Hi girls

wollymalta, great that you have been to the meeting and are on to the next stage. That is disturbing news about the agencies abroad though, to be honest i'm quite surprised though as Mexico is a Hague convention country and I though the purpose of the Hague convention was to eliminate this sort of thing, I mean that 's whay Ireland pulled out of Vietnam and ratified the Hague convention. Don't really know what to think.

Bella, don't worry, the 3 weeks won't be long going in until your meeting. I thought the meeting I was at was quite good, the only real issue I had with it was the lack of information on countries available but I was putting that down to the fact that Hague convention had just been ratified, to be honest I was hoping things had moved on a bit from that but it seems to still be moving slowly. Hopefully they will have more info on the countries at your meeting. I really understand your concerns about your dh, I know mine still has reservations but at least he agreed to sending in the application so I'm just taking it one step at a time.

Snowy, well done for sending off your application, it definitely is a relief. You were asking did I know what I would do next, well the answer is - no idea! I got so down after my last failed cycle I had to go for some counselling and I feel in a much better place now that the thought of going back to treatment doesn't really appeal. I am toying with the idea of doing some IUI but I haven't made up my mind yet and I still don't know what to do about donor. I guess while I was working on my application I got to avoid thinking about it but I know I can't avoid it for much longer. Do you have any idea of which clinic you will try for DE? Good luck with the blood tests.

Emma, hope you are well and you're getting on ok with the forms

Hi Kiri

I just wrote a big reply to you and bloody Vodafone broadband dropped as usual.

Your right its a big relief to be starting and moving things on I just want to get stuck in and get the forms filled in as soon as they arrive.

I see by your signature that you have been through the ringer with all this did you find the councelling helped you? The reason I ask is because even though I have decided not to try IVF it doesn't take away my want to have my own child (every month I hang on for that miracle). I found christmas very hard it was all baby announcements and babys first christmas I literally cried for the whole 2 weeks. Anyway my hubby sat me down and suggested it might help to go talk to someone about it. (Although my friends are great they are not at this stage yet they are still out painting the town red and I hate being on a constant downer around them so I do get very lonely with it all).

I have been considering going to a professional or looking for a support group ever since but this year so far I have not been to bad. I suppose because I knew I had my adoption and fostering meetings coming up it kept me going. However I know it will take the smallest thing to send me back to square one.

wollymalta, I just did a few counselling sessions but I do think they helped me. Maybe not straight away but I think they were certainly part of my recovery process after my last failed cycle and I would consider going back again as like you I feel that I could very easily slip back into that place again.

Are you based near Dublin? if so I can pm you the name of my counsellor. Otherwise you could contact NISIG (National Infertility and Support Group) who I am sure would be able to provide you with a list of counsellors who specialise in infertility (http://www.nisig.ie) by the way, NISIG also hold support meetings every now and then, they advertise them on their website. I did attend one of their Donor support groups and found it useful even from the point of view that there were other couples in the same position as us.

And of course, if you want to chat we are here too

Thanks so much Kiri I will have a look at that site maybe I won't feel so mad after talking to someone

I seem to have missed those last few posts... oops
Wollymalta I am currently going to counselling, I'm going since my last failed cycle in August. The lady I go to is super, she's a trained midwife and Psychotherapist, so she understands all the fertility emotions plus she has lots of experience counselling people doing adoption.
Another IVF Wollie recommened her. She's just outside Dublin, pm me if you want more information.

Our meeting is on Wednesday, kinda nervously excited. Want to get my teeth into it. Could be a different story afterwards
DH thought it was on all day, so I earned some brownie points when I said it was only in the morning!!
Wondering if we'll bump into someone we know. As its outside Dublin theres probably a chance there'll be someone we know at it. Not sure how dh will feel about that, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
xx

Hi Bella, PM'd you already but good luck again for tomorrow. Another incentive for your DH might be the tea and biccies - my DH is a sucker for those

It's gone a bit quiet here, hope everyone is doing ok.

Emma, hope the forms are going ok and you're nearly there. PM me if I can help at all.

Snowy, did you hear anything back after submitting yours? I got a letter last week to say mine was received and I had to send in a letter from my employer which I hadn't included but that was it so fingers crossed the rest is ok and now I guess I just wait!

Other than that, just got back from a lovely weekend away which was my birthday present from DH. We also had a talk recently and decided we are not going to pursue any more OE IUI or IVF. I had said at the beginning I would try 3 cycles which I did, so that's that. Still have thoughts of DE somewhere in the back of my head but feel ok about things right now and just want to focus on the Adoption so hopefully we won't have too long to wait for the Preparation Meeting.

Hi to wollymalta and EOP

Oh Bella, by the way, meant to ask you, what do you think of the latest series of Grey's? Not really sure about it although am about 3 episodes behind, but you see that's a sign to me that I'm not in love with it otherwise I'd be right up to date!

Hi Bella, Snowy and Kiri
Hi to the other ladies here too. I just know the three above from that year when we were all cycling like mad ......only for us to have landed here.
I really really hope that we will all experience that feeling (irrespective of the route that we take to get there) very soon.
Isn't there so much comfort in knowing that even though our insides aren't working as they should be, there is hope for all of us to be mammies someday soon? That's what has kept my spirits higher in the last few months.
Thinking of you lots.
Lishis (now Starchaser, but sorry I ever changed my name)

Oh Kiri I love Greys full stop!! How dare you blaspheme so!!!
I'm actually enjoying the current series. But I absolutely hate the way they have it on for a few weeks and then have a break grrrrr. Was checking earlier and its still not back tonight. Flipping America, its there fault apparently.
Thats good you've made a decision about doing more OE cycles and as you say you haven't closed the door on DE, its good to take time to evaluate these things. And as my counsellor says, we can always change our minds on ANY of these decisions, nothing is set in stone.
I said 3 OE cycles when I started out too, and for health reasons my gynae in Dublin said I shouldn't do anymore OE, that was after I had done 2 and had 1 cancelled OE cycle. So I did think a DE cycle was the solution to all my problems but alas I'm still here. I'm starting an endo diet tomorrow to help me prepare for my FET, its very severe but I'm told it can work wonders, so needs must and all that.

There better be tea and good quality biccies tomorrow so I was expecting nothing with the state of the HSE, but now my hopes are high!!

Hey Lishis, Hope you are well. Will answer that pm now. Yup its true it will work out for us all in the end .

In work today I had to discuss pregnancy with a lady whos 34 weeks pregnant, a girl who had IVF previously and brought in her twins to show them off and then someone else asked me had I children and how long I was married, sure ye all know yourselves the routine questions at this stage. Just left me peed off
xx

Ok info meeting over and there were mainly unimpressed faces in the room after it.
There were only 5 couples!! So immediately I was thinking this is great, shorter wait etc. Turns out one of the HSE social workers for the region is retiring in the next month and not being replaced, so its not really good.
The wait from info meeting to getting declaration has been 2 years for this region from now on with the loss of the SW it will be more like 3 years.

BTW Kiri, there were no biccies nor tea Very disappointed
DH was ok about it all, he wasn't anti continuing as I had anticipated. So will order the pack and see whats what with that.
xx

Oh and at the end of the meeting one of the SWs actually recommended rollercoaster.ie as a source of support. Apparently theres a great adoption thread there, Ive used rollercoaster but never looked at the adoption thread. So it could be of use

Hi Girls
Haven't been around in ages - struggling a bit lately with it all. Feeling the pressure as we have to send the forms back in less than 4 weeks and at the same time I think I am in denial mode and trying to avoid the subject and hoping its going to get done by itself ...We finally got our last CP and got our money back. So we need to go to GP now and fill out all the forms.

We had another consult with sims and were disapointed with them. So not sure what to do anymore and it's probably why I have been distracted then with the adoption.

Anyway, enough about me. Kiri - well done on sending back the forms and its good they have already been in touch, at least it means they have gone through your file/notes etc. Hopefully you will have a date soon for the next stage.

Snowy - how are you ? Have you done any of the bloods with ZW ? Are you still considering DE ? Have you heard back from HSE since you sent it back?

Bella

Speak soon x

Hi there girls, here I am Sorry my weeks are so busy at the moment and I keep popping in to read but I don't get a chance to write, so here goes, sorry if I miss anyone!

Hey Bella, I'd say your glad to get the meeting out of the way?! And your DH wasn't put off yey!! We, and I'd say most of the other couples there, weren't too impressed either with the meeting and people were asking questions about countries and costs etc and the SW was like 'oh I wouldn't know I've never adopted' I couldn't believe it! But I saw the meeting as a ticking the box to be able to get onto the next stage and request the application pack. I'm trying not to think too much about the length of time its likely to take as it can wreck your head, all I hope is that things will start to quicken up. Bella hopefully you don't face delays because a SW is retiring! FFS like can they slow the process any more!!? All I keep thinking is when we finally are bringing a child home the length of time its taken, all the pain will start to fade. Don’t think too much about the whole process best, I think, to break it down into small steps, write and get the pack, get them completed and sent back as soon as you are able and then hopefully it won’t be too long a wait to do the prep course. Re: rollercoaster, I do go on now and again but I find the adoption thread seems to concentrate on the negative so not very uplifting to read!

Hi Kiri, how are you? No I haven’t heard anything back yet. That sounds good that all they came back on was that missing letter, fx thats all they need / have queries on! Your weekend away sounds good and gave you a chance to talk. Hard as it is I’d say you feel relieved to have made the decisions you’ve made. Sometimes I think should I just pursue the adoption and stop further treatment as what if there’s a child out there meant for us but then treatment works and we don’t continue with adoption (sometimes I think I think too much!!) but also I don’t want to look back and regret not trying everything. I’m planning on getting the bloods done and then DE in the next year. Whats meant to be will be, whatever way is meant to be for us to be parents! The guy I know who’s just been approved for adoption keeps saying things are improving and the process could be quicker for us so I wonder whether we’ll be on the prep course quicker than we think?! It would be great if we were all on it around the same time and could swap info. Ps there was no tea and biccies at our meeting either! Your area must have more money than ours!!

Hi Wollymalta, you had your meeting too. Have you received your pack yet? If you have any questions, ask away! It is very daunting isn’t it?! TBH I still have a lot of unanswered questions which I hope will be answered at the prep course. From what I’ve heard once you’ve been approved to adopt, it is valid for 3 years and there has not been a case of someone not adopting in that time and the declaration expiring. Thats really interesting that you are looking into fostering. My mum fosters and its something I wouldn’t rule out in the future. Can you still work though if you foster (for my mum thats been her primary job so I’m not sure). But I hear of so many foster carers ending up adopting children that they have fostered since they were a baby. I will warn you though you do get attached to the majority of children (my mums been doing it for nearly 40 years and she still crys every time a child moves on!) I was home a couple of weekends ago and she had a 2 year old and I was only there 2 nights and I could have taken him home! It did make me realise though that I would be happy adopting an older child (2-3 years) that it wouldn’t just have to be a baby. Hope your feeling more positive, I got a bit down over January with everything, its a horrible time of year, love spring though!

Hi Emma, your nearly there!! Keep at it, its a relief when the forms finally go. Great you got the last of your CP forms back. Sorry your consult with SIMs didn’t go better. Sometimes best to have a break and then you can think clearer what to do. Get the adoption forms away and then maybe think about treatment again. As mentioned above I haven’t done anything yet about bloods or DE but I intend to soon.

Starchaser hope your well and good luck with the DE cycle xx

Sorry if I’ve missed anything / anyone! Hope your all well.
Sxx

Hi girls, just a quick one, I got a call from the HSE yesterday, their sending our application pack back to us as their's a few things we need to do :

- Both the CP forms from the UK were sent directly to the HSE and apparently they both wrote that I need to go to another county to get more.

- The Dr didn't sign a part of DH's medical form

- One of the referees we put is a family friend from back home in the UK and she said that the SW will need to meet her face to face so unless we're going to fly her over to Ireland we have to give a name of someone in Ireland.

- When filling in the addresses on the garda checks etc I got into a mess and had to use tip-ex, except they don't like tip-ex!! So I have to recomplete those forms!

- Myself and David have both had operations in the last couple of years but I didnt complete consultant forms so have to do that.

I think that was it! She said it wouldn;t delay out application but I can't see how it wouldn't when their sending the whole pack back to us and we need to wait to get 2 more CP forms back from the UK!

Oh well I suppose at least they were quite quick in letting us know about this and haven't delayed it further! Patience, need a lot of patience with this! We'll be the most patient parents after this girls!!

Hope your all well and the one's currently completing the forms are flying through them, Emma have you got yours away?

Sxx

Hi Snowy

That's frustrating about your pack being returned, I suppose as you say at least it wasn't months down the line that you found out. It's a bit frustrating that the CPs sent the reply to the HSE to say it was the wrong area - why didn't they just contact you directly? I didn't even know that they will meet with the referees directly, I thought they would just do it by telephone or something. Anyway, best of luck with the CPs, I hope they come back to you quickly. You are right, we need lots of patience.

I don't really know if all was ok with our pack, we just got a checklist to say what they had received but I don't know if that means it has been reviewed. I'm hoping it has. Our referees have been contacted anyway so i'm hoping we are on to the next stage...

Hope everyone else is well.

Bella, I'm getting back into Grey's again, the last couple of episodes have been quite good - little Zola is gorgeous!

Emma, hope the form filling is going well xx

Starchaser, lovely to hear from you. I am glad you have made a decision about the DE and I wish you all the best with your journey, I think of you often xx

EOP and Wollymalta, hope you are both well.

Heading off again for the weekend, I think the weather is supposed to be nice so hopefully I'll get out for a few walks.
Have a good weekend everyone,

Talk soon