What Do You Think Of This Idea??

brideorbridezilla · by **brideorbridezilla** » Sun Apr 29, 2022 12:03 pm

I love this idea. I wanted to do something a little bit different with my wedding and I just didn't think the two families would cope with the difference or understand so we have now decided to go abroad. I found that as soon as I was planning people were saying oh you have to have beef as turkey and ham looks cheap (me and OH don't really like beef)... oh you can't have a small wedding it's just not the Irish way etc... load of nonsence, Irish people need their eyes opened abit and their minds widened when it comes to weddings lol!! I watch that don't tell the bride and look at some of the things they did i.e. convert a barn in the back yard, If i converted my dad's barn I'm sure I would be the laughing stock of country lol

Wish I had the balls to do what you are doing, it sounds perfect... The day is completely about the two of you, enjoy every minute of it x

FutureMrsS · by **FutureMrsS** » Sun Apr 29, 2022 4:08 pm

Aww thanks brideorbridezilla! I agree about Irish people and weddings! For the most part we're still a country set in certain ways and breaking out from the norm is frowned upon! But I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter what people say as no doubt we'd get criticism one way or the other! I've always wanted a small intimate wedding in a big old country house with really pretty details... and that's exactly what we're doing! I'm lucky that oh loves the same things and thinks the idea is perfect for us! And at the end of the day I suppose the day is about us (I don't mean that in a completely self-absorbed way!) And that we should do something "us" for the day. And a elegant and beautiful tea reception followed by a romantic dinner à deux in arguably Ireland's best fine dining restaurant is definitely "us"! And I don't want to have to do something different because some people want a different style wedding for us!!!

FutureMrsS · by **FutureMrsS** » Sun Apr 29, 2022 9:33 pm

Sorry, bit of a rant there! I'm thrilled that at least some people on here think it could be nice though!!! :-) big relief!!

FutureMrsS · by **FutureMrsS** » Tue May 08, 2022 10:07 pm

*deleted*

november 2012 · by **november 2012** » Tue May 08, 2022 10:54 pm

To be honest if those were the types of comments I was receiving from in laws my response would be .... god may be your right in that case I think we ll rethink again ie - we only need 2 witnesses to get legally married & all that matters to us is we wake up that morning engaged & go to sleep married! so may be we wont even bother with that as we wouldnt want to put people out un nessacarily so think we ll have our ceremony & go for a fabulous meal with just our witnesses....!
The full blown shock of that mite just put it in to perspective...

I think your wedding sounds fab & I wish I d of had the bottle & imagination to do something like this... your wedding will be different & really personal so please hold in there & plenty of counting to ten!

fixibelle · by **fixibelle** » Wed May 09, 2022 4:08 am

Stick to your guns, missus! This sounds like an idyllic day - it's unique, and personal, and memorable. It's not about your in-laws or anyone else - it's about the two people who will be up there exchanging rings and vows. :xox

Me and the hubby to be are having a tiny do - 20 people, max. Immediate family and two best mates each. We'll be having a sit down meal in the early afternoon and we anticipate we'll have the whole thing wrapped up by 8pm... And have the evening to ourselves! We'll probably have a very informal, pub-based gathering of friends subsequently.

We haven't spread the word yet, and I know there will be disappointment on the part of some on my side in particular, but I'm ready to tell people to sod off - that we're doing it our way, end of. If necessary, I'll pull out the big guns ("it's our special day, and you're ruining it!"). Oops, another gun metaphor.

In short - their words and opinions don't matter. If they don' like it, then they shouldn't come. Stay true to yourselves and your vision of your perfect day. Sounds like lots of Wollies will be there in spirit, giving you support!

niftythrifty · by **niftythrifty** » Wed May 09, 2022 8:49 am

On Franc's DIY weddings on Sunday, he was saying how every bride wants their wedding to be "different" and "unique" but yet when asked about specifics, they want a traditional dress, a traditional venue, a traditional meal etc. So basically most brides want to follow tradition but somehow want their day to be "different".
I admire your courage in bucking the "traditional" trend and going with the afternoon tea theme. I think your wedding is going to be amazing! It sounds idyllic.
It's hard to deal with criticism from in laws but try to bite your tongue and use gentle persuasion. I know it's hard but try to keep them on side by not losing the cool. The plan must have been a bit of a shock but I'm sure they will get their heads around it

ciaraella · by **ciaraella** » Wed May 09, 2022 8:57 am

OP i admire you sticking by your guns about the kind of day you want but would there be any way to compromise a little on things that wouldn't affect the style of your day?
As in could you have some beer and wine available? To be honest the drinks mentioned wouldn't be my cup of tea (pardon the pun!).
And is a 2 hour drive an exaggeration by your in-laws? Can people stay over and have a meal at the venue after you've left or would they have a similar drive home?

FutureMrsS · by **FutureMrsS** » Wed May 09, 2022 9:12 am

November2012 I LOVE it!!! Wish I'd thought of it myself! :-D for some reason mil has a strange irrational jealousy of my parents so icing on the cake would be going to dinner with them! Wish I had the nerve! :-D

Fixibelle, your wedding sounds lovely! Its actually something we considered doing but due to the aforementioned jealousy on mil's behalf and disdain on my mums(she's furious about all the thing mil has said that have upset me!), it really would have been a recipe for disaster! But I'm sure it'll be lovely for you! Lucky thing! ;-)

Ciarella, there's a hotel about a ten minute drive away with very reasonable overnight rate, a decent restaurant that is not overly expensive either - which we have already mentioned to inlaws. Its an hour forty not two hours and ceremony is at 2 so people will have had lunch beforehand! It is an afternoon event so I don't see why beer/wine/vodka are necessary...after all you wouldn't normally hit the beer/wine at 3pm so why.now? I don't see why I should have to compromise to be honest... I've had nothing but positive lovely supportive things said on my side of the family who applaud us for not sticking to the norm and actually doing what we want not what some people expect...my dad and brothers wouldn't normally b punch or lemonade candidates either (and all of my side are big wine drinkers) but as it is mid afternoon they naturally wouldn't be expecting a lotof alcohol.

ciaraella · by **ciaraella** » Wed May 09, 2022 9:22 am

Futuremrs the fact that there's a hotel nearby i think is fair enough, all i'd be thinking is for people to have somewhere to go nearby and not to have to have a long journey at the end of the evening so that seems fair enough to me.
Re the drinks personally i think it's better to have a range of drinks, i know in my family most people would prefer a pint or a glass of wine to a sweet drink, myself included, however as you say it's your day and you should do what you and your H2B want, all i'd be thinking is if there were one or two small things you could do that would keep people happy and wouldn't affect your day then i'd be inclined to do them for the sake of compromise.

Anne Cordelia Shirley · by **Anne Cordelia Shirley** » Wed May 09, 2022 9:31 am

Would you maybe consider not telling them all the details anymore? When we were planning the wedding we were really conscious of wanting to do things our way (but still had quite a traditional Irish wedding) but both sets of parents could be very opinionated and pushed for things to be done how they wanted it. Eventually we decided as it was our day and we were paying for the whole shebang, we got to make the decisions. So we stopped with all the details of the menu, wine choices, venue details etc and it made life a lot easier. I would nearly go so far as to say to them "That'll be a surprise on the day" and "Well, you know what, that's booked now so nothing I can do about it".

Some parents seem to think they get a massive input into the day and some couples are happy with that, and more power to them. We weren't and are now very glad we didn't give into our parents more outlandish demands because it has definitely set a marker for married life. We're now seen as a couple who are happy to take suggestions on board but will come to our own decisions about things without being swayed by emotional or familial pressure.

I would continue with your plans and send out the invites. If it doesn't suit people to come, fair enough. Adults can make a decision about whether to attend a wedding themselves, they don't need to be mollycoddled or hand held. If a 50 year old aunt can't sort herself out and 'understand' how your day works, well there's not much hope for her!

FutureMrsS · by **FutureMrsS** » Wed May 09, 2022 4:05 pm

Ciarella, it's more the fact that I don't actually want my elegant event turning into a mid-afternoon puddle up! So that's not really something I want to compromise on. If people don't like champagne, punch or lemonade then there's tea or coffee... simple as!

Anne Cordelia Shirley - first off, could I say I LOVE your name!! Loved those books!! And yes, from here on we're keeping quiet about plans! They've abused my poor wedding enough and it hasn't even happened yet! :-)

ciaraella · by **ciaraella** » Wed May 09, 2022 4:12 pm

That's fair enough, as i say it's your day. I'm just playing devil's advocate!
best of luck with all your plans

FutureMrsS · by **FutureMrsS** » Wed May 09, 2022 6:13 pm

Thanks for all the advice Ciarella!

Finicky Fi · by **Finicky Fi** » Wed May 09, 2022 6:58 pm

I love your plans.
I agree with Anne Cordelia Shirley - don't bother telling anyone any more.
As long as people know that they're going to a party rather than a 'reception', if they have a problem, it's their own problem.

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