Is chivalry dead??

by **Nubble** » Tue May 08, 2022 10:41 am

Is chivalry well and truly gone these days?

Over the past while I have just noticed that men are out to just look after themselves and I can’t figure out whether I’m upset by this or whether they are right! Couple of examples:
- out with DS who is 13months on Sat and went to walk in to a café. Man walked out and I expected him to hold the door open for me and buggy…but no, he just walked on. It was a woman who got up from her seat and held the door open for me as I wheeled the buggy in.
- This morning, after a meeting in work, a group of us (6 men and me) walked back to the office. One the guys opened the door and held it open for two of the lads, then just as I was about to walk in, he walked in himself and didn’t keep door open for me (in fairness he got a bit of a slagging off from the other lads for that..but his reasoning was he was not a door man and was not going to hold the door open for everyone, whether they be man or woman!)
- A couple of times getting on the bus to and from work, a man has barged his way in front of me on the bus. Or witnessing a man sitting on the last free seat and allowing an older age woman to stand.

I know it sounds silly, but I still kind of expect men to hold doors open for me etc. I know my husband certainly would for other women, and he was disgusted when I told him about that guy not holding door open for me in café.

I know we don’t live in the 50’s anymore and woman have fought and continue to fight for equality, but I have to say, I really miss chivalry!! :-8

Just interested to hear other people’s opinions. Do I need to cop on to myself and stop living in the olden days??!! :o0

CarolinaMoon · by **CarolinaMoon** » Tue May 08, 2022 10:48 am

I'm not sure I would call it chivalry. I would consider it basic manners to hold a door open for a woman/man with a buggy (I have helped people carry them up or down stairs at times out and about) or to hold a door open for your colleagues as you go through a door etc. I also think that I as a woman would give up a seat on a bus for any older person. Both men and women should be capable of those things but sadly not everyone is.

micls · by **micls** » Tue May 08, 2022 10:49 am

I'm not a fan of chivalry as described tbh. I think people should be polite to each other e.g. hold the door if someone's coming in, give up your seat if someone needs it more, like an elderly person or someone with a baby. But I don't think your gender should come into it.

Women aren't weak little wallflowers who need help, and men aren't big macho cavemen types.

If everyone was polite to each other, regardless of gender, I'd be happy.

ciaraella · by **ciaraella** » Tue May 08, 2022 10:52 am

CarolinaMoon wrote: I would consider it basic manners to hold a door open for a woman/man with a buggy or to hold a door open for your colleagues as you go through a door etc.

+1, imo it's basic manners to hold doors open, help people if you can see they need a hand.
I think lots of people like to stare at the ground or pretend to be asleep on a bus if someone needs a seat.
Personally though i've found while i was pregnant,and when out with DD (6 months old) people have been very helpful in terms of holding doors, helping with the buggy. I've also been surprised how helpful staff in cafes etc have been for dropping food and coffees down to tables so i don't have to struggle with the buggy.

hestia · by **hestia** » Tue May 08, 2022 10:53 am

Same as that.

Sounds more like you encountered a few cases of bad manners there.

(bangs door in face of next poster)

Ellefun · by **Ellefun** » Tue May 08, 2022 11:12 am

It's basic manners for men and women. I understand people not necessarily holding a door open for me. I'm pretty good for that if I'm coming in or leaving and see others right behind me. I hold it open but not if it's a stampede of people. It's happened me before that I've been stuck holding the door as a hoard of people scrambled through. But I don't expect a man to be more polite or chivalrous, just because it's supposedly the done thing. A woman should be just as willing to give up her seat for an elderly, infirm or pregnant person etc.

Mari yay · by **Mari yay** » Tue May 08, 2022 11:12 am

micls wrote:I'm not a fan of chivalry as described tbh. I think people should be polite to each other e.g. hold the door if someone's coming in, give up your seat if someone needs it more, like an elderly person or someone with a baby. But I don't think your gender should come into it.

Women aren't weak little wallflowers who need help, and men aren't big macho cavemen types.

If everyone was polite to each other, regardless of gender, I'd be happy.

Agree with this, I wouldn't have expected it to be applied just to the men. I would have expected a woman to hold the door for you with the buggy just as soon as a man would have. I think it's a manners thing, not just chivalry.

hestia wrote:(bangs door in face of next poster)

(you're dead after school)

Anne Cordelia Shirley · by **Anne Cordelia Shirley** » Tue May 08, 2022 11:15 am

I think its basic manners that can be lacking. I've been offered seats on the DART or waiting at a DART station by women, but never a man. I was waiting for the train this morning and there is a row of 8 seats at my stop, all occupied by men in suits, and none of them offered me a seat. I don't mind not getting a seat but its nice to offer! Holding doors open is a minor courtesy, but I have held doors open for women with buggies (amongst others) and not gotten a thanks for that either! So I guess rudeness isn't confined to one gender!

NittyGritty · by **NittyGritty** » Tue May 08, 2022 11:35 am

I didn't even know he was sick.

hestia · by **hestia** » Tue May 08, 2022 11:36 am

Hehe

by **polkadot** » Tue May 08, 2022 11:54 am

Kind of a funny story was on the luas (red line) and this young fella about no more than 8 years of age with his mates starts roaring at me Missus, Missus. Lets just say his appearence was a little rough around the edges. Anyway he kept roaring at me "Missus" I turned around to answer and he insisted I take his seat.
Really taught me a lesson about stereotypes :-8

babyhopesanddreams12 · by **babyhopesanddreams12** » Tue May 08, 2022 12:34 pm

NittyGritty wrote:I didn't even know he was sick.

oh Nitty your naughty

I think its basic manners to hold a door open for someone with a pram or to offer older people or pregnant women a seat on the bus. But its manners for both men and women. I see at work the men would nearly walk over you at times to get in the door..

polkadot wrote:Kind of a funny story was on the luas (red line) and this young fella about no more than 8 years of age with his mates starts roaring at me Missus, Missus. Lets just say his appearence was a little rough around the edges. Anyway he kept roaring at me "Missus" I turned around to answer and he insisted I take his seat.
Really taught me a lesson about stereotypes

oh imagine if you had of told him off :-8

by **jamjars** » Tue May 08, 2022 1:17 pm

Yeah I'm with the others on this, more manners than chivalry which tbh I think is seriously lacking in both males & females in this country.
When I used to get the dart you wouldn't believe the amount of people that ignored a pregnant woman or older person. It was absolutely ridiculous.

On the flip side, it does annoy me when women assume they should get the seat just because they're a woman, it's sweet when a guy offers it but I don't feel I deserve it more than him, especially when I feel we're still constantly battling NOT to be classed as the "weaker s£x"

Here Here, we're really strong women... except when it comes to standing for long periods of time.

Polly2011 · by **Polly2011** » Tue May 08, 2022 3:27 pm

babyhopesanddreams12 wrote:
I think its basic manners to hold a door open for someone with a pram or to offer older people or pregnant women a seat on the bus. But its manners for both men and women.

+1. It is basic courtesy, in my view, and I will always offer my seat, hold a door or lend a helping hand to someone with a buggy etc.
I had a funny experience waiting for a bus one evening, there was a couple there, early teens. When the bus came she gave him the nod for them to let me on first. I thought it was really sweet...they probably were being kind to an older woman... :-8

by **Nubble** » Tue May 08, 2022 3:46 pm

I agree with all points, especially the one about giving up a seat just because I was a woman, I certainly wouldnt expect that!

I dont know, I just think that there is a certain aspect of chivalry that is dying out. As I said before I was at a meeting with all men this morning. As I was leaving the meeting an older colleague held the door open for me, and it was a much younger colleague who walked in ahead of me.

Im only in my early 30's so I certainly dont expect special treatment i.e a man to lie accross a puddle so I could walk over it!!!! :yelrotflmaosmilie:

But Im obviously somewhat old fasioned in my thinking that holding a door open for a woman is right!

I remember years ago (now Im talking 20 odd years) my granddad held a door open for my granny, but my brother ran in ahead of her...well he got reefed out of it and boot up the bum!! He learned a lesson in chivalry that day Ill tell you :o0

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