Save the date...for an evening invite...grrrrrrr

JustJess · by **JustJess** » Thu Apr 19, 2022 5:18 pm

If it were me I wouldn't go. Even if it was in Ireland, a two hour drive or something. I still wouldn't go.

Have only been I invited to two afters and have refused both (both nearly two hours away)

Personally if I didn't get a full invite (unless it's a work thing with others going and close by) I wouldn't go. I just dont feel it's a wedding if I havent actually been to the wedding

I know brides are under pressure with numbers etc... But if I'm going to a wedding I want go to a wedding, not the afters.

We are just having a small (45) wedding and not having afters.

by **lovemybed** » Thu Apr 19, 2022 11:49 pm

awh saving the date for an evening invite in the UK is just so rude. no matter how stuck you are for numbers there are somethings that are not an option and thats one of them. Even relying on invitation declines is a rediculous move. overbooking by 10% is fine as a business decision for hoteliers or big airlines but doing it with a list of friends is terrible bad form. I certainly would be insulted and wouldnt want to go at all. we sent out 330 invited i never wanted near that much but theres no way id ever decide that sticking to the 250 i wanted is more important than hurting people's feelings. its one day so she needed to send 3 extra invites deal with it and sort it out after. they decided to have a wedding sent out save the dates. i feel it was too late after that. def go if you want to be there but dont feel presurized to attend. its good you sent them a full invitation i think.

MrsGilhooley · by **MrsGilhooley** » Fri Apr 20, 2022 12:06 am

lulu126 wrote:Apparently we can go to the church, drinks reception and then we have to go off and have a meal elsewhere and then come back for the party.

Am I overreacting? Would yous all be cross too?

I would be cross too, but is this a funny English thing with inviting people to come to everything except the meal? It's kinda like a halfway house between afters and full invite... I've never heard of this here but I was chatting about weddings with someone at work and she's had this sort of thing with most of her friends weddings

by **farawaybide** » Fri Apr 20, 2022 11:38 am

I would not expect any friend of mine to do what your friend is asking of you! If she really wants you there she would invite you to the whole day!! I actually can't believe she thinks its ok for you to go to the church, the drinks reception and then go off to get your own dinner-HA HA HA!

MrsGilhooley wrote:Apparently we can go to the church, drinks reception and then we have to go off and have a meal elsewhere and then come back for the party.

I fully understand numbers pressure but that is just plain ridiculous but whats worse is that she can't see it. I wouldn't go if I were you, I wouldn't fall out with her but I would politely let her know that it is too expensive to travel just for a few hours!!

by **babyblabber** » Sun Apr 22, 2022 9:18 am

i have to say, i never understand "afters" at weddings. you're either close enough to be a guest or not. we didn't do afters at all, i just thought i'd feel so rude asking people to entertain and feed themselves til 9/10pm before joining everyone who'd been at the whole wedding.

there is no way in hell i would travel to another country for an evening only invite, i don't even think i'd go to an evening wedding here, unless it was like 30 mins away or something. don't worry what the bride thinks, just RSVP that you can't go. she's still invited to your wedding so she'll feel way worse than you!

lulu126 · by **lulu126** » Mon Apr 23, 2022 1:21 pm

Thanks for all your replies :thnk

I gave it a fair looking into but I really can't justify the time or expense to go. Going to call her tomorrow and explain that the wedding's at a time when loads of my suppliers need paying and with flights, car hire, hotel (and meal ;o)

) I just don't have the spare cash at the moment. I spoke to the other girls and they understood too. Apparently the venue the bride chose is too small but then I think the lesson to be learned there is that she still shouldn't have told us to save the date. It's one thing to overbook a flight but definitely not a wedding venue!

MrsGilhooley wrote:
lulu126 wrote:Apparently we can go to the church, drinks reception and then we have to go off and have a meal elsewhere and then come back for the party.

Am I overreacting? Would yous all be cross too?

I would be cross too, but is this a funny English thing with inviting people to come to everything except the meal? It's kinda like a halfway house between afters and full invite... I've never heard of this here but I was chatting about weddings with someone at work and she's had this sort of thing with most of her friends weddings

Definitely don't think it's an English thing but I reckon it's probably a guilt thing to try and make people feel better that they didn't make the first invite cut! :o0

by **SGirl** » Sun Apr 29, 2022 9:18 pm

I really hope that you don't go to the wedding, I think it the height of bad manners to invite someone to fly from another country to come the afters of a wedding. I would be insulted. I don't care what the circumstances, there is no excuse for not inviting you to the whole thing. I am gobsmacked. This kinda crap used to happen me with one friend, it took me years to be up front with people, and now I just tell them politely the facts, i.e. I am not spending a fortune on flights, a present, an outfit and accomodation to go to the evening of your wedding. Send them a card!

micls · by **micls** » Mon Apr 30, 2022 5:19 am

That's incredibly rude. She should not have asked you to save the date if there wasn't a definite invite there. A save the date = an invite. You should not be hoping for people to drop out to fit people in!

Shocked at that tbh, how can someone think that's ok?

happieout · by **happieout** » Mon Apr 30, 2022 7:43 am

I'm glad you're not going, it's so rude, as if you'd ask someone to another country and amuse themselves for the day.

by **Marpat** » Thu May 03, 2022 11:37 am

babyblabber wrote:i have to say, i never understand "afters" at weddings. you're either close enough to be a guest or not. we didn't do afters at all, i just thought i'd feel so rude asking people to entertain and feed themselves til 9/10pm before joining everyone who'd been at the whole wedding.

I competely agree. I got married 9 years ago and my husband felt very strongly about this. He said we ask people we like and want to be there to the whole thing. We didn't have an afters as such. We had the buffet but nobody extra was in after the meal that wasn't there all day.

I've never been to an afters either.

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