Using serious corporal punishment on children

Anne Cordelia Shirley · by **Anne Cordelia Shirley** » Wed May 02, 2022 8:50 am

Ryan Tubridy read an email from a 38 year old man who wanted to know what others thought about him beating his 13 year old son with a belt for using foul language. Some people are saying he needs to justify it to himself if he needs reassurance from a radio show, others are using the 'how else will children learn respect' line. I hope not to use physical punishment on my children. I understand the frustration of parents and how in the heat of the moment a smack to stop a child doing something might seem ok. But I just don't know how you'd hit someone you love.
I know its easy to speak from my perspective as I haven't had to deal with a crying toddler and a baby who hasn't sleep all night. I just don't think beating a child with a belt is instilling the right values in him or her. I hated being hit by my parents, I wasn't sorry for what I did I just really hated them in the heat of the moment for hurting me. I wasn't beaten in the 'traditional' sense of the word but we were all smacked the odd time and I have some bad memories of it.

marles · by **marles** » Wed May 02, 2022 8:58 am

It is always such an emotive subject. The old line "it happened me and I'm fine" is often used (not referring to you op).
I don't believe that an adult should use/exert their power over a child. To beat a child with a belt is wrong and teaching the wrong thing. There are many other ways to manage a child's behaviour without resorting to using extreme physical violence.
I think when an adult is losing control they need to walk away they have the greater power.

I know we got the odd slap nothing that I actually remember but My Mum said to me a few years ago that she regrets slapping any of us,I told her I don't ever remember being slapped but she felt so bad about it. I know at 13 if I were being beaten by a belt I would remember and it would sour my relationship with my parents.

I get so sad in school when I hear what some of the little people have been through,I just don't see how a parent can dole out such extreme violence on a child.

Ellefun · by **Ellefun** » Wed May 02, 2022 9:07 am

I can't say how I'll parent.. That's a ways off at the moment. I'm human and I may lapse and smack my child/ren if they are on my last nerve. I don't think it's necessarily a helpful parenting and disciplining tool. I don't like the idea of laying a hand on anyone in the guise of teaching them a lesson. It seems akin to bullying. I was smacked as a child. My father never raised a hand to us but my mother did. 8 out of 10 times it had nothing to do with teaching us life lessons and more to do with her being frazzled with 4 children. I would never purposely decide corporal punishment was something I would use. I think it's too prone to misuse. Reasoning is the way to go, but easier said than done at times I'm sure.

CarolinaMoon · by **CarolinaMoon** » Wed May 02, 2022 9:10 am

I think its horrendous and quite frankly child abuse to beat a child with a belt for using bad language - talk about overkill and the memory of being beaten like that will stick with that child forever.

We got the odd slap as kids and we all lived in fear of the wooden spoon but I don't actually remember it being used on us - I think it tended to be smacked against the wall (she lost a lot of spoons like that).

I remember one occasion when my dad did properly hit my brother - full on over the knee hard smacking until my brother was screaming. My dad regrets having to do it to this day but in all honesty the child had just set fire to the house (again) and that was finally what stopped him playing with matches - an extreme punishment but it was extreme circumstances. But it was awful you know?

eefc · by **eefc** » Wed May 02, 2022 9:16 am

My H2B was hit with a belt (and more importantly a belt buckle most of the time) by his father. The only one for it to happen to out of his sister and brother. To this day he resents his father and they don't have the best relationships.

A smack on the bum or the back of the legs is in a different league to a belt. You have to physically take off the belt or go and get it to do that- its enough time to realise what you are doing. A smack on the bum or back of the legs is often in the heat of a very "frazzled" moment if a child is bold or acting up etc.

We were smacked as children, not often, but if we were bold. Only ever by our mother. I only ever really remember it happening once . It must have hurt.

I am not sure how I feel about doing it to our children, if and when we have them. I will however be the one in control of the discipline as this has already been discussed. H2B said he couldn't inflict any discipline on his children as he felt he doesn't want to turn into a control freak like his dad. This makes me sad, as I know he will never turn into that. He just has it in his head he will.

Ellefun · by **Ellefun** » Wed May 02, 2022 9:36 am

The more I think about this particular case the more aghast I am. A belt is a weapon, no? A grown man is using a belt as a weapon to inflict pain and fear on a child and the belt is to maximise the pain. Teaching him a lesson me *rse! As ambivalent as I can be about corporal punishment..using, making every day items into, things as weapons isn't o.k....

tassajara · by **tassajara** » Wed May 02, 2022 10:00 am

edited: I would never smack my children, I hated it when it happened to me and it just made me resent my parents and only be good to avoid a smack.

BusyDee · by **BusyDee** » Wed May 02, 2022 10:47 am

Before I had dd I often used to say a smack is no harm and that I probably would smack any kids I had (if they were REALLY bold) but absolutly NO WAY would I ever lay a hand on dd, I think some parents use smacking/hitting etc as a quick fix when they really should be looking at the root of the problem - why did my child do that? Is there something annoying/upsetting them that's caused them to be so bold etc? Some parents just don't know how to "talk" to their kids esp the Dads, Id say in the case of some of those callers to RT they just would rather hit their child than go to the bother of sitting down with them and actually have a conversation with them O:|

I only remember being smacked once and that was when I was about 10!! But I was a very bold child, I had stayed out really late one evening and my mother had been so worried about me, when I can home she was quite upset and it was like she was hugging me but gave me a few slaps on the arse aswell, I remember being really shocked.

RoseDawson · by **RoseDawson** » Wed May 02, 2022 1:32 pm

Beating a child with a belt is WRONG................ O:|

I dont have kids myself yet, but I have a 3 year old nephew and no matter how "bold" he ever gets I would never raise a hand to him. He has got the very odd smack off his parents over the years and it was mostly down to sheer frustration on their part.

Kids who are smacked IMO learn that hitting/violence is acceptable when you want someone to behave in a different way.

Mommy smacks me when I'm bold, so.................
I smack little johnny when he wont share his toys.
I smack granny when she wont give me any sweets.

We are all human at the end of the day and sometimes parents are at the end of their rope, but IMO smacking is lazy parenting. Teaches the child nothing really.

Mari yay · by **Mari yay** » Wed May 02, 2022 3:41 pm

Giving a child a slap on the hand is one thing, using a belt, a weapon on them is different.

When we were young we used to be threatened with the wooden spoon, but the threat or the rattle of the drawer was usually enough to stop us in our tracks.

It's hard to know until you'd be in the position as a parent yourself, while I may not be averse to giving my child a slap I wouldn't take a belt to them.

alwayshoping · by **alwayshoping** » Wed May 02, 2022 5:20 pm

gosh thats just shocking :eek

totally not acceptable.

Girl From Mars · by **Girl From Mars** » Wed May 02, 2022 5:45 pm

I was slapped as a child. It was an extremely rare thing and usually only done if I was seconds away from causing serious harm to myself. I never resented my parents for it and I knew that if I got a smack it was cos I had done something REALLY wrong.

However, my corporal punishment ended when I was about 5. I learned from it. beating a 13 year old with a belt is ridiculous and abusive.

Sheesh · by **Sheesh** » Wed May 02, 2022 6:24 pm

I heard this today and I was shocked. I'm not sure why he wrote into the show, because he did email a response in again later this morning saying he thought he was right.

I know I haven't had any children (yet) so I can't say for sure that I won't get frustrated when they are older, but I am firmly of the belief that using physical punishment doesn't actually teach children anything. I think this because when my brother was small, he was a HANDFUL, and my mother used to give him a slap on the backside, nothing hard or anything,a few times when he would do something awful but he didn't learn anything. We used to get the odd slap too and it didn't work. The slapping didn't last long in our house because it didn't work, and I remember my mother using other ways to discipline us like grounding etc, which didnt involve anything physical, and aunts of ours used to laugh and say we weren't being taught a lesson. Today, we're the ones that have been put through college, (well 50% of us, the other 50% are still in school!!) while NONE of these aunts children finished school to their leaving cert, and are doing nothing but giving their parents heartache. I'm not saying that slapping causes children to fail, in any way, but there are other ways of disciplining children and ''teaching them a lesson''.

I do think that a parent using physical punishment is taking the easy way out. It's instant, and doesn't require hard work. It would be a lot better to look at why children are misbehaving and trying to address the issue like that so that it hopefully does not come up again.Yo wouldn't go up to a stranger in the street and bend them over you knee and smack them with your belt, so why do it to your own child. It does nothing but take away their dignity and cause them to fear and resent you.

corkiegirl · by **corkiegirl** » Wed May 02, 2022 7:03 pm

I hope to never smack my children but to always reason with them. I can understand some parents who feel that they hit their child out of love although I can't understand/justify their actions. I believe that they believe that they are doing their best for their child.

rubymoon · by **rubymoon** » Wed May 02, 2022 9:01 pm

Beating a 13 year old boy with a belt is child abuse, there is no other way to describe it.

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