out a few weeks ago - about a month later than planned but they are out. FIL2B calls OH - MIL2B had invites her friends etc but none of his.....and he wanted his added but we weren't to tell her - not a great relationship there. So now we barely had enough extra invites and the guest list is nearly 200 and I am having a freak out about costs.

Meantime I had phoned the hotel a few weeks ago and discovered that BIL - OH's brother - had booked his PILs into the hotel. They are not invited. Infact I have never met them and OH met them once at the brother's wedding. However they are due a baby in June so I assumed (wrongly) that they were just bringing them to look after the baby - but BIL phoned OH last week and said he wanted them invited and if they couldn't go then his wife couldn't go and so he wouldn't go...........He is groomsman so we kind of feel over a barrel here and I am f**king raging. I was actually shaking with temper with OH told me. The cheeky f**ker booked the rooms two weeks before he "asked". OH said he woud need to check with me but really what choice have we? He is the type to refuse to talk to OH for a year or so for this - fine by me btw but not for OH. OH has texted him said it should be ok but that we have asked too many and need to see what the figures are. But in reality they will have to come and we know it - we also reckons its because the wife suspects that BIL will be on the top table and so she wants her parents to sit with her.........

Overall I am mad mad mad but the BIL situation seems to be bugging me most and I think its because of the cheek of him and the wife threatening not to come if they don't get their own way >:o(

Ok I still don't feel better.

morningsun · by **morningsun** » Tue Apr 17, 2022 1:52 pm

Oh my god I cannot fathom how people who are supposed to love and care about you (well your BIL should care about his brother) make people feel like this, refusing to come over something like that?? Crazy the whole situation is ridiculous and it is making me mad even reading about it!
BTW I am inviting my sister’s parents in law but I know them really well and meet them a lot. My FPIL know my sister’s PIL which shows how well we all know each and get on so I couldn’t have not invited them (and I actually wanted to invite them) but in your situation it’s ridiculous considering you don’t know them.

On a side note it always amazes me that people want to go to someone’s wedding that they don’t know – why would you? I love weddings but only cause I want to share my friend’s special day not because I am getting a free dinner!!

CarolinaMoon · by **CarolinaMoon** » Tue Apr 17, 2022 2:00 pm

Thanks morningsun, glad I am not the only one thinking this is off. I feel so sorry for my OH on this as well because its his brother you know?

If we knew them and liked them then that would be different but we don't! Infact I have only met the SIL a couple of times and we would not be friendly. The PILs are being invited for her, not because they actually want to even come themselves. I had assumed that they would be in the hotel with the baby. It bugs me that they will be at the church etc. I am not one of those brides that wants to know EVERYONE there on the day - I won't because I haven't met a lot of OH's family and friends of his parents and thats fine. If they are people that we or our parents want there thats cool - but people we wouldn't have invited....just so that your girl doesn't have to make conversation at the dinner with the rest of the family..... >:o(

highbeam · by **highbeam** » Tue Apr 17, 2022 2:12 pm

As I read this I presumed they were staying to mind the baby, but Oh My God, demanding an invite to the wedding for them is crazy. What do people be thinking? I am always amazed by how families start making demands on couples. Like I wouldn't turn up to someone elses birthday party with a load of strangers in tow, why do they think its ok to do it at a wedding. Carolina I would be inclined to tell them no. I know its very difficult. Is there anyone that can talk to them and make them see how unreasonable they are being, say they are welcome to join in for the afters. I presume seeing as you SIL is family she will know other people at the wedding? Not that it makes its ok if she doesn't.

morningsun · by **morningsun** » Tue Apr 17, 2022 2:13 pm

CarolinaMoon wrote:If we so that your girl doesn't have to make conversation at the dinner with the rest of the family.....

love this such a nordie phrase, a friend of mine from Fermanagh always says this, she is away travelling so nice to be reminded of her

ya that doesn’t make sense at all, she should be comfortable enough to be able to sit with the family for 2 OR 3 FECKING HOURS!!!!!!! We are getting the same crap from some people (bit like school really) and I am like suck it up!! But I actually did say suck it up cos I was getting of things, they were fine though didn’t take (too much) offence :yelrotflmaosmilie:

poor you it is really annoying, I have no advice for you just sympathy!

Mustang Sally · by **Mustang Sally** » Tue Apr 17, 2022 3:14 pm

That's outrageous! I'd tell them to RAM it! >:o(

Well, I wouldn't like really :-8

but I'd like to!

CarolinaMoon · by **CarolinaMoon** » Tue Apr 17, 2022 3:16 pm

highbeam wrote:As I read this I presumed they were staying to mind the baby, but Oh My God, demanding an invite to the wedding for them is crazy. What do people be thinking? I am always amazed by how families start making demands on couples. Like I wouldn't turn up to someone elses birthday party with a load of strangers in tow, why do they think its ok to do it at a wedding. Carolina I would be inclined to tell them no. I know its very difficult. Is there anyone that can talk to them and make them see how unreasonable they are being, say they are welcome to join in for the afters. I presume seeing as you SIL is family she will know other people at the wedding? Not that it makes its ok if she doesn't.

I would love to say no but I know there would be a massive row and BIL won't come to the wedding (fine by me btw but it would cause ructions). No point in asking MIL2B to talk to them as BIL hasn't spoken to her for 6 months because of something she suposedly said to sil.......SIL won't want to sit with any of the family either and at this stage OH reckons no one deserves to have her with them either.....

CarolinaMoon · by **CarolinaMoon** » Tue Apr 17, 2022 3:17 pm

morningsun wrote:
CarolinaMoon wrote:If we so that your girl doesn't have to make conversation at the dinner with the rest of the family.....

love this such a nordie phrase, a friend of mine from Fermanagh always says this, she is away travelling so nice to be reminded of her

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! They are converting me! :duh:

Mari yay · by **Mari yay** » Tue Apr 17, 2022 3:19 pm

I actually can't even believe someone would do that, I can't even think what to say to you. If it was me I'd be telling BIL where to go to be honest. Then I have a track record of that, and my SIL and BIL were not at the wedding. :o0

highbeam · by **highbeam** » Tue Apr 17, 2022 3:29 pm

CarolinaMoon wrote:
highbeam wrote:As I read this I presumed they were staying to mind the baby, but Oh My God, demanding an invite to the wedding for them is crazy. What do people be thinking? I am always amazed by how families start making demands on couples. Like I wouldn't turn up to someone elses birthday party with a load of strangers in tow, why do they think its ok to do it at a wedding. Carolina I would be inclined to tell them no. I know its very difficult. Is there anyone that can talk to them and make them see how unreasonable they are being, say they are welcome to join in for the afters. I presume seeing as you SIL is family she will know other people at the wedding? Not that it makes its ok if she doesn't.

I would love to say no but I know there would be a massive row and BIL won't come to the wedding (fine by me btw but it would cause ructions). No point in asking MIL2B to talk to them as BIL hasn't spoken to her for 6 months because of something she suposedly said to sil.......SIL won't want to sit with any of the family either and at this stage OH reckons no one deserves to have her with them either.....

Well if you feel like you really have no alternative but to invite them put them at a crappy table beside the loo or kitchen. With a few randomers, maybe someone who doesnt speak English :o0

. The Flip cheek. Sounds like SIL is a bit of a madame!

FrenchToast · by **FrenchToast** » Tue Apr 17, 2022 3:39 pm

God this is the bit I'm dreading. We have already got a list of both sets of parents and it was grand no more than we had thought but and this is a big BUT.
My FMIL has a past history here. Love her to pieces but if she did this to us I'd be raging. When the invites went out for BIL's wedding a few years ago. She took her invite tipexed out the names photocopied it and sent out more to her random friends, not even close. The Bride and Goom didn't know until the weddind day and met people coming out of the church that they didn't know and knew they hadn't invited. An extra table had to be set up at the hotel. Seriously WHF?
Why do families go mad about Guest lists, they had their day and just want to interfere and be awkward.
Try and stand up to them seriously! And get Oh to deal with it too, it's his family.

pixiechick · by **pixiechick** » Tue Apr 17, 2022 10:47 pm

I am shocked,thats awful and extremely cheeky to do that. Why not tell your DH to give the SIL parents an evening invite instead...teach him that marraige is all about compromise!

Ohnoshedidnt · by **Ohnoshedidnt** » Wed Apr 18, 2022 10:10 am

[\quote]Well if you feel like you really have no alternative but to invite them put them at a crappy table beside the loo or kitchen. With a few randomers, maybe someone who doesnt speak English :o0

. The Flip cheek. Sounds like SIL is a bit of a madame![/quote]

Was going to suggest the same thing :o0

Make the sil sit with all the family on her own and put her parents down back with a bunch of randomers.
When my sil got married, my mum came to the hotel just before dinner to collect my 2 kids (my daughter was flowergirl so had to be there for church) and all the family was like "tell her to come in for glass of champagne" but i was like no way, this your wedding day, you dont want my mum in here!! And they have met a good few times at christenings and kids parties etc... Point being- Why would she think its okay to bring her parents? Is she that childish that she cant survive a meal on with her in laws???
Bloody liberty :o0

queenie2008 · by **queenie2008** » Wed Apr 18, 2022 1:42 pm

I just can't understand why grown adults can't just make do for ONE day in their lives!

I was at a wedding before when I was sat at a table where I didn't know anyone and yeah the conversation strained after 20 minutes but big deal you get on with it not freak and demand company be supplied for you.

It's just a FEW hours fgs!

spaced2012 · by **spaced2012** » Wed Apr 18, 2022 10:19 pm

I am at a loss at what to say. that is the mind blown. wow.
:eek

never ending on this site with the crazy things happening out there.

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